Fate  Outtakes from Before The Fawn
by andelyn kinsey
Summary: A series of scenes from Before The Fawn, mainly concerning Julia and Sirius.  Read the A/N in the first set for a bigger explanation.  For those reading BTF - I have not abandoned it, I simply took a break to have Christmas, new chapter soon.  Enjoy!
1. The Start  1975

_Authors Note: This series of short little drabbles and such is the result of a two week long writers block experiment. It amused me and helped explain a lot of the back story that happens in Before The Fawn (if you aren't reading it or haven't read it, I would suggest reading it before this as these stories will make more sense.) I've given dates to help explain the general time in which the events were happening, and the story mainly concerns Sirius and Julia, though there are snippets of Lily and James in there as well. _

_I'm listing it as in progress as I may add to it later, but right now I am focusing my energies on Before the Fawn (no worries if you are a reader of that story, I have not abandoned it, I simply took a break due to the Holidays and the chaos that consumed my household.). _

_Also, these have NOT been reviewed by a beta, only by myself and spell check. So if there are gramatical/spelling/other errors, I apologize and will correct them as I see them. Otherwise, please try to look past them and see this for what it was meant to be... a simple amusing tale that helped me overcome my writers block. _

_Later sections will become "intimate," just be aware._

_Thanks!_

_Andelyn_

* * *

**January 1975  
Fourth Year**

"_Passing Stranger!_"

"_Liii -ly_…"

"What?" Lily asked waspishly, not liking the tone of Julia's voice.

"You know, I've never seen a girl get so uptight about a boy having a crush on her," mused Julia thoughtfully. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you returned James Potter's affections."

"Well, you know better… and I don't. He's a bully; he's arrogant, and obtuse and-"

"Obtuse? He's very intelligent! Top in our-"

"Mary, I _know_ this," Lily replied, interrupting her other roommate who had decided to join the conversation. "But he's insensitive… _annoyingly_ insensitive. For example, last time he asked me to Hogsmeade he said, and I quote, '_it's not as though you have anything else going on_,'" she told them, mocking James' deep voice.

"You _didn't_ have anything going on," sniggered Julia.

"Well what if I had? And that's a very presumptuous thing to say," Lily snorted. "For all he knows I could have boys lined up asking me out and-"

"You do… Potter, Aubrey, Linghold, Snape…" Mary interjected.

Lily rolled her eyes. "He's presumptuous, and arrogant. I'm honestly surprised he doesn't float away with that ego balloon of his tied around his neck."

Julia laughed and Mary sniggered. Just then there was a minor commotion from the other side of the Library, and the three girls looked up to see Sirius Black walk in, followed closely by James Potter. "See," Lily said, pointing to the pair, "Look at how he struts around. And all those girls… ugh! Look at how they _fawn_ over the pair of them," she grumbled.

"You've got to admit, Black is… and Potter as well, they're both _very_ attractive," offered Mary.

"Oh, she admits _that_," Julia said with a laugh. "What was it you said getting off the train after the Holidays? Something about you'd fancy a snog if you could silence either of them for a while," she teased, watching Lily's ears go red.

"I didn't say he wasn't _attractive_," Lily replied haughtily, "I said he's arrogant, and he prances arrogantly, and struts arrogantly and-"

"And he's arrogantly strutting this way," Mary whispered, grinning as Lily sat up straight and stiff in her chair.

James' heart was pounding; Sirius was beside him, gently prodding him forward toward the table full of Gryffindor girls; Gryffindor girls that included Lily Evans. Lily Evans… who had already turned James down four times; Lily Evans, with her dark red hair and her startling green eyes… and her long legs and shapely hips. _Lily Evans_… who last time he asked her out said he was wasting his time. How could he be wasting his time? She was amazing, definitely not a waste of time. "She's going to say yes…"

Sirius nodded beside him, clapping him on the back enthusiastically. "She's got to say yes… it's poetry for God's sake. She's a girl, she'll love this… if not-"

"If not, I'll be on my knees in front of her begging her to say yes just for the sake of my reputation," James replied darkly.

"You're reputation will be fine," Sirius encouraged. "There are plenty of other birds who will have you. Look at them all… Flutterhorn thinks you've got it, and she's foxy. Annie Paulson, Cora Danford…that Isabelle bird who visits from France, she's fit. Even Tottleham-"

"Tottleham is nice, and Isabelle is… well she just _is_… but she's not Lily. None of them are Lily," insisted James. "Look at her… she's _gorgeous_… she looks like-"

"She looks like she's going to punch you in the mouth," Sirius sniggered. "All right, here we are…"

Sirius plopped himself down next to Julia, giving her a sly grin as she observed him with narrowed eyes. James walked around the table over to where Lily was sitting. Her back was pressed against her chair as though she was afraid he'd stab her if it weren't for the protection of the wood. Her posture was incredibly stiff; there was a long scrawl on the piece of paper she had been writing on, and her hand was still gripping the quill so tightly James wondered how it didn't break.

And those eyes, she was looking at him with those emerald green eyes… she was _glaring_ at him with those emerald green eyes. Her lips were pressed tightly together, James wondered if they'd ever come apart… then he randomly began to imagine kissing her as he spoke. "Er… Wotcher, Evans… nice evening isn't it?" he began shakily, running a hand through his tousled hair. James cleared his throat, wondering why his voice had suddenly risen three octaves.

"It's all right," muttered Lily, shifting away from him and turning back to her home work.

"So… er… Hogsmeade weekend is Saturday… supposed to be nice out, did you hear? And… and it's your birthday too… isn't it?" he continued, glancing at Sirius for support. He was biting his lip to keep from laughing, Julia was watching James with a mixture of admiration and sympathy, and Mary MacDonald was staring eagerly at him, as though waiting for him to mess up.

"That's the rumor," Lily replied, not looking up at him.

"You know… I was… well, I was um… r-reading something and it made me think of … it made me think about you. It wasn't Charms either… I already know how charming you are, ha, ha… ha…" James sputtered, watching Lily flinch at his attempted joke. He sat down next to her in a chair; it creaked loudly, _very_ loudly… so loudly that it felt like the entire library was now looking over at them. James sighed, shaking himself off slightly and mustering up his courage; Sirius was right, there was no way she could say no to this …

Lily turned to him, her eyes loaded with irritation. "Potter-"

"'Passing stranger!'" James began, much louder than he intended. Lily turned her eyes on him, her expression blazing and fierce, her cheeks a firey scarlet. Somehow it made her even more attractive, which should not be allowed, James thought. "You… you do not know how longingly I look upon you. You must be she I was seeking… it… it comes to me as a dream-"

Lily exhaled slowly, her face felt hot as she stared at Potter. She _had_ to stop him; not only was this humiliating for her, it seemed to be painfully embarrassing to him. "Potter… _stop_… otherwise these dreams you speak of will become nightmares-"

James plodded on, ignoring her warning; not because he didn't hear it, but because he didn't seem to be able to stop himself. He tripped over his words, speaking much faster than he had practiced. "I have somewhere surely lived a life of… of joy… with you. As is recalled, we… we fit … we fit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste… matured."

"_Potter_-"

"You grew up with me, were a girl with me, I ate with you and … and slept with you," James quoted, ignoring the ripple of giggles that echoed through the small crowd that had come to occupy the tables closest to where they were seated. "Your body has become not only yours, nor left my body only mine."

"My _body_ is about to clobber you," Lily interjected, glaring sternly at James and trying valiantly to ignore the sniggers in their direction. To her horror, James chuckled slightly and continued on.

"You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh as we pass. You-"

"POTTER!" She shouted, ignoring the sniggers from the group of onlookers. "_Enough_! Enough, all right? No… whatever you were going to ask the answer is no," she said in a low voice.

"_Wait_," James insisted, taking her hand and staring into her eyes. "At least let me get to the part that made me think of you…"

Lily didn't think it possible, but her face grew even redder. For some reason, James seemed encouraged by this development and continued on. "I am to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night, alone. I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you."

As he finished, he sighed with relief and relaxed into the chair, still holding her hand with his shaky fingers. Lily's expression softened against her will; that _had_ taken a lot of effort to memorize, she thought. And the amount of thought that went into it… it was a very specific poem, not something that one just pulled out of a random book. Perhaps-

"So…_Evans_, is it still a no?" said James, smiling proudly and leaning closer to her. "You've got to admit, you're a bit curious about having my body become yours…"

"See?" asked Lily in a scathing voice, snatching her hand back from James' and glaring at him. "_See_! That's…There… there's your no. You just lost me… you said 'I _am to see to it that I do not lose you_,' and you just lost me. _No_, Potter. And just to stay ahead of you, no, no, no, no, no, for the next five times you ask me as well."

"How can you say no to that?" asked James, watching as she stood up and began to gather her books. He felt horrified, everyone was staring, and she looked angry, very angry. What had he said? "It … it was _Whittleman_! How can you say no to that?"

"Very easily… effortless really" replied Lily in a scathing tone. "And it's _Whit_-man… not _Whittle_-man. Details, _Potter_… you've got the flashiness down… but it's the littlest details that you consistently fail at," she said, turning away from him so sharply that her hair whipped him in the face. There were several chuckles over her comments, and then she stormed out the door and into the hall, leaving James sitting their dumbfounded.

"She said no," he repeated, looking at Sirius for advice. Then he frowned, he wasn't going to get any consolation there. Sirius was staring at Julia with a curious expression on his face, and Julia was staring right back, matching his expression with a wicked grin. "_Oi_… she said _no_."

"Try Yeats, Potter," said Julia lightly. "I think she prefers Yeats."

"Yeast?"

"_Yeats_," Julia reiterated, not taking her eyes off of Sirius. "Y-E-A-T-S. W.B. Yeats."

"Do you like Yeats?" Sirius asked Julia.

"Depends on who's reading it," she replied simply, gathering her things to go after Lily.

"_I'm_ reading it," said Sirius, standing up to block her path. "I'm reading it to you."

Julia laughed, nodding at Mary who was sniggering uncontrollably. "Oh, Sirius _Black_. Sirius…" she said, glancing curiously at Sirius to fill in his middle name.

"Orion," he said proudly.

"Hmm… your parents are stargazers then. Well… Dog Star Hunter Black… I'm not sure you could properly interpret a Yeats poem, let alone maintain enough composure to read through it. Besides that, haven't you pranks to plan and first years to torment?" she asked. "When would you ever have time for me?"

And with that, she nodded toward Mary and they flitted off out the door and down the hall. James watched them go, still feeling confused about Lily's rejection and a little embarrassed over all the people that witnessed it. "She said no," he mentioned again.

"I like that girl," Sirius admitted, still staring after Julia. "She's feisty… I like her."

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**June 1975  
Fourth Year**

**Bad Boys**

"Look at them all, they've gotten so much taller and –"

"Accept for Pettigrew," said Julia matter-of-factly. "Pettigrew is still pretty short."

"There is nothing wrong with being short," said Mary. "I quite like it. I can duck under things easily, I can avoid detection… it comes in handy."

Julia chuckled. "Well, you may like it, but it doesn't appear that Pettigrew does; I don't see how he could with Potter towering over him like that. He's got to be what… five foot eight? Five-"

"He's six feet tall," said Lily lightly, taking a drink of her punch as she sat down next to her friends. "He was bragging about it to Max the other day. '_I believe I can see a bald spot, Max… taking after your father aren't you?_'"

Julia and Mary both laughed, but Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Lils… I agree with Jules, they are all very nice to look at. Black's hair and his eyes, Potter and that smile of his, Peter's very cute in a boyish way, and Lupin has got those big hands..." Mary described, trailing off as she gazed over at the four boys.

"Plus he's got those scars," added Julia. "I don't know what they're from, but they make him kind of… _sexy_… maybe he's a bad boy."

"He runs around with bad boys," said Lily darkly.

"They're not all bad," said Julia, watching as Mary nodded in agreement with her observation. "I know you hate that they get up to all those pranks and teasing, but-"

"But nothing. They got after Westpelt the other day, hung him out the Astronomy tower and-"

"He's a little wank," said Mary. "Probably deserved it."

"No he didn't. And Severus-"

Julia and Mary groaned. "_No_… Lily, don't," said Julia, holding her hand up. "Snape is creepy; I don't see _how_ you can hang round with him. He probably deserves every hex they give him, and he's not so innocent in the matter either."

"He's only defending himself. They're always after him," Lily replied defensively.

"Whatever… I know you're friends with him, and God love you for being loyal, but he's a creep," said Mary.

Lily grimaced and rolled her eyes, but refrained from defending Snape any further. She knew they had a point, but she saw the good in Severus. It was there, buried under the defensive, skulking exterior, he was brave and loyal. Why he chose to associate himself with certain Slytherins she'd never understand, but over the summers he and she had a bond no one understood. He was her connection to the magical world; a world that seemed so distant when she was home with her parents in Hedge End.

"… think Black is _particularly_ sexy," Julia was saying as Lily drew herself back into the conversation. "His voice is like … red wine, or some kind of dark German chocolate; he's got those _eyes_, and I love his hair. But he can't take a _thing_ seriously."

"Sirius can't be _serious_?" Mary joked.

Julia laughed. "Sirius' seriousness is _seriously_ debatable."

"Such a serious conversation, about such a serious subject, should definitely include the opinion of someone serious," said James' voice from next to where the girls sat. "Don't you think so, Sirius?"

"I seriously agree," his dark voice crooned, leaning over Julia. She rolled her eyes but remained relaxed as he moved closer. "Think I'm sexy, do you? _Seriously_ sexy?"

"You know who's _seriously_ sexy?" asked Julia, ignoring Sirius' comment.

"Who?" asked Mary.

"Amos Diggory," she said, nodding toward the seventh year Hufflepuff. "He's got sexy hair as well, and those blue, blue eyes."

"Diggory is a wank… seriously," snorted Sirius.

Julia chuckled. "Perhaps… but that _wank_ is gesturing that he wants to dance with _me_," she said, smiling brightly as she stood and walked seductively over toward where Diggory was standing. Sirius looked like someone had slapped him over the head.

"Evans," said Potter, his voice low and mature. "It's a dance after all… would you care to-"

"No."

"You didn't even wait to hear what I was going to ask," said James, frowning slightly.

"I don't care if you were going to ask me to dance or ask me the time, the answer is no," she said coolly, getting to her feet and walking away.

Mary sniggered and leaned back in her chair. "Sorry boys, your luck is out."

"_You're_ still free," Sirius pointed out.

"Not for long," Mary replied. At that moment, Peter came over to join them and held out his hand, which Mary took with a smile and followed him onto the floor.

Sirius sat down grumpily in her vacated chair. "Where's Moony?"

"Over there," James said, pointing across the hall to where Remus was sitting talking with Samantha Pitchfield from Ravenclaw. "He's probably asking her about the Transfiguration test… though he _should_ be asking her to dance. I think she fancies him."

"Well, both of them are better off than we are," Sirius grumbled. "Look at that! Look at that smarmy wanker," he said, gesturing towards Julia and Diggory. He was holding her very close, teasingly stroking her hair and whispering into her ear. "Git."

"Yeah… well at least you got ditched for someone halfway decent," said James, suddenly very angry. "Look at _that_."

He pointed across the hall to where Lily was standing in the entrance way talking to Snape. "_LOOK_! She'll talk to that git, now and all through lessons, but she won't give _me_ the time of day. She'll walk around the grounds with him and laugh at things he says, but she won't even look at me."

"Perhaps she's into dark stuff," mused Sirius thoughtfully.

"She's not… she's _not_ into the Dark Arts. There's _got_ to be a reason. Maybe she pities him, maybe-"

"She's a bit pitiful herself if you ask me," Sirius interjected.

"What does that mean?" asked James, throwing Sirius an angry glare.

"Mate, I don't get it. I don't get what you see in her," he explained. "Evans is a looker, yes… but there are numerous other birds that will have you. Why not-"

"Because I don't want to, that's why not," James snapped. Sirius grimaced, but dropped the subject. It was impossible to change James' mind about Lily Evans. He was stubborn, they all knew that, but he was particularly stubborn about her. Why he was stuck on one girl when he could have ten others, Sirius didn't know.

But then Sirius began to ask himself the same question. He was watching Julia Tottleham avidly, feeling an inexplicable amount of jealousy over Diggory touching her. Furious with the feelings, and irritated at James for being stuck on Evans when she obviously wanted nothing to do with him, Sirius stood up and walked over to where Evelyn Fosters was sitting with the rest of her roommates. She'd always been a looker, keen to his compliments, and a fantastic kisser… Sirius knew it would be easy to take his mind off Julia.

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**August 1975  
Summer Prior to Fifth Year**

**Wanted**

_This is nice_, James thought as Isabelle brushed her tongue gently against his. _It's very nice, she feels nice._ Her skin felt soft under his hands, and she had absolutely no issues with letting him explore. _Females are wonderful_, James thought as he kissed her deeply. _They always smell nice, and they make the most wonderful sounds… girl curves, and soft girl parts, and girl secrets…_

"Kiss me _zhere_, Jamez," Isabelle whispered, arching her back and rocking her hips under his hand. She flicked her tongue against his lips, causing him to groan aloud. "Please…"

"You know," James murmured into her kisses, "I'll kiss you there, and then I'll want more…"

Isabelle giggled, dragging her fingers through his hair roughly. "But zhen you will never write to me."

"Do you _want_ me to write to you?" asked James, pausing his movements.

She shook her head. "Nah… eet is a summar zhing we have…"

James pouted. "Is zhat all I am to you? A zhing?" he teased, mimicking her accent.

She giggled again, her voice thick with lust. "You are a good zhing… I like visiting here… you make my visits worthwhile, Jamez…"

"Well that's nice."

"But you 'ave your girlz at school… and I 'ave my boyz… so les not get _too_ carried away, oui?"

James nodded, kissing her again. He stared at her face, she was very pretty; creamy white skin, bright hazel eyes… and her hair. The reddish streaks among the curls… it reminded him of Lily Evans. It was different than her hair… but it reminded him of it none the less.

"So, Jamez… are you going to kiss me?" she asked in a seductive whisper.

James groaned, burying his face in her neck as he pushed her skirt up over her thighs. Summer things were nice, especially when they wanted you the way that Lily Evans did not…

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**November 1975  
Fifth Year**

**Being a Prefect**

"Gryffindor with the Quaffle… Adams makes the pass, is it blocked? – No! Potter Scores! Gryffindor takes the lead eight to seventy!" Justin Sennett screeched, his reedy voice indignant over Gryffindor's lead. The Slytherin side of the crowd booed and hissed in response to James' goal; he flew past the red and gold supporters and smiled proudly, waving his hands at his admirers.

"He is _too_ much," said Marlene, chuckling lightly.

"He's brilliant!" shouted Sirius from behind her. Marlene and Julia turned to see him, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and several other Gryffindor boys shirtless in the cold weather with letters painted across their chests.

"Merlin's Beard," sputtered Julia, stifling her giggles behind her hand. "It's a bit cold for that, isn't it?"

"Never!" Sirius insisted. "Our manliness cannot be contained on days such as this… when victory is near and-"

"Just make sure there aren't any panes of glass around during your victory dance," said Lily as she moved to sit next to Julia. "The row of you might cut it in half if you came too close."

Marlene and Julia laughed loudly as Lily grinned wickedly at them, her eyes flickering back to the line of boys appraisingly. "It's not a bad view I suppose," she said lightly.

"I have no complaints," said Julia with a giggle, with Marlene nodding in agreement.

The match went on, and ended with Gryffindor defeating Slytherin two-hundred and fifty to one-hundred thirty. The after party was very raucous; Lily, anxious to prove herself worthy as a prefect, tried to follow Alice Vanceton's example and contain the excitement, but she found that no one paid attention her attempts to control the rowdiness.

"Well, I'm a _failure_ at this," she muttered to Mary. "I can't even get them to listen to me."

"You aren't a failure," soothed Mary. "You're new at this; you've just got to be more assertive."

"I _am_ assertive," said Lily defensively.

"You are, but you are also _too_ nice. Look at Alice, they're _scared_ of her," said Mary admiringly. "She's got this thing down. Just… _be scary_."

"Scary," said Lily thoughtfully.

Her moment arrived twenty seconds later when, in an attempt to be dashing, James Potter leapt onto the table in front of Lily and Mary (splashing them both with drinks), and then jumped in between them, slinging his arms around both their shoulders.

"_Ladies_… did you see the score? Did you notice that _seven_ out of the ten goals we scored were done by yours truly?" he asked, nodding toward Lily and gazing at her as though she should be impressed. "Team effort was good… but if it keeps up this way I'm looking at captain next year and-"

"_Potter_!" Lily snapped. "Get your arm off my shoulder; you just splattered my trainers and khakis with butterbeer if you didn't notice – _obviously_ you didn't notice – _and_ you broke the table. This party is officially out of hand," she announced, standing up and waving her hands. "It's after eleven… bed… everyone!"

The room went silent for a fraction of a second, then sniggers and laughter began to echo throughout it. Lily's face went red, a wave of embarrassment rolling over her. Seventh year Ceradoc Dearborn shook his head, still laughing at her attempt at authority. "Evans… _lighten_ _up_. It's-"

"No, she's right," said Remus, standing up from the corner and looking to Alice for support. Alice nodded and began to motion toward the stairs. Amidst groans and protests, the students began traipsing up the stairs, a few of them muttering scathing words toward Lily as they passed. Julia entered the portrait hole, a curious look on her face as she watched the students. Eventually the room cleared out, and only Mary, Lily, the four Marauders, Alice and Julia were left.

Alice cleared her throat. "I trust you can all find your rooms. G'night," she said lightly. "Um… nice job today, Potter," she added, then turned her soft gaze to Lily, a meaningful look in her brown eyes. "It'll get easier."

Lily nodded, feeling randomly out of control for a moment. Being a Prefect was something she had looked forward to, something she felt she'd be good at. She'd had good crowd control skills, she was good with kids. But she felt like a kid…

She felt like a kid without a father, which was what she was. All her strength had been poured into keeping herself together, keeping her own mind from falling apart while her mother grieved and her sister piled guilt on her for having to leave home. She had been strong, and not cried, since she'd been back at Hogwarts, and she'd thought for a fleeting moment that _maybe_ she'd been strong enough to exercise some sort of control.

She'd been wrong.

"Well, that was interesting," said James, breaking the silence. "I didn't mean to splash you, Evans; I suppose I was a bit exuberant. But didn't you _see_ it? That third goal was amazing and-"

"Aren't you a student?" she growled quietly.

"Pardon?"

"Aren't - you – a - _student_?" she snapped, turning her glare on James and watching with sick satisfaction as he flinched away. "Shouldn't you be heading to your bed? Being Quidditch-God-Of-The-Moment doesn't make you above the rest of them. Go on, get to your bed," she growled, standing up and pointing toward the stairs.

Mary bit her lip and looked at Julia, who was watching Lily with a sad expression. Mary took a deep breath. "Lils-"

"Don't '_Lils'_ me… go to bed," she hissed at Mary. "Go… bed… _NOW_!"

Sirius made a scathing noise and nodded his head toward the stairs. Peter followed behind him sheepishly, while James gave Lily a bewildered look and walked backwards toward the staircase, never taking his eyes off her as he walked up stairs. Mary snorted derisively and followed, but Julia stayed behind, as did Remus.

"Lily," Julia said quietly. "It _will_ get easier."

"I have no control. I can't do this… I can't," Lily sniffed, her voice wavering as she moved quickly past her toward the stairs. She paused at the bottom, turning over back over her shoulder and breathing slowly as she spoke. "Lu-… Remus," she said quietly, "thank you… thanks for standing up."

"Yeah… anytime," he replied.

She nodded, then turned around and headed upstairs.

Julia let out a long sigh and Remus looked poignantly at her. "That had _nothing_ to do with being a Prefect… did it," he said into the silence, an observation rather than a question.

Julia smirked, it was a sad smile. "Remus Lupin… you are _infinitely_ more perceptive than your peers," she grinned. "No… that had nothing to do with being a prefect."

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**December 1****st****, 1975  
Fifth Year**

**Avoidance**

Sirius sat down at a table across from James, his expression intent and his eyes determined. James did not look up.

"You _can't_ avoid me forever," began Sirius. "We live in the same room, mate."

"I hadn't planned on avoiding you forever," explained James. "I planned on avoiding you until I went to bed tonight. Then, I planned on pummeling you in your sleep."

"You aren't going to pummel me for –"

"Yes, actually… I am."

"Prongs, this is mental. She's not even your girlfriend! She doesn't-"

"I don't care, Sirius… I don't care that she's not my girlfriend, I don't care that she doesn't like me or that she thinks I'm a bullying yob, or whatever…" James interrupted, trying to control the volume of his voice. He opened his mouth but Sirius interrupted him.

"James… _listen_ to me. There are other birds, all right? There are… And she said it, flat out; she said she was through being nice about it and pushed you out of your chair. You don't have a chance; you've _got_ to get over this … this crush. That's all it is… it's a _crush_. You're getting all whiney and depressed over it. It's pathetic, mate… it really is. You are James Potter; Quidditch star! Popular, brilliant, every-girl-wants-in-your-pants _James_ _Potter_!" Sirius insisted. "You cannot let some know-it-all ginger bint ruin your confidence."

"She's _not_ ruining my confidence," snapped James. "You don't get it… I _like_ her. Don't ask me why… but I do. I really think she'll come around if I just-"

"She's not going to come around James! This is _sad_… you are better than this!" Sirius growled, raising his voice. "You missed full moon… you missed out on full moon just for a chance to follow her around. And for what? You didn't get anywhere! She said no, again –"

"I'm fully aware that she said no," said James calmly. "You don't get it. You don't… it-"

"Explain it to me then, since I apparently don't get it," suggested Sirius, drumming his fingers impatiently on the table.

James huffed. "First off, something is going on with her. She's… off this year, and I can't put my finger on it, but she is. And I … I want to know _why_ she doesn't like me. I want to know what it _is_ with her. Plus… I just can't it out of my head that she … she's so _nice_ to everyone; she's nice to _Snivellus_! And aside from the fact that she's fit as hell…she's sweet, and I want to know more about that. I just… I _like_ her, all right?"

Sirius nodded, then his expression became angry. "Well, _I_ don't. All Right? I _don't_ like her. I don't like her because she's snotty; I don't like her because she's friends with _Snivellus_. I don't like her for acting high-and-mighty all the time."

"Well, _I do _like her. I like her, and you don't get a say in who I fancy… all right? If there was a girl _you_ fancied for more than _five_ _seconds_, and I referred to her as a know-it-all bint, or a stuck-up cow, you'd be pissed off as well," James muttered angrily.

"Maybe… but I probably wouldn't take you seriously," shrugged Sirius.

"That's because you never take anything seriously," snapped James, grabbing his books and heading out the door.

Sirius drummed his fingers on the table, thinking over his continued argument with James. He was still angry at Lily for humiliating his friend. She didn't need to shout at him for asking her out, again, (though, Sirius had to admit it was getting old). She definitely didn't need to punch him in the shoulder and knock him out of his chair. She _was_ acting like a stuck-up cow; she should just give him a chance.

There was a loud bang as a book was slammed down in front of Sirius. He looked up, startled, to see the astonishingly blue eyes of Julia Tottleham glaring down at him. Her blonde hair was pulled away from her face, and her jaw line was set at a funny angle; she looked gloriously angry, and Sirius found himself smirking as a thrill of excitement raced through him.

"Wotcher, Tottle," he said lightly.

"Shut up," she snapped. "Did I hear Potter right? I heard you call Lily a 'know-it-all, ginger bint', but did you call her a stuck-up cow as well?"

Sirius gave her a curious look. "Eavesdropper."

"Answer my question."

"Yeah… I did," said Sirius defensively. "She is _acting_ like a stuck-up cow. What's she got against Prongs, eh? What's he done to her?"

"Prongs?" asked Julia.

"James… nicknames. What's he done to make her so angry?"

"Stalked her, for one… besides that, he's not actually interested in her; all he ever tries to talk to her about is how great _he_ is… who wants to hear about that?" Julia snorted.

"I know a few girls don't mind hearing about how great Prongs is," Sirius replied matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, and all those girls are a bit dead behind the eyes, don't you think?"

Sirius considered her, nodding and smirking a little. "Point taken. Evans _is_ brilliant, yes, but she doesn't need to be such a bitch-"

"_DON'T_!" snapped Julia. "That is my _best friend_ you are talking about; shut your mouth. Potter is a bloody pillock who only thinks about himself."

"Hey, _Potter_ is my best mate and-"

"You insulted Lily first… so now we're even."

"All right, all right… take it easy. But Lily _is_ being a snob, you have to admit that," Sirius said, holding out an accusing finger.

Julia rolled her eyes. "You'd know _all_ about being snobby wouldn't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are a stuck-up arse most of the time," Julia replied, picking her book up off the table. "That's right… I called _you_ an arse, Sirius Orion Black… a _stuck-up_ arse to be precise. That's what Lily's problem is with you, with Potter… with all of you!" she hissed. "You all walk around here like you own the castle; you and Potter think you're so _brilliant_ just because you can pull off every charm and transfiguration spell we're presented with," she continued, ignoring Sirius' noises of protest.

"Well, you obviously don't think I'm _that_ stuck up if you think I'm sexy," he said, narrowing his eyes as he called her out on the comments she'd made at the ball last year.

Sirius expected her to blush, or at least become sheepish, but a wicked smile came over Julia's face. She looked stunning; wickedly, gloriously, beautiful… "I might think you're sexy, Black… but you're just like all the admirers you've got following you and Potter through the halls."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you're all fur coat and no knickers," said Julia, turning toward the door with a haughty look.

Sirius grinned as he watched her go. "You'd like to see my knickers!" he called after her.

Julia paused. "The fact that you just admitted to wearing knickers… Yeah… that's a bit creepy, Black… but to each his own I suppose."

Sirius chuckled, knowing by the end of the day the rumor that he wore knickers would be all over the castle. "I like that girl," he said aloud.

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**December 20****th**** 1975**

**Mistletoe**

"He is a git," Julia was saying to Lily as they walked down the hall. "But he's right… I _do_ think he's sexy."

"Well, brilliant," Lily muttered, rolling her eyes. "That's all he needs to hear… between the two of them their egos could feed a starving nation of awkward teenage girls looking for approval."

Julia laughed. "Come on… he's a git, but he's a good-looking git."

"Good-looking or not… I'm thoroughly convinced that Remus is the only decent one in the bunch," Lily replied.

"You could go out with Remus," suggested Julia.

Lily shook her head. "He's pleasant… but he's ill frequently, it's rather strange. Besides that, I enjoy his company… and I have the sneaking suspicion that if he and I were to date, or if I were to show a bit of interest in him, Potter might murder him on principle, and that would make me sad."

Julia laughed. "He does seem keen to take out any and all competition for you."

"By only bragging about how wonderful he is," she growled. "God… he doesn't know a thing about me. I bet he doesn't even know what color my eyes are."

"Lily," said Julia with a chuckle, "_everyone_ in the school knows what color your eyes are. You can't miss them… they're like emerald beacons."

Lily laughed and shook her head, feeling her cheeks color over Julia's compliment. "So, if you find Black so sexy… why-"

"Because, he's an arrogant git… he doesn't stay with a girl for more than one afternoon, I know this first hand from Evelyn, and marriage is not in the cards for me."

"I didn't say _marry_ him, just… I don't know… go on a date-"

"No… I can't picture Black on a date. Though," Julia said thoughtfully, "a good snogging session wouldn't be _awful_. I wonder what kind of a kisser he is… he has very nice lips."

Lily giggled and blushed. "You'd know more than I would."

They had changed the subject to their recent Transfiguration task of vanishing items when Lily stopped suddenly at the top of the stairs. She nodded her head to the sprig of mistletoe hanging down from one of the picture frames halfway down the stairs, and then turned her eyes towards the pair of boys heading up toward them. "We should find a different path," she suggested.

"Oh… we'll just wait for them to pass it then we'll walk by them," Julia said. "I'm _not_ walking to all across the castle and back… I want to go to the tower _now_."

Julia started down the stairs, smirking when James' face lit up at the sight of her and Lily. He intentionally slowed his walking, musing lightly about how nice it was to stroll the hallways after dinner. Sirius sniggered and continued up the stairs, grinning wickedly at Julia's narrowed eyes.

Lily suddenly stepped on Julia's heel, causing her to jump down two steps until she was level with Sirius. The mistletoe above them let out a whooping yell. "_TIIIIIME_ FOR A _KISS_!"

Julia and Sirius glanced at each other as the Mistletoe began to taunt them. Sirius looked dumbfounded, but a little pleased as he appraised Julia, who was glaring angrily at a sniggering Lily.

"Oh ho, look at this; two's company, three's a crowd, four is… well… I'll see you back at the tower, Julia! Looks like you'll have even more information for me then!" she said, barely containing her laughter as she snuck by the two of them and past James, who was frowning slightly over his missed opportunity.

"Well, Tottle… it's threatening to bite our ankles if we don't kiss… I'm rather fond of my ankles," Sirius said, giving Julia a seductive look.

"_Prat_… just get it over with," she hissed. Sirius grinned, and then he kissed her.

Julia expected it to be a peck, perhaps a lingering kiss; but it wasn't. One of Sirius' hands threaded softly into her hair, the other snaking around her waist as he pulled her close. He leaned forward and hummed appreciatively against her lips as he tenderly kissed her, then increased the intensity slightly. Julia found herself relaxing; her hands that had been balled into fists at her sides were now sliding up his arms and around his broad shoulders. Sirius deepened the kiss by gently brushing her lips with his tongue, moaning almost inaudibly as he breathed her in. Julia felt dizzy, lightheaded, and she whimpered slightly when his tongue moved against hers. This was _not_ what she expected; it was better. Sirius Black was good kisser… better than Amos Diggory, much better than Court Huffton… and he tasted like chocolate mixed with peppermint. It was intoxicating.

Sirius was taken aback at Julia's acceptance of his slightly aggressive maneuvers. He had expected her to pull away in protest, but she softened against him and allowed him to kiss her deeply. Her sweet smelling hair was soft in his hands, and she felt warm in his arms. He kissed her hungrily, his tongue tracing against hers as she submitted to his will and then fought for control. She broke the kiss once to inhale sharply, then kissed him again, just as eager to return to the task as he was to continue it.

"Great googly," laughed James. "I should have brought my camera… this is quite the show!"

Julia's senses returned. She was not allowed to do this, not the snogging itself, but getting emotional with the snogging. She had no business getting emotional with anyone; she felt bad enough about her attachment to Lily, she didn't need another person to grieve over her when she was gone…

She gripped Sirius fiercely one last time, then broke the kiss, smirking at his closed eyes and the way he held onto her. It felt nice… too nice. "Well, Black… you exceeded my expectations, so there's your ego boost for the week," she said matter-of-factly, licking her lips and grinning as she tasted him again. "You boys have a good night doing… whatever it is you are off to do."

She smirked and threw her hair over her shoulder, nonchalantly walking away as though kissing someone deeply in a stairwell was an everyday occurrence. Sirius licked his lips; he tasted cinnamon… he threw James a bewildered look.

"That was… that was… well-"

"I _like_ that girl," Sirius announced, his voice shaking with surprised laughter.

* * *

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*


	2. The Spark  Thru End of 5th Year, 1976

**January 1976  
Kissing and Broomsticks**

"_It was __BRILLIANT__! Spectacular! She's a better kisser than Fosters!"_

James ignored the note, keeping his back on Sirius and refusing to acknowledge him for the first time in five years.

"_Hullo… I said she's a better kisser than Fosters. __**EVELYN FOSTERS!**__ Fantastic snog, you know this… Julia is better!"_

James ignored this as well; he was still irritated at Sirius for his disparaging comments about Lily over Christmas break, and his refusal to support James' continued pursuit of her. There was more scribbling, and then a third wad of paper was lobbed over James' shoulder. He grumbled as he unfolded it and read Sirius' comments.

"_You're just jealous 'cause it wasn't you and Evans. I've been thinking… Tottleham was a fantastic snog, Harlow told me MacDonald wasn't bad… since I seem to be doing most of the snogging lately, would you want me to try out Evans and report back?"_

James felt a low growl rise in his chest, but he controlled the response that was desperate to leave his lips. Sirius sniggered uncontrollably behind him, watching his ears go red as James slowly scribbled a response. A small wad of paper landed on Sirius' desk, and he grinned uncontrollably as James sat up stiffly in his chair, still refusing to acknowledge him despite the obvious provocation.

"That will _**NOT**_ be necessary."

"Black, wasn't your great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather involved in the Goblin wars?" Professor Binns asked randomly.

Across the room, Julia and Lily were sitting in the very back of the History of Magic classroom, carrying on a hushed conversation.

"I at least have a go to now," whispered Julia, twirling her hair absentmindedly as she thought of Sirius.

"You are unbelievable… really, Jules… _unbelievable_."

"Black's _tongue_ is unbelievable!"

Lily made a noise, trying to mask her laugh as a cough as she sniggered uncontrollably. She glanced across the room at Sirius. "Why are you so shocked? He's good-looking, and he's had experience… lots of it if the rumors are true. Why are you surprised?"

"I'm surprised because he wasn't terribly aggressive! He was almost… almost … _sweet_ about it. From the way Evelyn talks you'd think he would have tried to eat my face… but he didn't. And he tasted like chocolate… with peppermint!" explained Julia, closing her eyes and grinning broadly.

Lily chuckled, shaking her head as she turned back to the front. Binns had just asked Black a question, something about a member of his family being involved in the Goblin Wars they were discussing in History of Magic. Black responded, almost dismissively. The girls listened to the professor drone on for a few more moments before Julia spoke.

"Lils… thank you, by the way."

"For what?"

"For tripping me, and pushing me down on that step under the mistletoe. I'd been wanting to do that… and I never would have if you hadn't given me a shove," explained Julia.

Lily frowned, angling her body to face Julia. "Jules… if you _wanted_ to kiss him, you should have just gone for it. Why-"

"I can't… I can't go around doing things like that and getting attached to people. Relationships… it's… it's just not in the cards for me, Lily. You know this," Julia said, a somber expression on her face.

"You can't still believe that, Jules. She could be wrong, those damn cards could be wrong… all the time that stuff is wrong and-"

"We don't discuss it, remember? It's like You-Know-Who… accept it is That-Of-Which-We-Do-Not-Speak. It's just not in the cards, all right? Besides, it's _Black_! He snogs everyone, and that's it. It wouldn't ever be anything but snogging or getting off with him, and honestly, that's all I'd want. I couldn't ever take him seriously," she continued, interrupting Lily's protests.

"This is true," Lily sighed.

"I'm surprised he hasn't tried to snog you," added Julia a few moments later.

"I'm sure that would cause animosity between him and Potter."

Julia chuckled. "You know… you should just go-"

"No, I shouldn't. I don't feel like listening to _Prince James_ talk about how many goals he's scored, or how brilliant he is in class. I'm surprised his crown doesn't give his neck a crick, it's too damn big," she said in a scathing tone. "I couldn't ever take him seriously either."

"He's defended you."

"To whom?"

"To Black."

Lily looked confused. "Black? What… what did he _say_ about me?"

"He said you were stuck-up."

"_I am not_!"

"He also called you a know-it-all, ginger bint."

Lily's mouth popped open, she looked angry and hurt as she glared over at Sirius' figure.

"I defended you as well, of course," said Julia. "He didn't mean it, Lils. I think he's jealous of James' feelings for you."

"If he wants Potter to quote poetry at him - badly at that - and listen to him talk about Quidditch for hours, he can have it," Lily replied scathingly.

Julia laughed. "That's not what I meant. I mean… I think he's jealous because he doesn't want to lose his friend. They're like brothers, and I don't think Sirius knows anything about not being with those three all the time, especially James. It's probably hard moving from boyhood to manhood at this point; he doesn't want the separation to happen."

"Well, I'm not _trying_ to separate them," said Lily. "They can get married and live happily ever after and I'll be fine."

"But what about all the beautiful little babies you and Potter would make?"

Lily shuddered, cringing all over and giving Julia a furious glare. "Urgh… just… _no_… no, no, no!"

"Come on," said Julia, wiggling her eyebrows lasciviously. "You know he's gorgeous."

"He's good looking enough… for a broomstick."

Julia chuckled again. "Tall, dark, and handsome…"

Lily snorted derisively. "Lanky, pale, and pasty… and cocky…"

The bell rang, and the students hurried for the door. Julia and Lily watched Sirius fall into line next to a frowning James who was following Remus. Peter Pettigrew was scampering to keep up with them, and when he did catch up, James moved aside to allow him space beside Sirius.

Lily smirked and gave Julia a wicked grin. "Well… I will say that the broomstick has a nice arse," she admitted. "Must come from being one," she added, grinning as Julia laughed loudly.

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**March 1976**

**Heroics**

"Whatever is down there or in that house could have killed him… _both_ of them."

"That was really brave of Potter to go after him."

"What was Snape _doing_ down there anyway?" Julia asked Lily. This had been the talk of the morning, the gossip on everyone's lips. Why had Severus Snape snuck out at midnight to prod at the Whomping Willow and sneak into a tunnel below it? And _how_ had James Potter put aside his obvious hatred to go after him, thus saving his life from whatever was hidden in the Shrieking Shack?

Lily sighed, it was full of irritation. "Being nosy, he was being nosy. He's _obsessed_ with figuring out what Potter and his mates get up to all the time. You know how often they sneak out," she explained, staring at her book and trying to study rather than pay attention to the chatter.

"I understand that… but why? Why does he care?"

"Jealousy," said Lily simply. "Which is even stupider than _them_ sneaking out all the time. Sev is just as smart as they are; he has no reason to be jealous. But… they just hate each other so much; it goes deeper than just Gryffindor versus Slytherin. But Potter and Black are bullies, they-"

"So is Snape! He runs around with Avery and Mulciber and _they_ are crueler than Potter and Black could ever be," Julia pointed out. "Mary is still-"

"I _know_, Jules… I know she's still in the hospital for whatever they tried to do to her. I'm just as angry about that as you are, believe me," agreed Lily. "But that wasn't-"

"He may as well have been involved," growled Julia. "He's _friends_ with them, which means he's probably into the same types of hexes, and he agrees with what they do."

"That's not necessarily true, you shouldn't judge him based on-"

"People judge you based on some of the stuff I get up to," interrupted Julia. "Like snogging Huffton and Diggory… they think you go around doing things like that just cause I did. We rub off on one another, you know this."

"I know," confessed Lily, sighing heavily as she stared at the table. "I… I was going to say something to him anyway, because I hate Avery and Mulciber. I _hate_ them and their beliefs and… and this _can't_ go on. He can't support what You-Know-Who is doing _and_ be my friend. I hate the Dark Arts, and besides that… if everyone of my birth disgusts him, I should disgust him too. It doesn't make sense. I … I didn't want to… but I'm going to _have_ to talk to him about it."

Julia nodded, her expression softening sympathetically. She knew this was hard for Lily to admit. She didn't like to think about her blood-status as a problem, and she shouldn't have to. But there were so many people who considered it problematic that it really wasn't an option to ignore it. And Snape - Julia wondered how Lily could be so thick when she was so smart - the only reason Snape overlooked it in her case was because he loved her. But love or not… he couldn't hate everyone of Muggle birth and exclude Lily just because of emotional attachment.

"He's not going to be happy about that," advised Julia.

"I don't care if he's happy about it," said Lily. "It's stupid… he can make other friends, he doesn't have to hang round with them. He's not cruel like they are, or vicious… he doesn't want to hurt people. I _know_ him… he doesn't," she said, defending Severus from Julia's skeptical glare and noise of protest. "Why he insists hanging around them I don't know… but-"

"Especially with Mulciber calling you a … well… you know what," Julia said sadly.

"That too," agreed Lily. "It… that's… it's got to stop."

Julia nodded, feeling a heavy silence hang over her and her friend. The only noise around them was the chattering of other students. Lily and Julia stared at each other, feeling a change in the air that caused them both to feel heavy and saddened. Growing up meant confrontation; not only confrontation with what was waiting out there for them, but confrontation with friends and trials of friendship.

"I really, _really_ want…"

"You really want what?" asked Lily, watching Julia's thoughtful expression.

"I _really_ want to snog Black again," confessed Julia, changing the subject drastically.

Lily laughed, shaking her head as she grinned at her friend. She could always trust Julia to lighten the mood. "If you want to snog him, snog him," she said, simply.

"It's not that simple… and it's not a good idea," said Julia.

"Why not?"

"Well… it's just not. What if-"

"What if he took you seriously?" asked Lily poignantly.

Julia sighed. "He couldn't. Sirius can't be serious, remember?"

"Yes he can," said James Potter's voice. The girls looked up at him as he walked over to their table and sat down next to Lily. He stared at her intensely, his expression uncharacteristically sober. Lily wondered if he was going to ask if she thought he was brave for saving Severus; which she did… but she didn't want him to know that. It would only fuel his ego balloon, which was already over full as it was.

He kept staring, not saying a word. Lily began to feel herself blush under his gaze. She opened her mouth, but James took her hand and began to speak.

"_O hurry… where by water among the trees, the delicate-stepping stag and his lady sigh, when they have but looked upon their images, would none had ever loved but you and I," _he began in a low voice_. "Or have you heard that the sliding silver-shoed, pale silver-proud queen-woman of the sky, when the sun looked out of his golden hood? O that none ever loved but you and I…"_

Lily sighed, she felt immensely guilty. It was a sweet poem, it was beautiful… and James' voice was beautiful reading it. He was good-looking, and had incredibly hidden depths… but she couldn't see past the ego balloon holding his head up.

"_O, hurry to the ragged wood, for there I will drive all those over out and cry… o my share of the world, o auburn hair, no one has ever loved but you and I_," James finished. "I changed it a bit… it did say 'yellow' hair, but your hair is red… auburn… it's lovely."

He squeezed Lily's hand and looked deep into her eyes. She felt herself blush. "Potter… it's a bit-"

"Are you staying for break?"

"Yes."

"Go out with me."

Lily grimaced and shook her head. "No."

"Once."

"No."

"Just dinner."

"No."

"A walk?"

"_No_, Potter… you… the poetry is nice… and it's incredibly perceptive. But no… you are trying too hard and-"

"How … how can I try _less_ hard? What do you want less of?" asked James, trying to keep his voice calm and pleasant, though he felt increasingly irritated.

"Potter, I will admit there is a lot more to you than I thought… but-"

"Then give me a chance! You're right… there is more to me than you think. I'm smart… I'm… I'm funny. Sometimes you laugh at me, I see it. I'm good at everything… I'm brave. Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it… I'll do it perfectly… just-"

"Potter… no! Just… no… I'm … no," said Lily, cutting him off and standing up to leave. Her shoulders were hunched protectively as she walked out of the library.

James huffed angrily, turning to Julia with an exasperated expression. "It was Yeats."

"I don't know… Potter… I … give it a rest, maybe?" she suggested. "Find another girl for a while?"

James grunted something, it was unintelligible what he said. He stood up to leave, but Julia caught his arm.

"Say hi to Dog Star Hunter for me," she said quietly, giving him an encouraging smile.

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**April 1976 – Easter Break**

**Imagination**

James shuddered; he was wrapped in warmth. His whole body felt alive and on edge, like a fire had been started under his skin. She was soft underneath him, soft around him… there was friction, rubbing, fantastic tightness and warmth. He was overwhelmed by the warmth, the heat that that connected their bodies. James could hear himself groaning; it sounded awkward. Loud, wanton… but she didn't seem to care. Her voice was loud as well; her lips were against his, and then against his neck, and his ear… her breath warm and seductive… James thrust again, harder, giving into his desires.

"James…" her voice whispered. And he gripped her hips tightly, her skin soft and smooth under his hands. Her legs wrapped around his hips, he buried his face in her neck, breathing in her sweet smelling hair. She groaned again and James felt the sound race down his spine. How long had he imagined this? Imagined _her_ in his arms, sighing his name. She felt amazing… incredible … and _she_ wanted him. She wanted him _desperately_; he could tell by the way she arched into his thrusts, by how she moved her hips eagerly against his. How long had he waited for her to want him?

James kissed her, his eyes squeezing shut as a wave of pleasure rolled through him. She cried out, loudly, and his lips met hers. "_Oh_…" he groaned. "Li… _iiii…lllly_…" and kissed her again, opening his eyes.

There was something wrong. The eyes that met his were hazel… a pretty hazel, but not the green he was expecting. And her hair was strawberry blonde, more blonde than red… and her skin was not the pale, creamy pink color he pictured… it was tanned, a golden color. She was beautiful… but this was not what he had been imagining. He'd imagined Lily; _her_ sighing his name, _her_ legs wrapped around his hips, _her_ hair in his fingers and _her_ scent intoxicating his senses… but it wasn't her. It wasn't Lily. And this _wasn't_ his imagination… _this_ was _real_. The feelings were real, the sensations… the girl… it was all real.

"Isabelle," James whispered into her neck, a feeling of shock hitting him as he came crashing back to reality. A wave of awkward embarrassment rushed through him; he'd imagined Lily so clearly that he'd actually said her name.

Feeling slightly panicked, James kept moving, trying to save face… It _did_ feel nice, but this wasn't how he wanted it to be. It wasn't who he wanted it to be with…

"Jamez," she moaned, arching into him. "Faster… more… I want _more_," she begged.

James shifted awkwardly, trying to find a pace that would satisfy her. It was hard to maintain control; the feelings, the heat and friction… but she _wanted_ more. And he was already committed… he couldn't stop now…

"I want you, pleaze, Jamez… _harder_…" whined Isabelle.

James obeyed, awkwardly moving, trying to please her and himself. Prince James Potter; tall, dark and handsome… brilliant and cheeky… and _she_ wanted him. Isabelle Burleigh _wanted him_. Sirius had referred to her as a "walking Venus De Milo." She was beautiful, and sexy, and she felt amazing. But she wasn't Lily.

James moved, thrusting… friction mounting… heat, warmth, tightness… His body was into it, his mind was into it, but his heart was somewhere else. Prince James Potter, first of his friends to have sex… he should be announcing his run for king at this moment.

But his heart wasn't into the kingdom of pleasure wrapped around him. The crown was too heavy; and he couldn't stop imagining the one girl who wanted nothing to do with him…

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**April 1976 – Post Easter Break**

**Affects**

"You're overreacting about this, Lily," Snape drawled, his voice attempting to be low and soothing rather than irritated. "She was out of hospital-"

"She had to spend three days in there," snapped Lily. She ceased leaning against the pillar he had backed her up against and glared into his sallow face. She saw his eyes flicker between irritation and anxiety as she challenged him back. "What if Julia hexed Avery like that, huh? Wouldn't you be upset?"

Severus laughed once. "She couldn't pull off that-"

"You're damn right about that!" shouted Lily, her temper flaring. "She couldn't wield a curse like that because it takes so much _malevolent_ _emotion_ to cast it! And you're defending him! You're just writing it off like it was nothing!"

"Because it wasn't! I told you, it's no worse than what Potter and Black-"

"Here we go again," sighed Lily, rolling her eyes. "How did they come up into the conversation? I didn't bring them up… _you_ did; just like you always do. Focus, Sev… think about what _you're_ doing! I could care less about what those two gits get up to… but you… think about what _you're_ doing."

"I'm not doing _anything_!" Severus snarled. "I was almost killed and James Potter is reaping the glory for '_saving_' me! I'm getting scolded by you even though I haven't done a thing!"

Lily's expression softened, but her posture remained defensive. "You're choosing to… think about what you're choosing, Sev…" she pleaded. "Think about how it affects… how it affects your friends…_all_ your friends, if you still count me as one of them."

Severus' eyes went wide, his expression was pained as he reached out and put his hands on Lily's slumping shoulders. "_You_ are my _best_ _friend_… you're _more_ than my best friend, Lily," he whispered, his voice low and comforting.

"Then think about what you're doing… what you're friends are doing and getting involved with… and think … think about how it … if I really am more than your best friend, think about how your actions and choices affect me. I think about how mine affect you, can't you do the same?" she asked quietly.

Severus nodded, and then pulled Lily into a hug, his hand smoothing her hair in a comforting manner. Lily placed her arms around his shoulders and gave him a gentle squeeze.

Across the courtyard, James Potter was walking with Remus Lupin and talking about their Easter break. Remus was inordinately talkative; this may have been because James was inordinately un-talkative and Remus was trying to fill up the space. They began to walk back toward the courtyard when James stopped abruptly. Remus could feel him tense beside him, and looked curiously at James before following his gaze, eyes falling on what had obviously upset him so much.

Lily Evans had been hugging Severus Snape, letting him gently stroke her hair before they disentangled themselves and gave each other awkward, but kind, smiles. Lily looked flushed, like perhaps she'd let a bit more slip into their conversation than she had intended; Snape, on the other hand, looked beyond pleased. And aside from the fact that it happened to be Lily Evans he was touching, anything that made Severus Snape pleased made James Potter angry.

"James," cautioned Remus, placing one of his large hands on his friend's shoulder, "don't. Whatever you're thinking… don't. She won't be impressed."

"She… she was… maybe she wasn't letting him," said James desperately, looking to Remus for some sort of confirmation. "Maybe he hugged her against her will… she looks a little … disturbed … maybe she didn't want him touching her?"

"I… perhaps not," said Remus fairly. "But… James, be reasonable… it was a hug. It was just a hug. It doesn't mean-"

"It means she'll let that greasy, Dark-Arts obsessed, evil _sod_ put his hands on her but… but she won't… she won't give me the time of day," he snarled, turning back to where Lily and Snape were still chatting lightly. "She won't even talk to me… but she'll hug _him_?"

Remus looked lost for words; he agreed internally that Lily's actions were a little hard to understand, especially since not even twenty-four hours earlier, Remus had heard Snape call a second year girl from Gryffindor "Mudblood;" but it was still not James' place to get involved.

"James," said Remus, this time moving to physically restrain his friend, "don't. You can't-"

"He can't what?" asked Sirius, randomly approaching from the other side of the hill. "I was wondering where you two had gone off to. Jeeze, Prongs… you look a bit … well… you look a right mess," he added, glancing at James with an amused expression.

James flung Remus' arms off of him, and gestured toward where Snape was still talking with Lily. They watched as the two appeared to say a brief, and friendly, good-bye, and then Snape began to walk away from the courtyard to who knew where.

Lily sighed and leaned back against the pillar, she felt a bit confused. She had tried to explain to Severus that his friends' actions were causing her opinion of him to drop, but instead she thought he had taken her concern for an affection that she did not feel… and he very obviously did.

"Great… brilliant… nothing I say ever comes out right," she muttered to herself.

Suddenly there was a commotion behind her. Lily moved and looked around the edge of the pillars that surrounded the courtyard to see Severus, Potter, and Black firing spells at one another. From quick analysis, it appeared that the Gryffindors were on the offensive; Potter was on the ground from tripping over the laces to his trainers, which had been tied together, and his face was covered in dirt from falling. Black had a large welt on the side of his face, and he was stumbling around in a confused manner. Across from them, Mulciber was laughing as Snape looked down over the scene with a sneering glare.

Lily watched as Frank Longbottom stepped out of nowhere and broke up the fight, admonishing both groups and dolling out a detention to the four involved. He glared disapprovingly at Severus as he walked away, and as soon as his back was turned, Mulciber and Severus made identical mocking expressions to indicate they took no caution from his warning.

James righted himself and grabbed Sirius by the shirt collar, glaring angrily over at Snape. Lily silently raised her wand. "_Protego_," she muttered quietly, casting the shield charm she had become so proficient at between the two parties. She then began to walk forward and hopefully dispel the two groups.

"You'll regret that, Snivellus," snarled James. He performed a counter-curse on Sirius, who perked up and looked around at his surroundings before realizing what had happened.

"Oh, Potter… don't be sad. I was only trying to give Black the chance to lift your shirt the way he's wanted to for so long," drawled Severus in a mocking voice.

"At least someone wants to lift his shirt," snapped Black. "Even if there was someone who wanted to lift yours, it'd probably tear your skin off from being slimed to your body."

"And why's that the first thing you jumped to, Snivelly? Jealous, perhaps?" added Potter.

"I'd rather have my fingernails pulled off-"

"That can be arranged," Black threatened, moving forward. "And I'm sure we can find someone to pull your pigtails as well so you won't be jealous. It won't be me though… don't want to soil my hands, you know."

"We can arrange to have your Mum's pigtails pulled," Mulciber said lightly.

Sirius laughed, it sounded like a barking dog. "_My_ mum? Go right ahead; she'd probably be into a couple of greasy sods like you getting her off. Course… I'm sure she'll be disappointed when Snivellus can't finish the deed 'cause he's gone limp."

"Perhaps," Mulciber said, placing a friendly arm around Snape's shoulder. "But what about Evans, Potter? I doubt either of us would go limp for her."

Lily's shield vanished with a loud pop. For a second, the Gryffindor boys were focused solely on hexing Snape and Mulciber with every spell they knew, but then the four of them began to look around for the source of the popping noise.

Four pairs of eyes fell on Lily, whose face was livid with anger. Snape appeared only slightly concerned, his eyes flickering between her and Potter, who was looking at her – for the first time in a year – like she was the last person he wanted to see. Black and Mulciber seemed to disregard her presence, they continued to focus on one another.

"Nice of your _friend_ to defend you, eh, Evans?" muttered James coolly.

Lily stiffened at his comment, then she turned her wand on Mulciber. "_CURLAXIS_!" she shrieked. Mulciber's legs gave out from underneath him and he fell to the ground, his head whipping back violently.

Snape moved to help him up, but Lily had reached where they were standing and pushed him aside roughly. "Awh… you couldn't even hold it up for two seconds once you noticed me, huh, Mulciber?" she sneered. "Must be because of my blood… surely you wouldn't seriously consider pulling the pigtails of a mudblood, eh? What would Rosier think?"

Mulciber said nothing for she had silenced him. Lily considered spitting on him, but she was angrier at Severus for not calling him out on his insult and insinuating he would be willingly involved in such an act. "You…" she snapped, turning back toward Severus with an angry glare. "Couldn't even consider my request for five minutes could you?" she asked.

Severus opened his mouth, but Lily didn't give him time to respond, she didn't feel like listening to his apologies at the moment. She turned on her heel and walked away through the pillars and into the castle. She hadn't even gotten to the first set of staircases that led to Gryffindor tower when someone grabbed her arm and spun her around.

James Potter was staring down at her, his expression torn between anger and concern as he glared. He was breathing heavily, as though he'd followed her in a sprint. Remus and Black came round the corner, slowing their run to a walk as they approached.

"Tell… tell me that he hugged you against your will," said James carefully. "Tell me the only reason you didn't hex him was because you're nice. Tell me that you didn't _want_ to hug him."

Lily pulled away from his grasp, randomly noting that he was quite a bit taller than she was, and when he was angry his jaw became set at an odd angle that made him look incredibly attractive. She pushed these observations away, narrowing her eyes and staring him down with just as much vindictiveness. "It is no business of _yours_ who I do or do not hug," she snapped. "Just understand that it will never, _EVER_, be you."

"You'd rather hug that greasy wank than talk to me? You'd rather let him… let him touch you than even consider having dinner with me?" asked James incredulously.

"Yes, I would," Lily replied coolly.

James' face contorted; his eyes were narrowed and full of anger, and his lips were set in a hard line. He randomly leaned forward, almost as though he considered kissing her, but then he huffed angrily and glared at her. "Fine… just… _fine_," he growled. "I hope you … _fine_… your loss."

James turned sharply and walked back toward his friends, who were eyeing him with cautious expressions as he walked past. Lily watched as they gave her a curious look, to which she simply shrugged her shoulders and turned away from them, continuing on her path to Gryffindor tower to think over whether or not she wanted to remain friends with Severus.

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**May 1976  
Un-chivalrous Adventures**

Julia was sniggering uncontrollably as she stared down the table at Potter and his friends. Lily was throwing them disparaging glances and continuing to eat as though she wasn't paying attention.

"Felicity must be adventurous," Julia continued, ignoring Lily's eye-rolling. She sniggered and turned towards Mary, who was much more interested in the gossip than Lily appeared to be. "Though, she's got me curious with her talk about Potter and his hands."

"I thought you were still curious about Black's tongue," said Lily coolly.

"Oh ho… is someone jealous? Would you like to find out what Felicity is talking about when she says that Potter's _tongue_ is its own entity?" asked Julia in a sly voice.

Lily made a disgusted face. "Please… the less we talk about Potter's tongue the better off we'll all be," she muttered, refusing to turn her eyes to where everyone else was staring.

Down at the middle of the table, James was lapping up the comments from the males of his house. Tomorrow evening, he was scheduled to do detention with Madam Pomfrey, cleaning out the beds of the hospital wing. Ordinarily, it wouldn't be that bad of a task, but there had been a rampant case of the flu going around and thus it would be much harder work than usual.

"So was it worth it?" asked Jasper Westpelt, his eyes flickering from James to the Ravenclaw table where Felicity Flutterhorn sat, also basking in the attention she was receiving.

"Hell yes it was worth it," Peter piped in, speaking for James. "Have you seen her? God… you should have taken pictures or-"

"I'm a gentleman, Wormtail," said James dismissively. "There'd be no sense in-"

"Not too much of a gentleman," Sirius laughed. "I don't know many gentlemen that would let a girl go down on them in the back of an alleyway. You could have at least conjoured a pillow for her to kneel on."

The boys roared with laughter, and James shook his head, his cheeks slightly flushed. He glanced down to see if Lily was paying attention, even if it was giving him a loathing glare… anything… but she was resolutely ignoring everyone. He'd never seen a girl attack her food the way she was going after her small steak and kidney pie. How she managed to still look so lovely doing it was beyond him…

"Prongs… really," said Sirius. "You've got Flutterhorn now… she's willing to get her kit off in an alley for you. She's willing to get on her knees and … plus, she's let you do _everything_–you may as well just shag her for good measure. And you're _still_ staring at Evans?"

James turned his eyes back to his food and began picking at it moodily. "That's exactly why I'm still staring at Evans," he explained. "Because she's not willing to get her kit off in an alley for me… there's still something to her. Why would I want to go out with a girl who gets her kit off after two dates – and they weren't even really dates… where's the mystery? Where's the challenge?"

Sirius shrugged. "Life is challenging… why go for a girl who's going to be?" he pondered, grinning when Peter sniggered next to him.

James nodded, considering over Sirius' comments. "Isn't it rather hypocritical to keep badgering me about fancying Evans when you are obviously still hung up on Tottleham? I'm surprised you haven't been trying to snog her senseless with the way you talk about her," said James.

"He's got a point there, Padfoot," added Remus. "I haven't heard you talk about Evelyn Fosters since Christmas. And where are you off too these late evenings in the Library?"

"Studying," said Sirius, though he sounded a bit sheepish.

"Since when do you study?" Peter asked skeptically.

"Since you sods started badgering me about O.W.L.'s," he growled defensively, getting up from the table and walking away, valiantly trying not to look at Julia as he passed her and she smirked seductively at him.

*~*~*~*SJSJSJSJ*~*~*~*~*

**June 1976  
End of Year Ball**

Sirius walked resolutely over to the table where Julia was sitting alone. He noticed she had out a divination book and was perusing through the pages in between staring out the window. It was no wonder a lot of people considered her flighty, she walked around completely lighthearted… no cares in the world. Sirius found it to be an intriguing characteristic, not one that put him off.

"Hullo, Tottle," he said, sitting down across from her and smiling in what he hoped was an attractive way.

Julia flicked her eyes up, a smirk crossing her face as she slowly lowered the book. "We meet again, Bla," she replied.

"Bla?"

"You've taken to dropping the last three letters of my name," she pointed out, "its only fair if I drop two of yours."

Sirius laughed and leaned forward on his elbows. "You know, I've got some brilliant midnight blue robes I'm wearing to the ball tonight," he said nonchalantly, examining his nails. "Bring out my eyes, they do… the _sexy_ eyes… wasn't it you who referred to them as such?"

"It was me," she admitted, the corners of her mouth curving up. "Was it _you_ who referred to me as 'sex on sticks?'"

Sirius smirked, quirking an eye brow as she gazed appraisingly at him. He swallowed, pushing his sudden nervousness down and replacing it with courage. "I did… you are."

Julia giggled and began reading her book again. "Thanks for the compliment."

"Go to the ball with me," Sirius suggested.

"Oh… you'd like to find out if I really am Sex on Sticks, eh?"

Sirius grinned. "A gentleman like myself would certainly not expect a lady such as yourself to get her kit off at such an early stage in our relationship, give me more credit than that."

"Do you deserve more credit?" asked Julia with a giggle.

"Of course I do," said Sirius. "I don't believe any of the rumors that run rampant throughout the castle about you."

"Oh, well… that just puts you back on a pedestal doesn't it?" she teased. "You don't believe the rumors then… not even the one about me shagging Huffton on the Quidditch goal posts?"

"Of course not. Not only do you have better taste than Huffton-"

"I did snog him," confessed Julia.

"Snogging and shagging are two different things," he said, dispelling her confession. "You have better taste than to shag him. That… and shagging on the Quidditch posts would be impossible unless one or both of you can achieve levitation."

Julia laughed, a bright cheerful sound. Her eyes were alight with mischievousness, and Sirius found himself enthralled by the slight blush to her cheeks. She shook her head at him as her giggles subsided and she resumed her reading. "You have hidden depths… and I must say I need to give you credit for your glorious pranks on Snape and Mulciber over the past fortnight," she admitted.

"My personal favorite was the dungbombs," Sirius said, a proud smile on his face. "His robes stank for days. Though, I thoroughly enjoyed transfiguring his hands into tentacles."

"Well, all of them were okay with me."

"Thought you were against such childish antics," Sirius commented.

"He hurt my friend," replied Julia, her eyes lifting slightly from her text. "Even before the lake incident, he hurt my friend. I'd have thought you'd of realized by now that I'm a bit of a lion when it comes to protecting people I care for."

Sirius smiled even wider. "I have… I like it. You're very fierce."

Julia smirked. "Rawwrrr," she growled playfully.

"Come to the ball with me," Sirius suggested again, leaning closer to her.

Julia appraised him, a small smirk still on her face. She leaned forward on her elbows, matching his posture playfully. Before she could respond to his proposition, Sirius closed the distance between them and kissed her lightly on the mouth. His tongue traced along her bottom lip, and he smirked at her responding intake of breath. "Come to the ball with me," he whispered, not moving away.

Julia licked her lips and dropped her eyes. She looked coy as she considered him, biting her lip nervously. Finally after a few moments, a few moments in which Sirius' heart raced like a heard of horses running across an open plain, she lifted her eyes to his.

"I'll save you a dance," she said quietly, smiling at his brief look of disappointment. "A few dances then."

Sirius watched as she winked at him and got to her feet, walking seductively away from where he was sitting and leaving him with a goofy smile on his face.

"You're not eating again," said Julia in a disapproving voice.

"I'm eating," Lily replied. "I ate earlier when I went down to help Longbottom finish up the decorations and what-not."

"You are coming down to the ball though, right?"

Lily sighed. "Yes… I am."

"To apologize to James…"

"If nothing else. I will apologize to him," said Lily uncomfortably.

"Good, because he didn't deserve to be hexed like that," Julia replied coolly.

"Yes, I realize this… you can all stop lecturing me now," Lily snapped, her cheeks coloring. There was silence as Lily finished her make-up and Julia watched. "So did you find a date?"

"Going alone," said Julia, feeling her stomach flutter nervously as she thought of dancing with Sirius. She'd never felt this nervous when planning to engage in a meaningless snogging session with someone, and it frustrated her that her nerves were on edge. _It's probably because it's not meaningless to me_, she told herself. _And that's why tonight is it… no matter what happens next year, tonight is it_.

"You should have asked Black," said Lily, looking over her shoulder. "You want to go with him. It doesn't have to be meaningless all the time."

"Lils, yes it does. It's-"

"-Not in the cards, I know… blah, blah, blah," Lily replied dismissively.

"Well, it's _not_. I don't want to leave behind a bunch of hurt people if something does happen to me."

Lily nodded. "You know… you could be hurting people _more_ by not being a part of their lives while you're here. My dad knew he was dying, but that didn't stop him from spending as much time with us as he could. And I'll never forget that… I wouldn't trade those days I spent fishing with him or just watching television for anything, no matter how much it hurt when he died."

Julia watched as Lily took a deep steadying breath, her cheeks flushing with color as she wiped her eyes before turning back to the mirror. She had a point, a very valid point. But Julia knew she'd never be anything more to Sirius Black than just a snog… and it was probably better that way.

"I'll see you downstairs," said Julia, smiling at Lily who responded with a small grin in the mirror.

Dinner passed, and Julia fiddled with her food and watched Sirius throw disparaging looks at James as his head whipped back and forth in search of Lily. _He really does have it bad for her_, thought Julia. There was part of her that pitied him, part of her that envied Lily, and another part that found the situation entirely hilarious. Lily was making things entirely too complicated; she should simply just accept James' invite and go on a date. Julia had already seen it, they'd be perfect together. It was more definite and absolute than the waxing and waning of the moon… but Lily was stubborn. She refused to accept that James Potter could be more than a bully, that he could be – would be – incredibly sweet and wonderful to her.

"Hey Julia," shouted James' voice as their plates cleared and the dance floor opened up. "Want to dance?" James quirked an eyebrow at her, holding out his hand in a gentlemanly fashion. Julia's eyes flickered from James' smirk to Sirius' smug smile that was slowly fading from his face. She grinned wickedly and beckoned James over.

He strutted across the hall, looking tall and handsome in his dark green robes. Julia held out her hand and ignored Mary's amused giggle as James swept her dramatically onto the dance floor.

"Good heavens," she laughed. "No wonder Felicity likes you… all the drama."

James grimaced slightly. "Can we _not_ talk about Flutterhorn?"

"I'd like nothing better than to _not_ talk about Felicity Flutterhorn," Julia agreed. "She's had way too much talk as of late."

James chuckled. "Yes… let's find some other gossip to discuss."

"Like the fact that you only asked me to dance because you know it would upset Black?"

James laughed loudly, nodding at Julia's observation. "True as that may be, it wasn't my only motivation."

"Your other motivation being…"

"My other motivation would be my desire to hold a beautiful, gracious, woman in my arms," said James in a complementary voice.

"I see," said Julia. "And… uh… I see that Lily's unavailable," she continued, nodding over his shoulder to a sight that caught her eyes and confused her beyond all reason. Lily was dancing with Sirius, he was holding her very close and chatting animatedly. She had a bemused smirk on her face, and was laughing at his jokes, albeit a bit uncomfortably it appeared.

James' face fell, he turned over his shoulder to follow Julia's gaze. Sirius was dancing with Lily, his hands on her waist and hers on his shoulder. James felt a rush of fury, he meant to drop Julia's hand but she gripped him tightly and turned him back to face her.

"You're going to marry her," said Julia in a low voice.

"_What_?" asked James, laughing despite his angry expression. "She can't stand me. Why? Why can't she stand me?"

"Because all she knows of you is you bragging about how great you are at Quidditch, or how wonderful you are at our lessons. All she sees is you showing off to get attention, or hexing people for no reason," Julia explained. "You are a lot more than that, James Potter."

"I'm not trying to brag," he said, frowning slightly. "I'm only trying to make her see that I'm good at things. There are other… other girls… who like hearing about how good I am at Quidditch or how –"

"Lily Evans is _not_ that girl," said Julia. "She's got more substance than those girls… and this - _this_ is why you like her so much. It's the _substance_, it's the fact that she's smart enough to _not_ fall for you just because you're handsome and all that."

James tilted his head, considering Julia's observation. He gave her a curious glance. "You are a lot more perceptive than people give you credit for."

Julia smirked. "More than just a pretty face."

"Sirius thinks you're more than just a pretty face."

Julia tipped her head curiously. "Does he?"

"He thinks you're a fantastic snog," said James. "He's been talking about it since Christmas. _And_… he hasn't kissed anyone else since then either."

"_Rea-lly_…"

"Really," James confirmed. He sighed and looked at his trainers. "Do you think Lily will ever-"

"She will… and your chance to redeem yourself just showed up," said Julia, turning James around roughly.

Sirius had left Lily and was walking to where Julia and James were standing, but he paused when Snape approached from out of nowhere and grabbed her roughly by the arm. He meant to step forward to intercede for Lily when she jerked away from Snape and glared hatefully at him, but James blew past him and was instantly at her side.

Sirius and Julia watched as Lily shouted something at Snape, then grabbed James by the hand and pulled him across the dance floor to the opposite side of the room. Sirius glared as Snape walked back out of the hall, until he heard Julia laugh gently beside him.

"Oh good, they're dancing," she said with a broad smile. She gestured toward where Lily and James were standing, and watched as James placed a confident hand on Lily's waist and she placed her cautious and awkward hands on his shoulders. He turned her slowly, and Julia nodded in approval when he caught her eyes for a brief second. Sirius stepped back, flashing James a bright grin as he moved beside Julia. They watched them, noticing Lily relax as James' nerves picked up. But they were talking; she was laughing, and he was smiling…

"Five galleons that she doesn't stick it out more than five minutes," said Sirius a few moments later, quirking an eyebrow in Julia's direction.

"Please, give her more credit than that. I give her ten," she said, extending her hand. Sirius shook it, smiling broadly as their fingers lingered together.

Julia released his hand and slowly backed away from him toward one of the many Gryffindor hangings. Sirius frowned and followed her, pushing the hanging out of the way and giving her a curious glance. "Hey… what about that dance you saved for me?" he asked.

"Shut up," she replied, seizing his collar roughly and pulling his lips to hers.

Sirius let out a muffled moan as his hands cupped Julia's face and she gripped the collar of his robes tightly. They kissed deeply, hungrily; six months of pent up desire being released in one kiss, a confusing enthralling mix of lips and teeth and tongues. Sirius twisted the fingers of one hand into her hair as she gripped his fiercely; his other hand slid to the small of her back and pulled her firmly against him. She softened, her body angling perfectly along his. He twisted the material of her dress – her red, satiny, perfectly cut dress – in his fingers, and was suddenly filled with an intense longing to tear it from her body.

"Thought you said a gentleman such as yourself wouldn't expect me to get my kit off this early in our relationship," she teased as he steadied her swaying figure up against the wall behind her.

"I don't… I'm not," Sirius murmured, still kissing her hungrily. "You look brilliant by the way," he added as she kissed his jaw line and moved her lips to his ear.

"Sex on Sticks?" she whispered throatily, her lips grazing his earlobe.

Sirius groaned, a shudder raced through his body. He pulled her lips back to his, wasting no time in deepening the kiss as she succumbed to his passion. "Sex on Sticks," he whispered. "Amazing, long, wonderfully shaped sticks."

Julia laughed, it was muffled by Sirius mouth. She felt dizzy again and allowed him to support her as she arched into him. His hand that was tangled into her hair moved over her shoulder and down to her waist. She was surprised at the softness of his touch; it was hungry, but somehow gentle. She felt desired. When she had kissed Court Huffton, he had been all about touching every inch of her he possibly could. And Adrian Rollingsfield had been overly aggressive and eager for her to touch him. But Sirius moved slowly, relishing in the subtle curves of her body, and he kissed her as though she was something to be cherished and praised… not something to be devoured and conquered.

"You're a fantastic snog as well," she whispered as he moved his lips to her neck.

Sirius smiled. "Prongs has divulged my secrets then…"

"It's about time he divulged something to me," she giggled in response.

Sirius paused… time… he looked at Julia curiously then glanced at his wrist. "_SHIT_!" he swore, causing her to jump. It was eleven forty-nine; Remus would have transformed by now and was banging himself into doors and scratching violently at his limbs. "Shit… buggering hell," he groaned, giving Julia a pained look.

"What?" she asked, shocked at his change in attitude.

"I'm sorry… oh… you don't realize … shit," he swore. "I have to go… I have to go … damn it."

"You have to go," Julia said, her lips falling into a pout.

Sirius looked pained, and then leaned forward and kissed her again fiercely. "I wanted this… it's not you. I have somewhere to be."

"A prank or adventure, I'm sure," she said in a throaty whisper.

"I like you, Tottle…"

"You like my lips," she said, smirking as she shoved him gently away from her. "Perhaps someday, when you don't have as much going on, you can find out if you like _me_ as well."

She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and sauntered away. Sirius watched, feeling torn, amused, and completely attracted to whatever made her taste and smell so wonderful.


	3. Agreement  Summer  Fall 6th yr 1976

**Summer 1976  
Letters**

"_Tottle,_

"_I don't think I said it enough on the train… or perhaps that was because every time I tried to talk to you I was interrupted. But, in any case, I am exceedingly sorry for not finishing what I started – actually, what __**you**__ started - at the ball. It has become the single biggest regret of my long and lonesome life. I do hope you can forgive me and will respond to my letter._

_Summer here has been boring as usual. I'd much rather be at Prongs' house than here in London with my mental pathetic excuse for parents. He's much more entertaining, as I'm sure you know. Have you heard from Miss Evans about how her dance went? I'm curious to see if she divulged anything to you about her and Prongs' conversation._

_Again, so sorry… but I can promise you that I'll be anxiously awaiting to find another hanging again… will you be doing the same?_

_Yours,_

_Sirius Orion Black aka Dog Star Hunter"_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Bla,_

"_You are exceedingly forgiven for not finishing what I started. I was in no pain after being so rudely left behind for some prank that you pulled. Though, I will admit my blood pressure may have risen a few degrees from the heat of your mouth._

"_You'll be anxiously waiting to find another hanging, eh? Well, I can't promise you anything… but should you find me alone, I may be willing to snog you again, only for a moment though. Can't keep you from all your other activities. _

"_I have not heard from Lily, nor would she divulge any part of her and Prongs' (might I ask what the hell that nickname means?) conversation. Though… I'm suspecting, just because I know Lily, that she might have developed a little bit of a crush on James. Getting her to admit this, however… well that's a whole other matter entirely._

"_Summer is good, I'm making sure my long, wonderfully shaped sticks are getting plenty of sun here in Manchester. It's been cool, but it's pleasant enough. _

"_If I don't hear from you again, do enjoy your holiday, and try not to get into too much trouble._

"_Tottleham"_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Tottle,_

_Can't explain much, but I'm leaving home and heading to Prongs'. I'll write you a proper letter upon my arrival. I just wanted to let you know in case it took me a bit to respond._

_Yours, Black."_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Sirius,_

"_I got the impression from your first letter that you didn't think much of your parents… and I saw that you'd be leaving soon. I do hope everything is all right. If you need anything please contact me and I'll be glad to help you anyway I can._

"_If you're reading this, it means you're at Potter's now, since that's where I sent it… as I said, I do hope you're all right. I'd hate to think of myself waiting behind a Gryffindor hanging for ages only to realize you weren't ever going to show up to ravish me…_

_Write soon, be safe._

_Julia."_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Tottleham,_

"_I apologize for not responding sooner. Prongs and I have been getting me settled in his house and causing all sorts of boyish mischief. It's a good thing his parents love me… I reckon if they didn't they might be considering murder by now. Only joking of course, we aren't causing that much trouble._

"_Long story short on my abrupt departure, I ran away from home. I was disowned by my parents for… well, for not believing that Muggle-borns and Half-bloods should be murdered. My mum found your letter, raised a fuss since you're not a pure-blood. I told her to shove it and took off._

"_I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty, I'm simply explaining that I am not part of the Black family any longer. We may share a name, but we share no beliefs despite what you may hear from anyone else. The state of someone's blood means absolutely nothing to me; I'm more concerned with how they act. And the way things are going, I'm rather disgusted with the way a lot of pure-bloods are acting. But that's another subject entirely._

"_In other news, I traveled to Hedge End the other day to sit in on a prefect meeting between Remus and Evans. She happened to mention that she wasn't returning to Hogwarts this fall? Have you heard from her? Obviously this upset Prongs, seeing as how it interferes dramatically with his plans to woo and eventually marry her and consummate their affections… but it concerned me as well. She belongs at Hogwarts, there's no reason she should leave._

_I'm under the impression that Evans doesn't have an owl, so you may want to write her first. She could use reminding of how many people would miss her if she were gone. _

_This also being said, I feel the need to inform you that, despite my aloof demeanor and frivolity I have engaged in during the past, I find myself missing you. It may have something to do with the wonderfully shaped sticks that you've been tanning (PHOWAR! Could you send pictures?), or possibly it could be that you seem to be the only female I know of who can keep up with my wit. Either way, I'm anxious for September first so I can see your brilliant, sexy eyes again._

_Yours,_

_Black"_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Black,_

"_One: PHWOAR! No, I will not send you pictures of my tanned legs. You can use your imagination, which is what I'm sure you have been doing… cheeky, cheeky boy. _

"_Two: You were __**disowned**__ by your family? Even if they don't agree with you, you're still their son… disowning you is pretty harsh. I am very sorry… I know you probably don't want to hear my sympathies so I will not continue on that path, but know I am sorry. If you need to talk, I have ears and they actually listen, surprisingly enough._

"_Three: I'm composing a very frantic letter to Lily as we speak. Thanks for writing me… I had no idea she was thinking about that and if she doesn't show up on the platform on September 1__st__ I will personally be traveling to Hedge End to physically drag her skinny arse back to Hogwarts. I can't survive without her… she's my best friend. And I to do not want Prongs' plans to woo her interrupted; I feel that would be detrimental to wizarding society as a whole if they were not given the chance to 'consummate their affections' as you so delicately put it._

_Yours,_

_Tottleham_."

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Julia,_

"_Keep your knickers on! And tell your owl to not be so vicious! The little bugger practically pecked my fingers off before I started writing this. I'm fine, everything is fine. No, I did not do poorly on my O.W.L.'s. I'm simply considering staying with my Mum. She's been so sad since my father has been gone, I'm worried about her. _

"_And meeting with Remus and the other two was no big deal. They were actually very pleasant; __**considerate**__ even. They did torment Petunia and her git of a boyfriend, which doesn't bother me all that much and was actually rather amusing. If anything, they're good to have around for defensive purposes._

"_Love you as well, I'll talk soon._

_Lily"_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Lily,_

"_**YOU DID NOT SAY YOU WERE COMING BACK! I WANT TO HEAR THE WORDS!**__ If I don't hear – all right, well, __**see**__- the words written in your next letter I will come to Hedge End and physically drag you onto the platform. I mean it._

"_And Gerard is a serious owl. Do not cross him. Write me back… he knows what to expect._

"_Julia."_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_Julia,_

"_Wow… no love this time. I am coming back. Dumbledore actually visited me, Potter wrote to him as well. Those boys are mental. _

"_See you soon,_

_Lily"_

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

**September 1976  
Using**

"… it's really the substance of the form that is changing. That's why mammal to mammal is harder, because you aren't actually changing the substance. The biology of the person or animal changes, but not the substance," Sirius was explaining as he helped Julia write her essay.

"So, when you're … changing a squirrel to a chipmunk, you're focusing on changing it mostly in appearance and behaviour rather than changing the actual genetics and family that the animal is in, right?" she asked, thoughtfully reviewing her notes.

"You've got it… perfect," said Sirius approvingly. He rested his chin inhis hand and watched her curiously, ignoring Remus' amused smirks and Peter's sniggers. When Mary engaged them in another question, Sirius took advantage of his friends' distraction and blew very lightly on Julia's neck, chuckling when she shivered and flinched away from him.

"Will you stop?" she demanded, trying to fight the smile forming on her face.

"Why? You like it," he whispered, leaning closer to her.

"I think _you_ like _doing_ it," she muttered.

"I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't," grinned Sirius. "You know… a lot more could be learned if we took a trip down-"

"I've got to finish this," said Julia. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave Sirius a meaningful look. "Don't you have a prank or something to plan?"

"No plans… I've got nothing going on," he said, watching with a frown as she got to her feet.

"Thanks for the help, Black. But I've got to finish this. You'll have to catch me another time," she said lightly, giving him a sly wink before heading up the stairs.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

It had been a week since Julia had asked for help on her Transfiguration. It had been a little less than a month since school had started again. And it had been ninety-five days since Julia had last kissed Sirius. And he was getting antsy.

He watched her as she walked back from dinner, following behind her and Evans in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner. He was planning to ask her for help on his Charms homework, though he needed none. _She'll know that, but maybe she'll come anyway_, he thought to himself. It didn't matter at this point, he was becoming desperate to feel her in his hands again.

"You know, I think I'm going to run and shower," said Julia as they walked. "I feel tense for some reason."

"You want to use the Prefects bath?" asked Lily. "It's closer than the others, and no one will be in there."

"Hmmm… that tub you describe does sound nice," she said lightly. "All right… how do I get in?"

"There's only a password," said Lily. "It's 'squeaky.' There are towels in the cabinet next to the door, and the faucets will put out both bubbles and water if you want."

"That sounds lovely, perfect stress reliever."

Lily laughed. "It's on the fifth floor across from that Boris statue," she explained. "I'll see you back in the dorm later."

"After you find James and tease him more about this mystery you're brewing? I heard he got a bit snippy with Remus when you talked to him."

"I'm not brewing any mystery that I feel the need to tell Potter about," she said in a nonchalant tone. "I'll see you later, Jules."

Julia laughed and waved bye to Lily as she traipsed up the opposite staircase. Sirius followed Julia as she moved toward another staircase, then rushed up next to her before she could take the steps to climb it.

"Evening, Tottleham," he said in a seductive voice.

"Evening, Black," she replied, looking at him with a tired expression. "Might I help you with something?"

"I couldn't help but overhear that you're feeling a bit stressed out," he said, frowning slightly and stepping closer to her.

"Eavesdropper," she teased. "I'm only tired. Lessons, getting used to being back at the castle… all that jazz."

"I love jazz."

"I'll bet you do," chuckled Julia. "You seem like a Sinatra type of bloke."

"Er… right," replied Sirius, smirking and making a mental note to ask someone what a Sinatra was. "You know, I'm rumored to give excellent back rubs."

"Are you now?" asked Julia, stepping off the stairs and following Sirius as he gestured her toward a door that was hidden behind a statue of armor.

"Yes, I am actually," he said, holding out his hand. She took it, giving him a quizzical glance, but following none the less. He opened the door to one of his favorite spots in the whole castle: the abandoned classroom eleven. There was a desk in the far corner, shelves full of old books and extra equipment often used in their Charms and Transfiguration classes. But mostly Sirius like it because of the solitude he found while in there. Not many knew of its existence, and thus he could retreat to this room when he wanted to be alone… or alone with someone.

"You've got me curious, Black," sighed Julia. "I'm willing to give you a shot."

"Excellent," he said, twirling her around until she was inside his arms. Instead of kissing her like she expected, Sirius' hands moved over her shoulders and began to knead the muscles of her back. Julia moaned quietly, her eyes closing as she sat down on the edge of the desk and allowed him to continue his work.

Sirius' hands were very large, his fingers very nimble as they worked steadily into her tense muscles. He started at her lower back just above her hips, and then slowly moved upward with steady pressure. Eventually, he snuck his hands under the t-shirt she was wearing and worked on her bare skin. Julia sighed deeply, he wasn't lying about giving good massages. One hand was tenderly massaging her neck while the other rested against her waist when she finally felt the urge to speak.

"You deserve much more credit than I've ever given you, Black," she whispered, tilting her head back into his hand.

Sirius smirked and leaned closer; she felt his warm breath on her throat and shuddered, arching closer to him. His lips pressed lightly against her skin, slowly moving over her jaw line to her earlobe. "Are you soothed?"

"A bit," she replied quietly.

"Only a bit?" Sirius laughed. "How can I help soothe you more?"

Julia smirked. "I don't think you're interested in soothing me."

"On the contrary, I'm only interested in soothing you," Sirius whispered. "And making you relax… and helping you so you don't feel so tense…"

"Right…" Julia sighed, leaning back on her hands as Sirius' teeth grazed her earlobe softly.

"I've been feeling a bit tense myself lately," he added.

"Have you?"

"Mmm hmm," he whispered, kissing along her jaw line. "But I know what's been causing my tension."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes… I've been missing this," whispered Sirius, and then his lips were against hers, and Julia didn't know which way was up or down. All she knew was Sirius' lips, his tongue caressing hers, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other gripping her hip tightly. Julia gasped loudly, the sound muffled by Sirius' lips as she slipped a hand around his neck and pulled him against her.

Sirius groaned, sliding both his hands to Julia's hips and holding her tightly against him. Her legs slid up and around his hips as her hands began tugging greedily at his t-shirt. Sirius assisted her by ducking his head and letting her pull it off; he was rewarded when her hands slid up over his shoulders and her lips kissed along his collarbones.

"Oooo," she breathed into his ear, her thin fingers digging gently into his muscles. "You are tense."

Sirius chuckled, it sounded shaky and unfamiliar to his ears. He pulled her lips back to hers and laid her back against the desk. Julia acceded to his pressure and let her arms float above her head. Sirius kissed her and slid his hands under her shirt and up her waist until his fingers met with rounded flesh. He groaned as she arched into his hands, his thumbs tracing over her budding nipples through the fabric of her bra.

Julia whimpered, half of her brain begging for more, the other half urging her to stop now. She'd been gone farther than this with Diggory, but he'd left after that. It had been his last year at Hogwarts and she didn't have to look at him every day. She had to look at Black every day; had to see him during lessons, had to talk to him about assignments… had to be filled with longing for him to touch her as he was now.

"Black… I think-"

"Don't think," he whispered, pulling the fabric of her bra aside and tracing his thumb across her nipple. He smirked against her lips as she gasped and arched closer to him. "You don't need to think so much…"

Sirius moved his lips lower until there were against the curve of her breast. His tongue flicked out and over her nipple, causing her to groan louder and tangle her fingers in his hair. Her skin smelled clean and sweet, and it felt so soft against his lips and in his hands. He slid his arms around her ribcage, unclasping her bra and moving it out of his way completely. He held her steady with one hand at her back as his other cupped her exposed breasts. Sirius allowed his eyes to open, to take in the sight in front of him; her sun-kissed golden skin, the gentle curves of her breasts, the light tan color of her areolas… she was utterly spectacular.

Sirius moved his lips back to hers and kissed her sweetly as he lay down beside her and gently caressed her breasts and stomach. Julia pulled him close, pressing her warm bare skin against his and sighing into his mouth. Sirius pushed her long hair from her face as she rested overtop him. "Are you soothed?"

Julia smirked, her cheeks coloring slightly. "I am considerably less tense," she whispered, kissing him very softly.

"I could relax you more," Sirius offered, holding her lips against his and kissing her deeply.

Julia laughed lightly. "I think… that it would be wise if I were to go to my shower now."

She leaned back, adjusting her clothing and sliding off of him. Sirius sat up on his elbows, observing her appraisingly as she walked toward the door. "Back rub offer stands whenever you need it. I'm excellent at it," he reminded her.

"Perhaps, but you _aren't_ excellent at keeping secrets," she smirked. "I'll see you in class, Black."

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"Can I ask why you always feel the need to leave off the last three letters of my name?" asked Julia in a muffled whisper. She was pressed up against the desk again, breathing heavily as Black's tongue traced over her lips. He pushed his hips against hers, causing her to lean back and groan loudly. _This is mental_, Julia thought, her inner monologue going wild. _It's insane… it's frivolous and stupid and irresponsible and… so, so, sooo much fun. Stop thinking like Lily… stop it, stop it, stop it… oh, God he's a good kisser…_

Sirius didn't want to stop kissing her; it was moving quickly up the list of his favorite things to do. This week, it had settled right in at number two, falling behind frolicking during the full moon. It had moved ahead of planning pranks, and hexing Snivellus… hexing anyone. He'd cease hexing anyone ever again if he could be promised that her kit would come off and he could shag her. Not just once… multiple times… numerous, multiple times.

"I don't answer questions outside of lessons," he murmured, answering her question hastily so he could return to kissing her. His fingers undid the buttons on her blouse quickly and he pushed the white material aside, chuckling lightly and biting his lip as he looked over her creamy skin. "Naughty girl… what would McGonagall say if she found out you weren't wearing a bra to our lessons?"

Julia smirked. "She'd probably ask you how you found out I wasn't wearing a bra, and then you'd get in trouble for lascivious acts."

"First we'd have to engage in lascivious acts," Sirius advised, moving his lips to her neck as his hands traveled up and over the curves of her ribcage. He nestled his face against her breasts, smiling as she lay back on her elbows and arched into him. "And you'd have to consent."

"Obviously my lack of bra should indicate my consent. I thought you were clever." Julia muttered, giving Sirius a sarcastic look.

He laughed gently, letting his lips wrap around her nipple and his tongue circle the soft flesh. Julia moaned, her back arching more as she lay against the desk. Sirius maneuvered his hips in between her legs, his hands still caressing her skin as he rubbed himself against her. "I wanted to hear you say it."

"Say what?"

"That you want me."

"I didn't say that."

"You're consenting," he murmured, flicking his tongue faster against her and smirking as she groaned again. "You went sans undergarments knowing you'd meet up with me."

"With whom, exactly, have you been getting off?" asked Julia as Sirius kissed over to her other breast and resumed his suckling.

"Why?"

"Because you're _really_ good at this," she whispered.

Sirius smirked, kissing higher until his mouth was against hers. "I'm good at a lot of things."

"You're a smug prat."

"You like it."

"I never said I didn't."

Sirius laughed, and kissed her again. She pulled up his shirt and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling his skin flush against hers. Sirius loved it: the feel of her warmth, her softness under him. He loved how she kissed him, her quiet voice moaning and whimpering over his touch. He loved how she arched into him, how eager she seemed… he started imagining her naked, her bare skin against his and around him. _I'd shag her… oh I'd shag her if she'd let me_, he thought_. And then I'd just lie next to her and touch her all over until I was ready again and then I'd shag her more. And then she could sleep and I could sleep next to her… all night long…_

Sirius paused, feeling her fingers thread through his hair. He liked Julia. He liked her enough that he was entertaining the thought of shagging her. Not only shagging her… but shagging her multiple times and then _sleeping_ next to her. Staying with her… all night… he didn't want her to leave…

Julia sighed and leaned up on her elbows. "Are we done for the day?" she asked, kissing him softly and examining his eyes.

Sirius swallowed, but didn't answer her question. He stared at her breasts and shoulders, feeling her eyes watch him curiously. "You all right?" she asked, pushing his hair from his face.

"Yeah."

"Okay," she said, sitting up as he moved off of her. She buttoned her shirt and pulled on her jumper, giving him a smile as he watched her with a slightly concerned expression. "You sure?"

"Yeah… yeah I just… I like you."

"You're not so bad yourself, Black," said Julia lightly, walking over to him and kissing his cheek. "'Till next time then."

And with that she sauntered out the door and on her way. Sirius stood in the empty class room, part of him wanting to run after her, and the other part ordering himself to stay put and not get attached. Sirius Black _**did not**_ get attached to people, especially to a girl… to a bird…

Though it seemed this particular bird wasn't terribly attached to him either… and Sirius' emotions were fighting with themselves. Was that a good thing? An easy thing? He could find Julia and indulge his fantasies for a while without all the entanglement?

Or did he want the entanglement despite his promises that he'd be a bachelor for life?

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"Didn't you hear her the other day?" Sirius was asking Peter over dinner two weeks later. "She said _she_ was using _me_!"

"I know, it's shocking," Peter replied, his voice full of mock horror. "How dare she even _consider_ using you! You're supposed to be using _her_… isn't that how it always works?"

James chuckled heartily and Sirius threw a roll at him. "Fuck you both," he growled. "Using me… she _wants_ me."

"Course she does," said James nonchalantly. "She's going to lessons without a bra on, she wants you."

"She's calling you Sirius now instead of Black," Peter added.

Sirius made a face, nodding to this agreement as he watched Julia and Lily wander out of the Great Hall. James was watching Lily like always, though there was a strange little smile on his face. "How was detention, Prongsy?"

"Brilliant," James grinned. "How was yours?"

Sirius shrugged. "It was _delightful_. Filch _adores_ me," he said, grinning as James and Peter laughed and they got up from the table.

Two hours later, Sirius watched James leave the common room in search of wherever Lily had gone off to, and Julia left the room almost twenty minutes later, muttering something about a shower to Mary as she stepped out the door. Sirius jumped to his feet and followed behind her.

"You _know_," Sirius called as Julia passed by his favorite classroom on her way to the showers, "I can relieve your _tension_ a lot more than a cold shower can…"

Julia giggled lightly, and gave Sirius a bemused look over her shoulder. "I'm not off to take a cold shower," she said seductively. "I'm off to take a warm one. Warm, and sudsy, and I'm going to lather my hair up and let the bubbles drip all over me and rub lotion on my smooth legs…"

"Can I watch this spectacle?" asked Sirius, a broad grin on his face.

"No, the bathroom will yell at you if you try to get in."

"What? Why?"

"Same reason the stairs yell at you when you try to get in our dorms," said Julia, turning away from him. "You have a penis."

"That penis is why you're using me, isn't it?"

Julia stopped abruptly, turning around and crossing her arms over her chest. Sirius smirked. "You said that… you said you were only using me."

"And what, might I ask, are you doing with me?" Julia responded, a smirk on her face though her voice was cold.

"Not using you," said Sirius, stepping closer to her. "I like you, Julia."

Her expression softened, and her cheeks colored. She looked down at the floor and began to tap her toe as she thought over her words. "You shouldn't," Julia said after a few moments.

"Why not?" asked Sirius curiously.

"I'm not your type of girl."

"I don't have a type."

Julia laughed. "You like girls who will fawn over you and let you do whatever you want whenever you want… you like girls to follow you around like little black puppy dogs," she said, giving him a serious look. "What's funny?"

Sirius chuckled, trying to re-arrange his expression to let her know he _was_ listening to her. "I don't like that type of girl."

"You don't?" asked Julia skeptically. "Why'd you get off with Evelyn then so many times? And Kersey? They both talked you up like a God and fed your ego."

"Yeah, and notice that I'm not with either of them," Sirius said, moving even closer. His face was inches from hers. "I'm following _you_… the girl who's _using_ me."

Julia lowered her eyes. "I didn't mean it like that."

Sirius lifted her chin. "How did you mean it?"

"I was only teasing you," Julia insisted. "I like to tease you."

"That you do," he whispered quietly. "I can be a tease too."

And then he kissed her, and Julia's arms wrapped helplessly around his neck. Sirius' hands snuck under her shirt, they were warm against her skin, softly caressing her stomach and rib cage. Julia tangled her fingers into his hair and allowed him to push her up against the wall, arching her back and pulling him against her as he cupped his hands over her breasts and pushed his hips against hers. She was caught up in his lips, his tongue… the sound of his voice rumbling deeply in his chest as he moaned into her mouth.

Sirius groaned as Julia melted under his touch, her breathing becoming ragged against his lips. He loved kissing her; she was passionate and responsive. Her lips were soft, she tasted sweet; Sirius pulled her closer and pressed his hips against hers, sliding a hand down to her leg and up her thigh under her skirt. She arched her back and he moaned quietly.

"Using me…" he whispered.

"You shouldn't get so up in arms about it," Julia replied breathlessly, allowing him to kiss her neck. "It's not like you haven't done it to other girls before."

Sirius frowned playfully. "I just didn't think someone as sweet and _innocent_ as _you_ could ever do a thing like that," he grinned, ceasing his ministrations. His hands withdrew from her shirt and under her skirt and he stepped away from her body slightly. Julia bit her lip. "What are you using me for anyway?"

Julia narrowed her eyes. She grabbed Sirius roughly by the collar and pushed him against the door to the empty classroom. The corridor was secluded, but not entirely, though neither one of them moved to open the door. Julia kissed him roughly, almost angrily, her hand slid down his chest to the top of his trousers. She un-tucked his shirt and scratched his belly softly, then snaked her fingers under the edge of his trousers as her other hand lowered and began to open the button and zip.

Sirius' eyes widened, but before he could say anything her fingers slowly traced the edge of his raging erection. He groaned, his voice cracking in an unmanly fashion as he pulled her closer and gently pushed her hand deeper into his trousers. Julia swatted his hand away and resumed her movements, tortuously touching him with her soft, slender fingers. Sirius groaned again as her hand moved inside his boxers and wrapped around him.

He felt the hand that wasn't touching him pull his wand from his pocket. He gave her a curious glance, but then felt a rush of warm wetness fill the palm that was gently squeezing him. He moaned louder as Julia's grip tightened and she kissed his neck, her hand stroking him very slow and soft.

Sirius felt his chest rumble as a moan echoed inside it; he tilted his head to kiss her again. To his surprise, Julia pulled away and slid his trousers further down his hips. Sirius randomly felt exposed, then guilty for not pleasing her, but became distracted again as she squeezed him and stroked more firmly.

"Look at me, Sirius Black," Julia demanded.

Sirius forced his eyes open and stared into her piercing blue ones. She had a wicked grin across her face and he couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "Good boy," she breathed seductively, her lips brushing against his.

"Right…"

"_Listen_ to me," she whispered against his mouth. "I… am… _not_… using… you," she insisted, punctuating each word with a firm and glorious stroke. "All right?"

"All right…"

"So we agree?"

"Yes…"

"Because if I was only using you," she whispered, pressing her lips against his once then pulling away, "I wouldn't be doing this… I'd only be letting you get me off, right?"

"Yeah…," Sirius groaned. "I can-"

"Shut up," she whispered, kissing him again, her tongue brushing over his lip before her teeth pulled at it gently. "I like you too, Sirius."

"_Brilliant_…"

"But I'm not girlfriend material," she insisted, not ceasing her movements. "I can be your friend… with benefits if you wish… but I cannot do the girlfriend thing."

"Why?" asked Sirius, opening his eyes and watching her curiously, though his focus was still on the intense pleasure he was feeling from her touch.

"Because people shouldn't get too attached to me, I don't like to let people get attached," she explained. "I think we're the same in that respect."

"Fair enough," Sirius said before he groaned loudly as she stroked him faster and firmer. It felt so good; nine months ago he would have been perfectly content to let whomever he was snogging at the time go to work and he wouldn't have given it a second thought. But he felt himself longing to lean forward and kiss her, longing to please her the way she was pleasing him, longing to hear her make the same noises he was making. He shifted and tried to kiss her.

Julia pushed him back, her lips pressing against his as he groaned loudly into her mouth. She held him on the brink; his eyes were heavy, mind blank… there were little flickers of light behind his eyelids…

"So no girlfriend."

"Not girlfriend."

"Friend…"

"Friend…"

"With benefits?"

"Great benefits," Sirius gasped. "Spectacular, _excellent_ benefits…"

Julia smirked wickedly. "You like this?"

"Yes…"

"How much?"

"A lot… kiss me," he begged.

Julia giggled, the sound was intoxicating, and leaned forward. Her lips moved against his, her tongue tracing the insides of his mouth, fighting with his own. Sirius groaned, his breath heavy as the flashes of light became brighter. Julia didn't stop; she kept stroking him until an immense wave of pleasure rocketed over his body. Her lips kissed his once, twice… she gently withdrew her hand from his trousers and used his shirt to clean up. Sirius grimaced and chuckled. "Er… you know, there are spells-"

"You'll have to teach me," she whispered, kissing him once more and then walking away.

"Hey… wait," Sirius said, hastily pulling up his trousers and buttoning them as he followed after her. "Where are you going? I want-"

"Just… think about this, Sirius," she said, stepping into the girls' bathroom and giving him a significant look. "_Really_ think about it… I'm not looking for a boyfriend because I can't be a girlfriend. So just… think about what you want. You shouldn't get too attached to me."

"Why?"

"Because I won't always be around," said Julia, turning her eyes away and biting her lip.

"Well, neither will I."

Julia smirked. "Then I'll be thinking as well," she whispered. "Perhaps I shouldn't get attached to you either."


	4. Getting Attached  Winter 1976

**Getting Attached  
October 1976**

Sirius was laughing as Julia flicked her wand at the rat in front of her, attempting to change it into a mouse. Nothing happened; the hair didn't change, the tail didn't shorten. Sirius chuckled and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It's not easy, I just make it look that way," he said smugly.

Julia threw his hand off and glared at him. "You know, I'm only struggling with it because _you_ insisted on meeting me up here at fucking arse o'clock in the morning," she growled, laying her head against the table.

Sirius laughed and began to rub her shoulders. "I've never heard you swear," he teased. "It's kind of intriguing."

"Intriguing?"

"Yes… that something so dirty could come out of something so sweet."

Julia chuckled. "You are _obsessed_ with me being dirty."

"I think that, secretly, you are a _very_ naughty girl," Sirius whispered in her ear, causing Julia to shudder and cringe away from him.

"You're imagining things," she replied, giving him a severe look.

"Have you been thinking?" he asked, moving to stand next to her, his amused face watching her closely.

"About Transfiguration," she replied, her expression not softening. "What have you been thinking about?"

"Getting attached."

"That's a bad _idea_," Julia replied in a sing-song voice as she sat up and began to pull her books back into her bag. "If you're not going to help me, I'm heading back to the tower."

"I never said I wouldn't help you," Sirius whispered, placing his hand over hers and pulling her book away. "I only asked you if you'd been thinking. See… I have this theory-"

"You have a theory," said Julia, her voice dark and her expression stern.

"Yes, I do. I'm completely fine with your proposal… and obviously you are too or you wouldn't have suggested it. But I think you're a bit afraid to let your guard down," he insisted.

"My guard is down, Sirius; in fact, I don't even have a guard," Julia insisted. "I just don't want _you_ to get hurt."

"I don't get hurt," he replied.

"Such a tough boy" said Julia, an amused smile on her face.

"What about you?"

"I don't get hurt either," Julia insisted. "But… I do like you. I think you're funny, and you're nice sometimes…"

"_And_ you think I'm sexy," Sirius teased.

"I also think you're arrogant, and you're not _nearly_ as sexy as you'd like to believe."

Julia's expression softened to one of amusement as she stared up at him. Sirius grinned wickedly; it made her skin break out in Goosebumps. "Really…" he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her to her feet. "I wouldn't think I was sexy had you not given me the idea."

"You prat," she laughed as he pressed himself purposefully against her. "You are all talk, Sirius. All talk."

"Am I?"

"You are."

Sirius grinned. He placed his hands on her waist and his lips slammed against hers as he pushed her back; Julia stumbled and was forced to sit down on the edge of the library table.

"What _are_ you doing?" she hissed, her expression turning panicked. "We're in the _library_! What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything," Sirius whispered, kissing her softly. "_Yet_…"

"Yet?" asked Julia skeptically. "What makes you think-"

Her words were cut off when Sirius kissed her again, his hands sliding under her cloak and ratty t-shirt to pull her even closer. Julia gasped as Sirius laid her back and pressed his hips against hers; her knees squeezed him tightly as he continued kissing her hungrily.

Sirius pushed the cloak she had kept wrapped around her away and slid his hand up her thigh under her the shorts she wore for pyjamas. Julia whimpered but continued kissing him, her hips sliding closer and involuntarily rocking against him. "Sirius… _we're in the library_."

"But you want me to touch you," he breathed, fingering the line of her knickers and smirking as she inhaled a shaky breath. "You want me to touch you very badly…"

"All right, _fine_… yes," she acquiesced. "But … can't we go back to the common room, or your dorm or… that empty class room or-"

"Why? We're right here… why should we move?"

"Because-"

"No one will find us," he whispered, pushing her thighs open wider as he leaned up slightly to examine her slender legs. He tickled and caressed her inner thighs, straying so close to where she wanted him to touch. "We're safer here than we were in the _hallway_…"

Julia whimpered again, her back arching as she tried to inch toward where he was. Sirius grinned and leaned down to kiss her, settling himself so he was kneeling over her on the table. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"You know what," he whispered before kissing her softly. "Naughty girl… lace knickers? Did you sleep in these last night knowing you'd meet up with me?"

"Shut up," she growled, trying not to smile. Sirius grinned and slipped his fingers inside her knickers, tickling the soft tuft of hair that lay at the apex of her legs. Julia bit her lip, her eyes closing as she arched toward him again.

"Say it."

"I hate you."

"You want me."

"Then _do_ something about it," she growled, leaning up and kissing him fiercely. "Touch me."

Sirius shifted and trailed his thumb through the moist folds of skin before circling her clitoris lightly. Julia gasped, her head fell back and she rocked her hips against his hand. He teased her for a few moments before sliding his middle finger inside of her. She groaned, he swallowed the sound with another kiss and continued to slide his fingers in and out of her warm tightness. _Knew those rumors were a bunch of lies_, he thought to himself when he felt how tight she was. _She hasn't shagged anyone…_

Julia's head was spinning, and she groaned loudly as Sirius slid a second finger inside of her and his thumb circled her clitoris. She pushed her hips against his hand, feeling wanton and aggressive but ignoring the shame and purposefully seeking out what he apparently wanted to give her. He had long fingers, and they were smooth and skilled. The rumors about him and Evelyn must have been true, she thought, because he was certainly much more proficient at this than Diggory had been.

Sirius kissed her, it was soft but hungry. "Your voice is amazing," he whispered.

"I didn't realize I was singing," she replied, groaning loudly as he purposefully flicked her clitoris.

"You're cheeky," Sirius laughed. "Cheeky girl… beautiful girl," he whispered, flicking her clit again and grinning as her hips bucked against his hand. He bent down kissed along her breast, pulling the still clothed nipple into his mouth and gently teasing it with his teeth. Julia's voice rose in pitch and she arched into him. "Naughty girl…"

"Oh, God…" Julia gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth as her body began to shake from the inside out. Sirius curled his fingers and she came undone, her hand capturing the soulful moans that left her throat and the other gripping Sirius' shirt tightly. He nudged her hand out of the way and used his mouth to swallow her remaining cries.

When the contractions around his fingers ceased, Sirius withdrew his hand from her warmth and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck and lips as she lay panting underneath him.

"Holy Lord," Julia sighed after a few moments.

Sirius smirked and kissed her. "I'm not always a tease…" he grinned, laughing when she shoved his head away then kissed him soundly on the lips.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

_This is mental, this is mental… this is… mental, insane… it's_… "Oh my _God_," Julia breathed heavily. Her nails dug into the skin on Sirius' shoulder, causing him to increase the pressure of his movements. His thumb pressed against her clitoris, circling it and flicking it with the perfect amount of pressure. She could feel him smirking against her lips and she thought he would kiss her, but then he kissed lower and his mouth closed over her nipple again. She tried to focus on her task, shifting her grip so she could brush her thumb around and under the head of Sirius' cock.

Sirius murmured appreciatively, the vibrations of his moan causing shivers to run down Julia's spine. She gripped him tighter and decreased the length of her strokes; she increased the pace though as Sirius curled his fingers inside her and she cried out loudly. The sound was like a jolt of electricity, and as Julia' teeth grazed Sirius' ear he groaned loudly and came undone, his own movements ceasing as she kissed him fiercely and continued stroking him all the time he came.

Sirius collapsed against her, his head buried in the space between her neck and shoulder, his fingers withdrawing from her warmth as his hand rested against her hip. He reached for his wand and murmured a vanishing spell, groaning again as Julia laughed in his ear.

"I win," she whispered, kissing his cheek and grinning broadly. "I told you that I'd get you there first."

"You're a cheat," he whispered. "You had me hard from the minute we got in here."

Julia laughed. "You shouldn't get so excited about me not wearing knickers, it's not my fault you can't control yourself."

Sirius made a face, but then leaned forward and kissed Julia softly. He lay down and rested his head against her chest, nuzzling his face against her breasts as he caressed them with his hands.

"James seemed a bit surly last night," said Julia lightly.

"He wants Lily to ask him to that party of Slughorn's," Sirius explained. "I'm guessing it hasn't crossed her mind."

"Oh, it's on her mind, but I thought he was going with Felicity?" asked Julia.

"Well, that's his back-up option," Sirius shrugged. "He said he'd plan on going with her for now."

"For now?"

"If Lily asks him, obviously he'll go with her. But if she doesn't, he still wants to get into the party so he can see her."

Julia snorted. "That's stupid."

"What?"

"If he wants Lily to ask him to the party, he should stay available. She thinks he's going with Felicity, so obviously she's not going to ask him now…"

Sirius considered this as he rubbed his thumb over Julia's still hard nipple. Her hair was sprawled out around her head; one of her legs was resting over Sirius' as he curled against her. She really was quite beautiful…

"You have a point," Sirius conceded. "But it's not like Lily was going to ask him anyway."

"She might have, I know she was thinking about it."

"Did she say something?"

Julia smirked. "No, she didn't. It was her absolute refusal to say _anything_ that tipped me off. She's starting to fancy him."

Sirius made a face. "Hmm…"

"You still don't like her, do you?"

"It's not that," said Sirius honestly. "Lils is fine; she's cheeky and smart and funny… all that stuff. I just… I don't like her pulling Prongs' chain. If she fancies him, she should just-"

"It's not that simple," Julia interrupted. "She's … she doesn't like to get attached to people because she's afraid of losing them. It's the opposite of how we are."

"Her dad dying was really hard on her."

"Yeah, and watching her mother grieve and go through all that pain was worse. It's not like her mum was walking around sobbing, but Lily said she was just quiet and… she could hear her crying at night when she thought everyone was asleep. It was really hard on Lily," Julia explained.

Sirius nodded, still trailing his hands lightly over Julia's bare skin. "Well… I hope she comes around. I do think her and Prongs would be a good match. They'd have handsome little babies."

Julia laughed. "Don't worry… they'll get married and save the world or something. Can you explain what the hell that nickname means?"

"Someday I will," he murmured, kissing the top of her breast and squeezing her tightly.

"So what about you, eh?" asked Julia, ruffling Sirius' hair. "Sluggy's always trying to collect you into that little club. How come you don't go to these parties?"

Sirius' expression grew hard; he rolled onto his back and crossed his arms over his chest as he thought over her question. Julia sat up onto her elbows, watching him with her piercing eyes. She wasn't going to let him off…

"He just wants me 'cause I'm a Black. Long lineage, Pure-blood… it's stupid," he said in a low voice.

Julia nodded, sensing he didn't want to talk about his ousting from his family or why he chose not to be in the Slug Club. "I kind of wish I could go to these little parties."

Sirius sat up. "Why? It's just a bunch of Slughorn's stuffed shirt friends and cocky kids who think they shit gold because he finds them interesting."

"Hey now, Lily's in the slug club and-"

"_Lily_ is in the Slug Club because she's brilliant at potions, but she's the only one," said Sirius. "That and Slughorn has got a hard-on for her."

"This is true… but still, I'd like to get in just so I'd have an excuse to get all dressed up," Julia shrugged, lying back and running her fingers through her hair.

"They're wearing costumes this year."

"I'd still like a reason to get dressed up. I like doing it for the ball, it's fun," Julia continued, starting to pull pieces of her clothing back on. Sirius watched her, his eyes moving over her pale skin and feeling his pulse quicken slightly.

"Get Linghold to ask you," Sirius suggested coolly.

Julia chuckled. "You're still jealous that I tried to snog him last year, aren't you?"

"I'm not jealous. I could be snogging someone else _and_ you, you know. It's not like we're committed," he grumbled.

"Yes, this is true," she sighed, pulling on her socks and smirking at him. "And yet… you're still here, snogging me every morning. Who do you snog in the evenings?"

Sirius lifted his eyes. "Who do _you_ snog in the evenings?"

"Lily… or Mary," she said, listening as Sirius chuckled. "That'll fuel your dreams for a while, eh?"

"I'll relay this to Prongs. He'll probably want to leave my two-way mirror propped up in your room so we can watch."

Julia laughed. "You know I'm not snogging anyone else in the evenings."

Sirius nodded. "But you could."

"But I'm not… I don't see the need," she whispered, leaning close and kissing him softly.

Sirius nodded. "Me either," he breathed, pulling gently at her lower lip with his teeth. He ran his fingers through her long hair. "What are you doing while Lily's going to be at this ball?"

"Dunno, probably what I always do."

"Snog Mary."

"Of course," Julia giggled.

"Come down here after dinner," Sirius suggested. "I'll find a radio; I can show you how good of a dancer I am."

"Is this a date?"

Sirius considered her; Julia was biting her lip, a dull blush coloring her cheeks. "I reckon it could be a date," he smiled, watching as she grinned happily.

"All right… after dinner then," she said, kissing him once more before pulling on her cloak and walking toward the door.

"Dress up," called Sirius, listening to her responding giggle as the door closed and he lay back against the floor, his mind and body still slightly intoxicated from her touch.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"How do I look?" asked James, examining himself in the mirror.

"You look a right poofter," said Sirius, not lifting his eyes from his own mirror.

"It's the hair," said James, frowning at his for once tidy hair. "Do you realize how much Sleak-easy's I had to put in it?"

"I can imagine. And to think, it'll all wear off during all your bustling about, and then you'll have little random pieces sticking up everywhere," Sirius said fondly, grinning over his shoulder as James gave him a worried look.

"That's not sexy."

"Neither are those robes," Sirius chuckled. "I still can't believe you're going to this party to wait on people. It's so beneath you, and Linghold is going to have a hay day."

"Linghold can kiss my pasty white arse for all I care," James scowled. "And I could care less about the waiting on people."

"You just want to see Evans."

"I want to make sure that Lily is all right," said James nonchalantly. "You know Linghold has got it bad for her, and I want to make sure that he treats her appropriately."

"You want to make sure you do something that makes him get out of line so he looks like a right prick."

"He's a prick anyway, and I think Lily knows that. But, either way, I want to make sure he treats her respectfully."

Sirius smirked. "You're becoming much nobler."

"I've always been noble," James replied defensively. "I just… I really want to make sure he treats her okay. I don't think she wants to go with him. She said something last night about it being rude to back out on him… but it was almost like she wished she could…"

"What did she say to you the other day? Before Flutterhorn hexed her? You were pissed off during class, and she looked sad," said Sirius, sitting down on his bed and pulling out his trainers.

"She said she hoped that if someone were to kiss her, it would mean more than just… just… kissing. You know… more than just getting off or snogging someone just because it's fun," James said sheepishly.

Sirius nodded, frowning slightly as he tied his trainers.

"Speaking of snogging someone just because it's fun," James said knowingly, quirking an eyebrow at Sirius. "What are your plans for the evening?"

"None… gate crashing possibly," Sirius grinned.

"Right, I think meeting up with Julia is more likely," smirked James, laughing when Sirius laughed and gave him a wicked smile.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"I think your costume is brilliant, Lils," Julia was saying as she pulled on a scarlet calf length dress she had in her trunk, "but everyone at that party is going to be too dim to get it."

"James will understand," she replied, biting her lip as she looked in the mirror. "It's obvious… they can't all be that thick."

"It's obvious if they knew you were trying to be clever instead of dressing like some slag," said Julia knowingly.

Lily frowned. "I can't compete with her."

"Oh, don't give me that," Julia chuckled. "There is no comparison. You are everything she is in appearance, plus ten, plus you're intelligent and kind and _not_ a slag."

"Her chest is bigger than mine," said Lily, looking down and frowning at her lack of a bosom. "And she doesn't have hips and-"

"Your hips are fine, they aren't big," said Julia. "They're feminine and wonderful."

"I have short legs."

"You have an amazing arse."

Lily laughed. "I didn't realize you'd been examining."

"I haven't, this comment has been relayed to me."

Julia smirked as Lily blushed brightly and began to fidget. "I still hate it, and my legs, and my lack of a bosom."

"James is not a breast man," said Julia lightly. "Not that he doesn't like them, because I'm sure he does, but he's more of an arse bloke."

"You seem to know an awful lot about James' preferences for female bodies."

Julia smirked. "All this information has been relayed to me."

"From Sirius."

"I'll never tell… I have my sources, that's all you need to know."

"I reckon you've been telling him all my comments and worries about James."

"Would I do that?" asked Julia innocently.

"Yes."

She smirked. "Lils… I haven't told him _everything_. I've only told him things he can relay to James in order to help him on his quest."

Lily frowned, her cheeks coloring again. "James doesn't need any help."

"No… I reckon he doesn't by that blush you've got going," Julia grinned.

Lily rearranged her expression and began to put on her makeup. "And just where are _you_ going?"

"Nowhere."

"All dressed up and nowhere to go?"

"I just felt like wearing this," said Julia. "Does it look all right?"

Lily smiled. Julia had this ability to look absolutely stunning no matter what she wore. "Sirius will love it. Though…" Lily mused, flicking her wand at Julia and changing the color of the dress to a dark black. Julia examined it, then flicked her wand and added a slight glaze of glitter that made the fabric shimmer as she moved. "There… now you'll match," she teased, turning back to her own mirror and examining her appearance cautiously.

Julia smirked. "It's too bad Max isn't a seeker."

"Why's that?"

"Cause you're quite the catch, Lils… don't forget that."

Lily made a face. "I'm glad he's not a seeker. I don't want him to catch me."

Julia giggled. "Well… just remember, James played seeker in three matches last year."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning he's good at catching snitches… he's good at catching _elusive_ things," Julia murmured, watching as Lily blushed again and began to fiddle with her hair.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

Half an hour later, Julia watched unashamedly as Lily walked awkwardly toward Max, who was waiting for her in the hallway that led to Slughorn's classroom. He looked handsome, but overly eager, and Julia frowned when he placed his arm possessively around Lily's waist, but smiled as Lily wriggled away from him.

"He's _holding_ her _hand_," muttered James' voice.

Julia grinned. "How _dare_ he," she replied in a horrified voice. "You'd best go save her; I'm guessing he'll get a little too aggressive for her liking."

James made a face. "If he knows what's good for him he won't."

Julia laughed, watching James stand up tall as he strode down toward the entrance to Slughorn's room. "Fix your hair, Potter! She likes it when it's ruffled," she shouted, grinning when she heard James laugh and wave to acknowledge her observation.

Sirius walked boldly to the empty classroom, his chest puffed out as he ruffled his hair one more time and inhaled deeply. He opened the door and shut it behind himself, flicking his wand to lock the room before he turned around. His mouth dropped.

"Well, you took me seriously," he muttered, swallowing as his eyes roved over Julia's figure. She was sitting perched on the desk in the corner of the room, her long legs crossed seductively as she leaned on one arm and tossed her hair over her shoulder. She was wearing a black dress that was fitted but not tight; it rested against the curves of her figure; there was a slit up the side that ran just above Julia's knee. She grinned wickedly at him, her eyes flashing mischievously as she picked up a wine glass and held it out to him.

"I've discovered, Sirius, that you can be much more serious than I assumed at one time," she said lightly. "And I'm serious about that."

"That's such a horrible joke," he laughed.

"Isn't it?" she mused, watching as he took the glass of wine from her hand and drank deeply.

"Where'd you get this?"

"I had James sneak me some," she laughed, indicating the uncorked bottle of wine next to her. "He could only get me one glass though, we'll have to share."

"I see."

"I figured it wouldn't matter though, considering your tongue has been in my mouth and all that," she shrugged.

Sirius chuckled, handing back the wine glass and watching Julia drink. "You are stunning, you know that?" he said, examining her again. "Absolutely stunning."

"You're not so bad yourself," she grinned.

"I clean up nice."

Julia laughed and set the glass down, leaning back on her hands and observing Sirius. "Did you bring a radio?"

"I did," Sirius said, nodding toward the wireless radio that was sitting on a shelf close to them. He flicked his wand and the low sounds of some relaxing piano music filled the room.

Julia grinned. "Oooooo… aren't you Mr. Romance," she teased.

"Do you want me to be?"

Julia smiled, and then blushed shyly. Sirius brushed her hair from her face, his palm resting against her cheekbone. "You are pretty."

"Sirius," Julia said, her tone slightly warning. "Don't get attached."

He looked at her curiously. "Why do you say that?"

"Nothing… it's nothing," said Julia. "I don't want… it's nothing. This is very nice, you're very nice and the music is nice…"

"The wine is nice."

"I got you a Christmas present," said Julia suddenly.

Sirius chuckled. He pulled her off the desk and into his arms, his hand resting at her back as his other pulled one of her arms around his neck. "I got you one as well, but I'm not giving it to you now."

"Why not?" asked Julia with a pout.

"Cause if I did, you'd have no reason to write me over holiday."

Julia smiled and leaned up to kiss him, her other hand sliding up to rest against his chest. "All right… I'll send you yours at James' then."

"Sounds like a plan," Sirius said, nuzzling her gently before kissing her again. It was deeper and more passionate; Sirius pulled her closer, his body purposefully pressing up against hers. He began to back Julia up towards the desk, moaning as she tangled her fingers into his hair, her nails scratching against his scalp.

"I thought you were going to show me how good of a dancer you are," Julia whispered, allowing Sirius to lift her onto the desk and kiss her hungrily.

"I am," he whispered, trailing his hands over her knees and gently sliding her dress up her legs.

"Sirius," Julia breathed, her voice shaking slightly. "I… I don't… I'm not ready for-"

"All right," he whispered, kissing her softly. "I in no way expected that."

"Have you?"

Sirius swallowed and shook his head. "No… I haven't."

"Me neither."

Sirius smiled. "We're in the same boat then."

Julia nodded, then leaned up and kissed him softly. He slid his hands up under her dress, laying her back as he hooked his fingers around her knickers and pulled them down over her legs. "What-"

"Just… _shhh_," Sirius whispered. "Just let me-"

"Let you _what_?"

Sirius pushed her dress higher up over her hips, causing Julia to brace her feet against the edge of the desk and cover herself shyly. He kissed her knees, trailing his hands up the back of her thighs and gently pushing her legs apart. His lips moved lower, placing soft kisses along the inside of her thigh. Julia watched his eyes remain open, a hungry expression on his face as he gazed intrigued at her naked torso. "Just let me… don't be shy," he whispered, taking her hands and moving them away so he could properly see her intricate anatomy.

Julia bit her lip as Sirius continued on his path, his fingers teasingly caressing her thighs as his lips moved closer and closer to their goal. She found herself allowing him to push her legs wider, and felt her shyness slip away as his thumb brushed over her, spreading her for his examination. Sirius' lips brushed against her inner thigh, his tongue trailing lightly over the sensitive skin. Then he began to stroke her flesh softly with his thumb…

Julia swallowed. "I feel _really_ naked."

"You're not."

"I feel very exposed."

"Are you cold?"

"No?"

"Why do you sound unsure?"

"I don't know… I don't know what you're doing, all I know is you're down there and it's all convoluted and confusing and I wish you'd do something and then I wish you'd _not_ do something and…"

Sirius chuckled and shook his head, nuzzling against her as she babbled randomly and shifted under him. He gripped her hip tightly. "You're fine," he whispered, kissing her inner thighs again. "Do you want me to stop?"

Julia was quiet. Sirius could see her toes flexing in her nervousness. "No? But you don't have to. It's all… confusing and-"

"It's lovely chaos, I think," he murmured, kissing her thigh again and smirking as she began to babble. He randomly recalled her telling him once that sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission…

"Chaos is a good way to describe it… it's a good way to describe what I'm feeling right now. Seriously, you don't have to do anything… my legs are skinny and it's … oh… _ooohhh_… oh, _God_," she whimpered, her back arching as Sirius' let his tongue replace the exploratory strokes of his thumb. "Oh, Lord... oh my God…_Sirius_…"

Sirius smirked as he brushed against her again with his tongue, caressing the soft skin and circling her clitoris with gentle strokes. Julia arched her back, her voice breaking in strangled cries, and the more pressure he applied with his tongue, the louder her cries became. She tasted like some type of sweet confectionary goodness that was surely very bad for you, but yet you indulged in it because it was completely irresistible.

Sirius slid his hands to her hips, pulling her closer to him as he knelt down and unashamedly buried his face against her. Julia arched, rocking her hips against his tongue as her hands slid down to tangle in his hair. "God… who have you been practicing this on?"

Sirius chuckled. "I can't really talk right now," he murmured, flicking his tongue over her clit. "Unless you want me to stop."

"No… no don't stop," she whispered, biting her lip as his tongue passed over her again and a jolt of pleasure shot up her spine. Julia relaxed, letting Sirius simply please her instead of thinking about the complications her affection for him was about to bring on her life.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

James was sitting on the steps to the boys' dormitory under his invisibility cloak. He couldn't sleep. Not only was his rather deep conversation with Lily running through his head, Sirius wasn't in his bed. _And since Sirius is not in his bed, and he's not down here, he must still be out with Julia, doing something naughty and sexual of course_, thought James. He smirked, planning in his head all the ways he would tease them both when he caught them sneaking back.

A noise to his right caught his attention and he perked up. Lily was walking back down the stairs into the common room. She had changed into her pyjamas and her dressing gown was wrapped tightly around her; James inhaled very slowly. She looked incredibly sexy.

Lily gazed curiously around the common room, searching for Julia James guessed, before walking quietly toward the portrait hole.

"You know, Evans…" James murmured in a low, seductive voice. "Prefects-"

"Shut up, James," snapped Lily before she gave a great heaving sigh. "You _**cannot**_ do that… you can't. You scared me half to death, my heart has now permanently relocated to the middle of my throat and it's rather uncomfortable," she explained, shaking herself off as she sat down in one of the cushy armchairs.

James laughed and pulled off his cloak, balling it up as he moved to sit in the chair closest to her. "What are you still doing up?"

"Well, Julia isn't back and I'm a bit worried…" said Lily, looking rather irritated.

James smirked. "You aren't worried, you're curious."

"You're damn right I am," she replied, making James laugh loudly. "What does Sirius say about all of this? They sneak off together all the time. I still don't buy that they weren't with each other the morning before we went to Hogsmeade last time."

"I can't get him to say a word," said James. "He's mum… which is odd, because usually Sirius can't shut up about his… well, for lack of a better term, 'exploits.'"

Lily snorted. "I hope he isn't 'exploiting' my friend. Though, she's probably just as guilty in all of it as he is."

James quirked an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

"Meaning Julia doesn't feel a lot of guilt for kissing and telling, or getting off with someone for a night and never taking things further. She's a bit afraid of commitment, I think. She's always saying that she's not girlfriend material," explained Lily, rolling her eyes.

"Is that where you get it from?" teased James.

"I never said I wasn't girlfriend material," Lily laughed.

"You're not my girl-"

"You've never asked me to be," Lily felt compelled to point out. Then instantly regretted it when James broke out in an exuberant smile. "James… you know what I'm saying."

"Do you want to be my girlfriend, Lily?"

"_James_…" said Lily in a warning voice, though her cheeks colored and she had to fight a smile from forming on her face.

"Just asking," he grinned, leaning back in his chair and winking at her. "So, Julia doesn't think she's girlfriend material… that works out well since Padfoot never takes anything seriously."

"Well, he's been pretty serious about meeting up with her for snogging. She's been up and gone out of our room at six o'clock every single morning for the last two weeks."

"That doesn't mean she's with Sirius," said James fairly.

"Has Sirius been sleeping in then? Perhaps she's snogging someone else," Lily mused skeptically, giving James a significant look.

"No, I think it's just him, he's been gone every morning too," James grinned before yawning. "Well, I think I'm going to head out and find them. There's nothing I like more than interrupting a young couple in the midst of sexual bliss. Care to join me?"

Lily flushed in an attractive and devious way; she tucked her hair behind her ears and shook her head. "I think that I'll pass. I have a feeling that my innocent eyes couldn't handle what I'd see if we did find them."

James laughed loudly as he got to his feet. He ruffled Lily's hair before brushing his thumb over her cheekbone, causing her to look up at him. He meant to say something cheeky, possibly even a little provocative, but something about the innocent way she was biting her lip and gazing shyly at him made the words vanish. He opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed heavily. She leaned back, her cheeks reddening even more as she cleared her throat and adjusted her robe. She was so lovely without even trying; James didn't understand how she could look completely sweet and loving, and indescribably sexy at the same time. His cheekiness returned.

"I suppose you're right, it would be a sad thing if your innocent eyes were ruined by their antics," he said lightly. "I could think of better ways you could lose your innocence."

Lily's eyes widened and her mouth popped open in shock. She was rendered temporarily speechless by his comment, and James took the opportunity to wink at her and stride confidently out the portrait hole. "G'night Lily," he called behind him.

Lily closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes after his retreating figure. "Cheeky git," she hissed, then laughed and shook her head. She lay back against the softness of the chair, half of her mind wondering where Julia was, the other half thinking about James ruining her innocence.

It was around twenty minutes later when Lily finally went back to her dormitory. She was extremely tired now, and extremely distracted by her thoughts of James and his handsome face. _He's a cheeky git_, she told herself firmly. _Cheeky, handsome, funny… sexy… sweet… but he's still a git_, she thought. "God, what _am_ I doing?" she asked herself.

The door to her room opened and shut with a quiet click. Lily perked up from her pillows, intending to open the curtains on her bed to tease Julia about being out so late, but they were abruptly pulled open and Julia crawled inside, still in her dress, though her hair was a little messy and she looked as though she was in shock.

"Julia? What's wrong?" asked Lily, suddenly concerned about her friend's well-being. "Are you all right? What did Sirius do to you?"

"He didn't hurt me, Lily, don't get all up in arms," she said, her eyes narrowing a bit, but then widening again. "Just… give me a moment to form thoughts."

"O-kay…" said Lily, leaning back and watching Julia curiously. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and shook herself out, then looked at Lily very seriously.

"Remember when I said something about Sirius' tongue being unbelievable?"

"Yeah…"

Julia swallowed. "I didn't know the extent of it until tonight."

"O-kay… you've lost me."

"He… oh, God, Lils… he… well-"

"What did he do that's making you blush?"

"I let him go down on me."

"What?" asked Lily, a confused look crossing her face.

"He… he went down on me," said Julia again, giving Lily a very serious look.

"I'm still lost."

"Merlin's beard," Julia groaned. "You are _too_ naïve, Lils. Well, since I can't use slang with you, I'll have to get technical." Julia turned herself to she was facing Lily and continued to gaze seriously into her face. "He… well he pushed my dress up, took off my knickers, and started licking me…"

Lily still looked confused; Julia waited. Slowly realization dawned on Lily's face and she sat up, clasping her hand over her mouth. "I didn't even know … I thought that was just a bloke thing, I thought it was one sided."

"Oh no, it's not one sided, thank God; and wow... just, wow, wow, wow…" said Julia, a glazed dreamy look coming over her face. She turned her eyes back to Lily, who was watching her interestedly. "You know… I'm sure James would-"

"All right… get out of my bed," Lily laughed, opening the curtains and shoving a giggling Julia out.

***~*~*~*~*SJSJSJ*~*~*~*~***

"_To a certain Cinnamon Scented Friend with Benefits,_

"_Jules, how do you do it? You have this wonderful knack of finding absolutely the perfect gift. I love the cloak and pendant. Thank you so much, it was very kind of you to think of me. _

"_We haven't been doing much. I tagged along with James to Southampton, he bought Lily an owl for Christmas. She had sent him a cloak exactly like mine; I suspect you bought them together, sneaky girls. He was quite thrilled, and he's still going on about her falling asleep on him. I said he should suggest an arrangement similar to ours, this would prevent him from wanking off as much as I'm assuming he is._

"_I hope your Christmas is wonderful. It's still game on when we get back, yes?_

"_Seductively Yours,_

"_Sirius Black"_

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

"_To Sirius Black, who positively reeks of peppermint and chocolate,"_

"_You are amusing. Game on. I believe you brought your game and successfully won the last match, not that I am complaining. That was the most fun losing I've ever had._

"_Thank you for the earrings, they're perfect. How did you know blue was my favourite colour? I love them. And the other thing, you are a cheeky, cheeky boy. I had to do some quick thinking to hide those from my parents. But, they are very pretty and I will wear them…not that you'll find that out or anything._

"_Yes, I was aware that James got an owl for Lily. She's already written to me about your little visit. I should send you the letter just for James, perhaps it would help him in his wanking expeditions. It's quite complementary of him… I sense our plan is working. You do realize that my interest in you is really just a ruse for getting Lily to notice James, of course. There's no other benefit for me, obviously._

"_Effectively seduced,_

"_Julia Tottleham"_

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

"_Julia,_

"_Shut up, you will __**not**__ send that letter to him. I would never forgive you, I wouldn't. At least I can admit I think James is attractive – exceptionally attractive – and very sweet without throwing a tizzy about it. It's a start, yes?"_

"_You __**would**__ have an intricate plan to make me fall for him. I reckon this vision you have of him and I together is something you saw in those damn cards? You need to get a different hobby._

"_Sirius sent you knickers? Whatever for? All he does is take yours off and do things to you with his tongue that aren't kissing… I still can't get over that. I don't know if I'd ever let anyone get that close to me… though the way you talk about it, perhaps it would be prudent for me to look James up to quell my burning curiosity. I am joking, Julia… you can close your mouth now._

"_See you sooner than later, that is if I can actually talk to you on the train or if you'll be locked up with Sirius in some cabin._

"_Love,_

"_Lily"_

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

"_Lily,_

"_I think you should look up James and let him quell your curiosity. Though, I wonder if he'd be able to contain his excitement about touching you… I reckon he might either explode, or become so dumfounded that you're paying attention to him that he wouldn't do anything. You are too hard on the poor boy. He is nice, and he does like you. And obviously you like him, you just don't want to admit it._

"_Sirius does not always take my knickers off… at least not until the other night. Before that, he maneuvered around them, technically. And don't knock what you haven't tried, and the closeness won't bother you once James starts in, trust me._

"_I'll see you soon._

"_Love,_

"_Julia"_


	5. Not Close Enough  Feb thru May '77

**Closer**  
**February 1977**

"You know, your friend _completely _ruined James' plans," Sirius was saying as he kissed Julia slowly. Her white shirt was open and his naked chest was pressed up against her warm skin, his hands tracing patterns on her back.

"How so?" asked Julia, kissing Sirius' neck and collar bones. She wrapped her legs around his hips, her skirt flipped up over her waist as she rocked her hips against him.

"By talking about how much she hates today," he replied, grinding his hips against her.

"It is a stupid holiday," said Julia honestly. "Really… it makes blokes feel like they have to get a girl something, and it makes girls feel that if they _didn't_ get something they're not worth a damn."

"This is true," Sirius agreed, grinding his hips against Julia's again, groaning as she rubbed the heel of her hand against the bulge in his trousers. "But I still got you something."

Julia paused, looking at him curiously as she bit her lip. Sirius smirked and pulled out a small bracelet made of tiny little star shaped charms. It was very pretty, it almost seemed to have a silvery glow. "I saw that and thought of you, it actually goes on your ankle."

"Really? What made you think of me?"

"In the spring, you always wear sandals and I've heard you mention something about needing a bracelet for your feet. Plus, the way it shines… it reminds me of your hair," he explained, grinning and running his hands through the soft strands. Julia smiled shyly.

"You shouldn't … this is very pretty, Sirius. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Sirius replied, kissing her forehead. "What shouldn't I do?"

"Nothing… never mind, it's … it's not important," said Julia. "I was just thinking… it was stupid, I was being Lily for a second."

"Lily is being a bit stupid about the whole not having kissed someone thing," Sirius shrugged.

"Yeah, I agree. But, it's her mouth… she should be able to do what she wants with it," Julia sighed, unclasping the bracelet and putting it around her ankle. She flexed her foot, smiling lightly at the way flickers of light danced around the room as the candle they had lit reflected off it.

"You all right?" asked Sirius, regarding Julia curiously. She seemed sad, he couldn't figure out why.

"Yeah… I'm all right," she whispered, lifting her eyes and kissing his lips lightly. Sirius cradled her face, sensing a different sort of intensity sneak into Julia's kiss as she pulled him close.

She gently pushed him off of her onto his back, crawling slowly on top of him without lifting her lips from his. Sirius' mind seemed to split into two. One half was rejoicing, this half seemed to control his hands that were now gripping her thighs tightly as she straddled him. The other half was focused on her strange and sudden sadness, and recalling her warning that he shouldn't get attached to her, that they shouldn't get close… that she wouldn't get attached to him because he wasn't going to stick around…

Had things changed?

Sirius didn't have time to consider that question, for the first part of his brain took over completely as Julia kissed his neck and flicked her tongue against his skin. Her fingers trailed over his stomach as she moved lower and unbuttoned his trousers. Sirius closed his eyes and lifted his hips slightly as she pulled them lower and moved his boxers out of her way, her hand curling softly around him as a low moan rumbled through his chest.

Then she kissed his hipbone, and his stomach… her lips brushed against were her fingers were still softly stroking him and then they wrapped around his shaft. Her mouth was hot, and her tongue circled the head of his cock as she took him in deeper and then moved up again. One of her hands was still gripping him as her mouth moved; the other was resting against his belly. Sirius laced his fingers through hers, his other hand moving to tangle into her hair. He could hear himself groaning, it sounded muffled against the sound of his blood rushing through his veins. The boy's club rumors about this act were true; it felt amazing, indescribable. Sirius didn't want her to stop, but he also didn't want to make her uncomfortable by keeping her against him as he finished. He tried to form words to explain the predicament, but they were intermixed with low groans and he wasn't sure she understood.

"Oh, God," Sirius groaned, feeling a rush of pleasure race through his body. He felt Julia's mouth leave him, but the sensation didn't cease and she squeezed him gently with her hand, stroking him until the contractions of his orgasm ceased. Sirius was panting, his head felt clouded and dizzy. Julia crawled back on top of him; he gripped her thighs and sat up quickly, pulling her into a deep kiss.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Julia whispered into his ear. Sirius chuckled, kissing her once and pulling her close to him.

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

Marauder birthday parties had always been something of a spectacle, and it was the same this year. Peter's birthday involved some sort of a night out to who knew where; Remus was thrown a party in the common room, and James was treated to shots and cheeky comments from Lily during their Hogsmeade visit on the last Saturday in March. Julia knew that Lily was planning on giving James the gift she had gotten for him, and expected her to be sheepish and possibly a little embarrassed upon her return from meeting him on the Quidditch pitch. What she had not expected was Lily to return in a foul mood, upset and angry about a confession James had made.

"You know, it's really not that far-fetched," said Julia, watching as Lily ate piece after piece of chocolate and scowled at the empty space around her. "I didn't think you liked chocolate."

"I don't," said Lily. "But I'm so _angry_ right now-"

"I don't understand why."

"Julia, he said he _loved_ me. He's claiming he _loves_ me."

"It's not that far-fetched, like I said," Julia repeated. "James _has_ fancied you for a long time, and look at what he's done. He's stopped hexing people, he took a job as a waiter at that party just to see you…"

"Love is a serious word, Jules. It's not something you throw around. People say it too much, it makes it meaningless," Lily snarled.

Julia nodded, wondering exactly what James was playing at suddenly confessing such a serious emotion. _But it's still plausible_, she thought, _he acts like he loves her_.

She meant to ask Sirius what he thought, but for some reason, ever since Valentine's Day, Sirius had been aloof and standoffish toward her. She tried to shrug it off; after all, she _had_ told him not get attached to her. But she found having him ignore her hurt more than expected.

One night, two weeks after this behavior had begun, Julia was coming back from a shower and saw Sirius standing beside the doorway to the empty classroom they continually occupied. He was giving her a bright smile as he beckoned her over.

"Hello, stranger," she said, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Stranger?"

"It's been a while."

"Birthdays are serious business, but that's done now," he whispered, tugging at her robe.

"I see. Speaking of birthdays, what is James playing at?"

"Oh," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "He had this grand dream that if he told Lily he loved her she'd open up and realized she fancies him too, but you see how well that worked out."

"So, he didn't mean it."

"No, he means it… but obviously it didn't have the intended effect on her," Sirius shrugged.

"Love is a serious word… he shouldn't just-"

"He means it, Jules. He loves her… he's so in love with her he doesn't know which way is up half the time. But… why are we talking about James?" asked Sirius, tugging open Julia's dressing gown and placing his hands on her waist.

"I was just curious," said Julia, pressing up against him and sliding her foot up his calf. Sirius smirked and tipped his head, kissing her furiously as he opened the door and pulled her inside.

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

**Hot And Cold  
April-May 1977  
**

The next month was strange for Julia. Not because she was being pulled into random secluded area's by Sirius and letting him do things to her that made her scream with delight, but because after these moments, she felt sad and lonely when he left. She'd never felt lonely after Diggory had got off with her and then said good-bye. It had had no effect on her when Court Huffton had snogged her three times and then never spoke to her again. But it felt bad when she and Sirius would spend at least an hour kissing and touching, then lying next to one another just talking… and then he would leave her as though it meant nothing to him. And the following days, he would act like nothing had happened… like they were just friends, even though they were so much more.

_No_, Julia told herself furiously when she began to feel frustrated about the situation. _No, this is the way it has to be. You cannot have a relationship when you're going to die sometime before you turn twenty. You cannot let someone get that attached to you because you've seen what it will do to them when you're gone. This is it… this is all you can have_.

She'd read the cards again, wrote to her mother, and her extensively great grandmother; every time it was the same result. It had been the same result since she turned 10 and the prediction had been made. And when she thought about her future and looked in the crystal ball, she saw everyone but herself standing together. Her life line was short on her palm, it had a frayed end… there were never any relationships lined out for her, and the cards always reflected that she must be steadfast in her knowledge, and brave in accepting her fate.

"You know," said Mary one day during a Divination lesson, "perhaps you're reading yourself out of life because _you're_ afraid of getting hurt."

"No, that's not it," said Julia. "I try to see myself there, and I'm just not. And I don't care about getting hurt; but what we've seen what Lily is going through… it's hard on her. I don't want to leave that many people behind to grieve for me."

"What if they grieve for never having the chance to love you?"

Julia sighed. "I don't-"

"They always say that it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all," Mary noted, stirring her tea leaves in her cup.

"The people who say that haven't lost loved ones," replied Julia coldly.

Professor Clairvana walked by their table. She was ancient; her long white hair and pale skin gave her the look of a ghost. But she was also incredibly kind, and had a keen sense of the ways diviniation worked, even if she herself didn't possess the Sight.

"Don't try to see yourself, Ms. Tottleham," Clairvana suggested as she passed. "Try to see things the way you want them. See the people you love, the people around you… don't try to find yourself. We often cannot predict our own future… our judgment is clouded; but we can see ourselves in the people that surround us."

The professor floated away to another table, leaving Mary smirking at Julia's wide eyes. "You say she doesn't have it, but I she sees more than you think."

"So does my mum," replied Julia. "And my Aunt Sybil, and they've seen the same thing. It's got them scared to death, they won't even discuss it."

"Didn't you say your Aunt Sybil was a tad off her rocker?"

Julia opened her mouth, meaning to protest, then sighed resignedly as Mary began to snigger. "Yeah, I did say that… she is a bit off her rocker. She sees Death _everywhere_… but she's got more of my Great, Great, Great Grandmother in her than my Mum does."

The bell to end their lesson rang; Julia gathered up her things and said good-bye to Mary as she walked back to the tower and Julia headed for Transfiguration. On the way down the hall to McGonagall's office, Julia paused when she saw James randomly appear out of nowhere and ruffle his hair angrily. He was looking around the hall almost as if he didn't want to be seen by someone, which made her even more curious.

"James… from whom are you hiding?" she asked, walking toward him with a bemused smirk.

"Sirius isn't with you, is he?"

"Obviously not," she muttered, pushing down the sad emotions she'd been fighting every time she thought of her kissing friend.

"Good… I'm hiding from him."

"Why?" asked Julia curiously. "Has he been badmouthing Lils again?"

"No… no, nothing like that."

"Then why are you hiding?"

"Because he _wants_ me to hide," James snapped suddenly, ruffling his hair again. "Apparently Rosier is helping Snape plan some sort of attack on me… and he wants to keep me out of sight until we can plan a counter strike or something."

"All right," said Julia, still observing James' angry expression. "And this makes you feel…"

"Like a bloody coward. I'm not afraid of them! I'd love the chance to get after Rosier and Snape both for some of the filthy things they've said and done…"

"Like Rosier telling Snape if he wanted to find out what kind of a lay the 'mudblood' was that she patrols on Thursday nights?" asked Julia.

James' face went red, his eyes were narrowed viciously. He looked a bit frightening Julia thought. "I didn't hear about that."

Julia nodded, watching James take great heaving breaths to calm himself. "You feel like skiving off class?"

"Actually, yeah… yeah I do."

"Come on," she said, nudging him toward the staircases. "I've got ears, I can listen."

Julia took James to the empty classroom where her and Sirius constantly met, and after answering a barrage of questions about what they got up to in there, she sat and listened as James unloaded his emotions and thoughts on everything from Sirius, to Snape's obsessive Dark Arts interest, to Lily and how much he cared for her.

"I'm not putting on," he mumbled. "I wish I was. I… ever since Christmas… it changed. The way I felt changed. Instead of always wanting her to notice me and think so highly of me, I … I've wanted her to know how I see her. I want her to see how much it makes me smile when she's happy. I want to make her laugh and smile and … I want to make her feel the way she makes me feel."

"How does she make you feel?" asked Julia, partly for her own curiosity, and partly because she wanted to compare his feelings about Lily for how she felt about Sirius.

"She makes me feel like … like my insides are in the wrong place," he confessed with a laugh. "I feel like my stomach has turned inside out and my heart is going to break through my ribcage. She touches me, and I just feel like… some plate of jelly or jam. It takes so much effort to think let alone talk… and then she'll bite her lip when she gets nervous … you know, and she twists her fingers… and it just makes me feel like I'm two inches tall and completely insignificant. I love her… I love her and she hates me," he said sadly.

"She doesn't hate you, James… don't be daft," said Julia sincerely. "She talks to you, and she misses seeing you. We've all been wondering where you were lately since Sirius has been hiding you, and she's been the one asking. She likes you, James… she fancies you. Don't give up."

"I'm not… I don't give up on things."

"You're going to marry her."

"You've said that before," he chuckled, giving Julia a curious look. "What is Clairvana-"

"Clairvana has nothing to do with it. I've seen it… I've… I've had dreams about it and I've seen it, all right? Just trust me… you're going to marry her, and she's got some big purpose in life so you'll have to keep her safe."

"Well, I'll have my work cut out for me I think," laughed James. "Lily doesn't seem to take kindly to people telling her to be careful."

Julia chuckled lightly. "No… no she doesn't. Stubborn as a mule, that girl."

James grinned. "But I love it."

Later that evening, Julia was lying back against the cushions of the largest sofa in the Gryffindor common room, a satisfied smile on her face. Sirius was kissing her neck and jaw, his fingers still softly petting between her legs as the shudders of her body ceased. She curled into him, pressing her lips to his neck and threading her fingers into his hair.

"Where were you today?" he asked.

"I skived of Transfiguration to counsel James," she explained.

"So that's where he was," muttered Sirius thoughtfully, then his expression became irritated. "Why'd he need counseling?"

"I expect because you've been making him feel cowardly by forcing him to hide," said Julia, leaning up on one elbow and giving Sirius a significant look.

He made a face and sat up. "I was trying to give him a chance to plan an attack on them."

"Or, you were worried that they'd get him when you weren't around and he'd get hurt," she said. Sirius gave her a cold look; Julia widened her eyes. "Don't you give me dirty looks, I'm just being honest."

"James is over confidant," said Sirius. "He doesn't think anything could ever hurt him."

"That sounds familiar."

"Why were you talking to him anyway? You know he's not going to start snogging you just to-"

"Excuse me," said Julia, her temper flaring. "James Potter happens to be a friend of mine and he looked upset, so I was concerned. And why in the hell would I want him to start snogging me?"

"I dunno… you called me stranger a while back, perhaps you're not getting enough…"

Julia frowned, she felt a stab of pain mixed with her anger, but it was overridden by the latter as she sat up straight and glared at Sirius. "I called you stranger cause you ignored me for two weeks. If you're going to act like this you can go ahead and ignore me for longer and it won't bother me."

"Why should it? It's not like we have feelings for each other…"

"Then why are you so hot about me talking to James?"

Sirius grunted. "He didn't need to come to you, he could have just talked to me-"

"Obviously not… sometimes you're kind of hard to talk to," said Julia coolly.

"You were awfully friendly with Rollingsfield the other day too. Like I said… are you not getting enough-"

"I can talk to whomever I please, thank you very much," snapped Julia. "Like you said, it's not like you have feelings for me."

"I didn't say that," muttered Sirius, his cheeks coloring.

"You're certainly acting like it," she replied, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. There was an awkward silence between them. Julia stood and started to walk toward the stairs; Sirius cleared his throat and she turned around.

"I'm … I … don't… -"

"Shut up, Sirius," Julia said. "You don't need to apologize… it doesn't matter," she said quietly, traipsing up the stairs and sitting down on her bed, her mind racing.

The following days were quiet; Sirius never said the words "_I'm sorry_," but his actions communicated it. He was cheerful, polite, and rather affectionate with her. Julia had never expected Sirius to be the type of bloke who would do something simple like leave her a note, or kiss her hair in front of his friends; but the next few days were filled with those type of quiet moments.

Then all of a sudden, it shifted. Back to the coldness, Sirius reverted back to paying attention to his friends and planning battles. He focused on their upcoming Apparition test, and bragged about how he would pass with flying colors. Julia tried to convince herself he was focusing on bringing James out of a sullen mood, but she found herself feeling sad and lonely again.

_No, you aren't allowed… you aren't_, she told herself.

"You should try what Clairvana said," Mary told her during another Divination lesson. "Stop looking for yourself and just _see_."

Julia frowned and continued her work, but that night she locked herself in her dormitory and pulled out her set of tarot cards for review. She shuffled and laid them out, closing her eyes and breathing deeply before reading them over.

Her questions had revolved around what was happening with her loved ones, and what would bring happiness to their lives. She had thought first of Lily, and James… and the cards fell into place as she expected for them, as they always had when she thought of them: The Empress, a relationship full of possibility; The Wheel of Fortune, working through what destiny has for you; Temperance, finding a balance, and finally The Sun, reaching joy and completion.

But when she drew again, thinking only of Sirius and his happiness… the card was there… again… just as it always was for her. The World, an end, the end of a life cycle… but it was different than when she drew for herself. It came out as the third to last card. There were new cards in the mix… ones that hadn't ever seen, or ever expected.

Judgment…needing to look at a different angle of a relationship, re-evaluate it. Perhaps she had been taking too firm a stance on not letting people become attached to her, for the next card in the sequence was The Moon. Should she be paying attention to her gut instinct? The one that caused her to long for Sirius when he wasn't around… and did he feel the same longing for her? Were they already attached despite their intentions?

And then Death… a transformation, a change; another shift indicating a time for new beginnings. After Death was The Ace of Cups, which indicated love and understanding. Then the card fell… The World. But after the world… Julia felt her eyes prick. For she knew, instinctively, that The World was for her… the end of her life cycle… but for Sirius (whom she should have been focusing on for the reading) the next card was the Tower; upheaval, change… And finally… The Star. Acceptance, love, deep connection… and peace.

Should she let her guard down? Should she get attached? Her heart felt pulled; she longed to hold Sirius, to let him be affectionate with her… she didn't like the term girlfriend, but she wanted him to know she wasn't going to be seeking anyone else out. She was his… as long as he wanted her.

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

**Feelings  
May 1977  
**

Julia was kissing Sirius' earlobe, letting him stroke her hair as she cuddled against him. His skin was damp with sweat, and his face still flushed from the rush of pleasure she had just given him. His hands were moving over her hips, tracing her knickers as he kissed her cheek softly. "You're awfully cuddly tonight…" he whispered.

Julia shrugged. "I like you, Sirius…"

"Obviously."

Julia giggled. "No, I mean… I like you. I could keep cuddling you for a while… amongst other things I enjoy doing with you."

Sirius chuckled lightly, it was a satisfied sound. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing her nose softly before letting her snuggle against his chest. They were quiet… Julia began to drift, she felt at peace…

A few hours later, she stirred, feeling suddenly cold … and alone. Julia opened her eyes. Sirius' cloak was thrown over her, but he was gone; she was alone, half naked, in an empty class room. The reason for her being there was gone.

Julia felt cheap and used as she headed up to her dormitory to sleep. She spent the following day coddling herself, building up her confidence and trying to convince her heart that her head was right. Sirius didn't have feelings for her, she had told him too many times not to get attached… and he hadn't. She was just a snog… just a go-to…like she had wanted him to be.

But no… he wasn't just a go to, not anymore. And she knew, deep inside, that he did have feelings for her… perhaps it wasn't the same affection she felt, but it was something. He got jealous, he was possessive of her… he bought her gifts, and at times he would be sweet and caring and… _loving_ toward her.

So she listened her heart, and let him lead her downstairs one evening… let him please her before she pleased him… and in their post bliss embrace, she kissed his neck and breathed slowly. "Stay here with me tonight," she asked quietly.

Sirius glanced curiously at her, his eyebrow quirked in amusement. "This floor isn't the most comfortable…"

"You let me sleep here the other night," she muttered.

Sirius sighed. "I couldn't wake you… you looked too sweet."

Julia nodded. "Why didn't you stay?"

Sirius shrugged. "I wanted my bed," he said simply. "It's warm… and I was rather tired. Besides," he continued, sitting up and ruffling his hair, "sleeping together would indicate attachment… don't you agree?"

Julia nodded, biting her lip. "That it would," she replied, giving him a significant look.

Sirius stared at her, feeling his heart flutter nervously and butterflies erupt in his stomach. Julia's expression was different; it was coy, shy… and nervous. In the last nine months he'd never seen her look so vulnerable. She'd always kept this modicum of cool about her, like nothing affected her. Lighthearted, carefree… no worries. She was so much like him; that was one of the reasons he liked being around her so much.

But now she seemed to be concerned, worried… and full of desperation. She looked attached to him, even though she had told him not to be attached to her. She looked hurt, even though she said she never got hurt. Perhaps his aloofness had caused her to feel…

But she wasn't supposed to feel. There weren't supposed to be feelings in this… or attachment. It was just them, together… snogging and touching and…

Getting attached to one another.

Sirius cleared his throat. "I should go," he muttered quietly, pulling his t-shirt on and ruffling his hair. "It's late… and you're tired. We shouldn't sleep here… Peeves would find us and God only knows what would happen then."

Julia nodded, pulling her cloak around her shoulders and hiding her face. "Yeah… I suppose you're right. It was just an idea."

"It's all right," Sirius assured her, smiling broadly and petting her cheek with his thumb. "No worries."

Julia nodded, feigning a smile as she watched him go, her stomach sinking heavily as her heart began to ache again.

Two days passed, and while Sirius acted like nothing had changed, Julia felt like everything had. She wanted more… despite her best intentions and all her promises to herself, she wanted more from him. She wanted someone to care about her for the brief time she was here. She wanted to know what that felt like… to have someone love her.

She wanted what Lily had… or what Lily wouldn't _allow_ herself to have.

"Do you need to talk?" asked Lily that night at dinner after Julia admitted her jealousy. Her green eyes were filled with concern; Julia again understood why James and everyone else always talked about Lily's eyes. They were piercing, like she could see straight through you in a single glance.

"No," Julia replied, regretting her confession that she wanted Sirius to feel for her the way James felt for Lily. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm fine with it, don't worry, Lils," she said, feigning a smile as she pushed her plate away and wandered out of the hall. She could feel Lily's eyes following her, and was relieved to reach the staircase to the tower.

Once inside, she sat herself down on a chair and closed her eyes, letting her jumbled thoughts focus on the path she could take from this point. One option would be to simply let things go on the way they were. If Sirius was still fine with their arrangement, perhaps it wouldn't cause him too much pain if something were to happen to her. But Julia didn't know if she could keep on now that she had admitted to herself she desired something more.

Option two would be to simply end it for her benefit and his. She would get over the desire for him in time, and Sirius would move on to his next conquest and forget about her… though Julia wasn't sure she wanted that to happen either.

Option three would be to stop playing games, stop dancing around the subject, and flat out tell him that she wanted more. If he rejected her, then at least she had tried… and it would end and they could both move on.

But if he didn't reject her…

The portrait hole slammed shut, startling Julia and pulling her out of her thoughts back into reality. James stormed in, throwing her an angry glare as he paused just before the staircase that led to the boys' dormitory. "What is she playing at?"

"Who?" asked Julia, confused.

"Lily… what is she playing at? She… she flirts, she compliments me, she worries about me and tells me to be safe… she misses me when I'm not around… but then I tell her how I feel and she freaks out and yells at me! What is she playing at? Why is she leading me on?" he shouted.

"James, calm down," insisted Julia, shocked by his irritation. _They must have gotten in a row_, she thought to herself. "She's not leading you on-"

"She's so fucking stubborn. She wants me… can't you see it?"

"I agree, James… but-"

"But nothing! It's not right! She's… I'm not trying to be arrogant… but we could be _really_ good together," he said, a sad expression crossing his face. "But she's so stubborn and she refuses to see it! She refuses to see me as anything but… _she doesn't see who I am_. What can I do to show her?"

"James… she sees you, but she is stubborn and-"

"She's leading me on, and it's not fair. Is it a game? Like _you_ play with Sirius? Is it some kind of twisted game to make us fall for you and never have any intention on following through-"

"Hey now… just wait one minute here," snapped Julia, standing up from her chair. "You are upset with Lily, you don't need to go throwing insults at me… and I'm not leading Sirius on in anyway. He's known from the beginning what to expect from me and-"

"Oh yeah… and what's that? That you'll kiss him and get off with him but you won't be his girlfriend? That he'll never be anything more to you than some bloke to get off with?"

"Does he want more?" asked Julia, the tone of her voice angry though part of her was curious as to what James and Sirius had talked about. "Because he's never given me the indication-"

"He's snogging you, isn't he? Isn't that-"

"And he's leaving me alone in an empty class room to sleep by myself… and when I'm trying to talk to him about this-"

James waved her off. "You're both stubborn… and you're both… you're just leading us on. Lily's just leading me on. Maybe it's fun… I reckon you see other blokes do it all the time to girls and you thought hey let's reverse it just for fun; teach them a lesson. Yeah… well, I've learned it… and I'm done."

And with that he stormed up the stairs, leaving Julia standing in the common room with an angry expression on her face. Minutes passed, and slowly people started to come back from dinner. They were rowdy and loud, but Julia stood staring up at the staircase to the boys' rooms, growing angrier by the second.

"Hey! Seriously, do we want the common room smelling like dung?" Remus' voice shouted. He strode over to a group of third year boys and snatched away their bag of dungbombs, at the same time lecturing them for planning pranks.

"Hypocrite," Julia muttered under her breath as she stalked toward where Sirius was standing with Peter. _Looks like it's option three_, she thought angrily.


	6. Together  End of 6th Year, 1977

**Reasons  
June 1977  
**

"Lily," said Julia sternly. "You cannot just shut yourself away from everything. You-"

"Don't tell me what I can or cannot do, Julia," snapped Lily. "I'm trying to deal with all of this and-"

"And you're being stupid," Julia shot back as they entered their dormitory. "Since when has it ever bothered any of us that you're muggle-born, especially James? Since when have you ever let that-"

"It's different now, Julia! There are muggle-borns disappearing all the time, and if I don't fight against it, I'm going to have to hide if I want to stay alive. When my mum dies, I'm not going to have anyone to go home to so-"

"You'll have me! Unless I don't matter to you at all!"

"Of course you matter," said Lily. "But I don't want you to get hurt because of me… how do you think-"

"Oh, this is so stupid. That's such a stupid reason to not get close to anyone… they might get hurt. It's really-"

"It's stupid, is it?" asked Lily coolly. "It's not so stupid when you're using it as a reason to not go out with Amos Diggory or to keep Sirius in the dark about how you really feel!"

"That's different! That's completely-"

"It's not different at all! You want to keep him from pain… I want the same thing… it's just a different kind of pain we're trying to prevent!"

Julia opened her mouth, but then there was a low sound from the other side of their room. They knew Mary was in the Library studying for her Arithmancy exam, so they should be the only two people in the room…

The sound came again, like someone trying to prevent themselves from coughing. Julia glanced at Lily, then they both walked to her bed and seized the curtains, pulling them open to reveal Sirius Black sitting cross-legged against Julia's pillows.

Their mouths dropped, and Sirius coughed loudly, giving the girls just enough time react to his unexpected presence.

"How did you get in here?" asked Lily curiously.

"Never mind that!" shouted Julia. "_Why_ are you in here? Hoping to get a little show?"

Sirius opened his mouth, and then closed it; he knew he shouldn't say what was on his mind, but he didn't seem to be able to stop himself. "I'm open to a show. You did tell me once that when you weren't snogging me you came up and snogged- ow! _Ow_! _Stop_!" he shouted, covering his head as Julia began to pound her fists into his shoulders. "Christ!"

"This is a _girls'_ dormitory!" Julia shouted, punching him hard on the shoulder.

"Well, you certainly don't hit like a girl," he replied in an amused voice.

Julia's face grew angry, but she temporarily lost her words. Lily cleared her throat. "I … um… I'll just… I'll just … be… going now," she murmured, walking backwards out the door and closing it as she left.

Julia sighed heavily, frowning at Sirius' smirk that was fading from his face. "Can we talk?" he asked, ruffling his hair and reaching for her hand.

Julia moved away and crossed her arms protectively over her chest. "What about? I made it pretty clear the other night that-"

"You made it clear that you were confused about my hot-cold routine," he interrupted.

Julia swallowed. "Yeah… that amongst… other things."

"Like, perhaps, how you feel about me?" he asked, trying not to sound arrogant.

Julia's face hardened. "_Get_ - _out_."

"Why? Jules… just talk to me. You _told_ me not to get attached to you… you never said why, but you specifically told me not to fall for you-"

"Yeah, I did… and you didn't, okay? You listened to me… good job. Now get out of-"

"Do you realize how hard that is?" said Sirius, his expression sad and conflicted. "Do you realize how hard it is to _not_ have feelings for you? I have to work at it… which explains the hot and cold routine. You know… I wouldn't mind _not_ having to work at it."

"Well, that's easy enough… I think we should stop. It's… it's gone on too far and I'm getting confused and emotional and-"

"Why is that a bad thing? You were just yelling at Lily for her being stubborn and not admitting she feels anything for James. Are you not going to hold yourself to the same standard?"

"It's different. She's being stupid; they could be really good together. You and I-"

"Would also be good together," murmured Sirius.

Julia sighed and lowered her eyes. "Sirius… I have no future. You have one, and I don't… and that's why… that's why this has got to stop."

Sirius stood up. "What do you mean you have no future?" he asked curiously. "That's rather cryptic."

"It's meant to be… it's hard to explain. Just… you need to go. I don't know how you got in here, but you need to go," she said, moving forward and grabbing his cloak. She dragged him toward the door and pushed him outside, but was prevented from shutting it when Sirius stuck his foot inside the frame.

"Jules… when I said I wouldn't mind not having to work at it… I meant-"

"I don't want to know what you meant," said Julia, her voice cracking. "Just… it has to be this way."

"What did Lily mean when she said you refused to go out with Diggory? Did he ask you?"

"None of this matters!"

"What's your middle name?"

"What?" asked Julia. "You are so _random_! It's… it's-"

"Endearing… you said you liked that about me," insisted Sirius, pushing the door open wider. "You won't answer any of my logical questions, so I asked an illogical one."

"It's Trelawny," she muttered. "That's my mother's maiden name. Now get out."

"Just wait… Jules… what did you mean when you said you have no future?"

"I meant… I meant I have no future with you because you have too many secrets. Like how you got up here, and how you can shut off your emotions so easily and-"

"Despite my best intentions, I've discovered that I can't shut off my emotions," Sirius replied in a low voice. "And if you want to know how I got up here-"

"I don't… now… just… it won't work, Sirius… just… I'll see you around," Julia muttered, pushing the door shut and sitting down on her bed, letting the tears silently stream down her face.

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

Quidditch was always fun, it was a good distraction. But Sirius found he wasn't interested in their play game, and let Sam Pitchfield have his broom so he could sit by Julia and watch.

She tensed when he approached, looking perturbed and nervous all at once. "I won't bite," he murmured.

"I wasn't afraid of that."

Sirius sat down. "What are you afraid of?"

"Snakes," she replied instantly, causing him to laugh. "And bats, but certainly not dog star hunters."

Sirius put his arm around her waist, pleased when she didn't pull away. "I miss you."

"You mean you miss your bi-weekly blow job," she grumbled.

"No," said Sirius honestly. "I miss _you_."

"What about me?"

"I miss your laugh, your cheekiness," he said. "Your honesty, your funny comments… the way you see things the same way I do. I miss feeling lighthearted, you make me feel lighthearted."

Julia bit her lip and sighed. "Do I make you feel cheap? Or used?"

"You wouldn't use me."

"How do you know?"

"Because you said you wouldn't… and it's not in you," said Sirius, turning her face toward his. He leaned in, frowning when she turned away. Still not deterred, he pressed his lips softly against her cheek before laying his head on her shoulder.

"I thought we were going to stop this," she murmured.

"I miss kissing your cheeks. Can I just kiss you on the cheek?"

Julia smiled, Sirius felt his heart get light. "You just did."

"Can I do it again?"

She sighed, giving him a bemused glance. "I suppose."

Sirius kissed her cheek again, very lightly. "I'm not so bad."

"No, you're not all bad," Julia replied, giggling when Sirius leaned close and kissed her cheek sloppily. "That was bad."

"But it was funny."

"You're like a dog," she murmured. "You just don't give up, and you're always playful and carefree."

"You have no idea," Sirius replied.

"Sometimes you smell like a puppy," Julia continued thoughtfully.

"I thought I smelled like peppermint."

"No, I said 'pup-permint,'" she teased, grinning when he laughed loudly. They were quiet for a few moments, and then Sirius kissed her cheek again.

"You know," he murmured, lying his head on her shoulder, "you said _I_ have a lot of secrets…"

"You do have a lot of secrets."

"I'm not alone in this condition," he said poignantly, glancing up at her hard expression. "Feel like sharing?"

Julia sighed. "Did you ever pay any attention in Divination?"

"No," Sirius replied with a laugh.

Julia nodded. "Well… I'm the great, great, great grand-daughter of Cassandra Trelawney."

"All right," Sirius said, interested.

"She predicted the rise of Grindelwald."

"Oh… " said Sirius. "Why is that a secret?"

"It's not, but it was secret from you," she replied.

"Fair enough," Sirius replied. "One of my great, great uncles was Headmaster of Hogwarts."

"I see."

"He was a Slytherin," said Sirius. "All of my family were Slytherins."

"Broke the mold, did you?"

"Yup… that's why I was disowned."

"I gathered as much from your letters," she said, giving him a kind smile. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not."

Julia nodded. "You were right about me."

"How so?"

"I'm a very naughty girl."

Sirius laughed. "Did Diggory know this?"

Julia shook her head. "No… he wanted to go out with me, but … I didn't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because I have no future."

"What does that mean?"

Julia sighed. "I … it's hard to explain. And you'd just think I'm crazy."

"I already think that."

Julia laughed. "Why?"

"Because you like me," he explained. "You'd have to be crazy to like me."

"This is true," she murmured, but then fell quiet as James, Remus, Peter and Sam approached. They walked back to the castle, James looking morose. Julia knew he was thinking about Lily, missing her, worrying about her, loving her…

Suddenly, it seemed that Julia had what she wanted, someone who felt about her the way he felt about Lily… but it was impossible for her to have it. She and Sirius could never be… for he would get hurt, and she couldn't have that. She began to scold herself for ever letting it get this far as she walked up the stairs to her room.

"Hey, where are you going?" asked Sirius as Julia began to walk upstairs to her dormitory.

"My room. I'm tired, and I want to talk to Lils."

"Can you talk to me? I … I miss just talking to you, Jules. I'll tell you more secrets," he said temptingly.

Julia smiled and sighed heavily. "Save me a dance, Sirius… you can tell me then."

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

**Secrets****  
End of Sixth year - 1977  
**

Sirius had sat up for three hours on Thursday night, debating in his head all the different options he could take. The bachelor part of him simply wanted to let it go and move back into the realm of pranks and boys' nights out without any worries of a bird lying in wait for him at home…

But the boys' night out was changing, dramatically. And it would be changing even more after next year. They were growing up, getting older… was it time to put away the pranks and childish things and be more of an adult?

Sirius sighed, ruffling his hair. The wonderful thing about Julia was he could be an adult, and still indulge himself in childish things. She didn't deter him, or think less of him for doing so. Half the time she joked about joining in or gave him ideas for pranks. She teased him about his boys' nights out, but never asked him where they went or what they did. She accepted him as he was; Sirius Black, reckless free-spirit, prankster, arrogant show-off… she never let it get to her.

Because she was Julia Tottleham, light-hearted flirt, instigator, a tease, the girl who relished every little thing about life.

"_I have no future…"_

What did that mean? Sirius had wracked his brains, but he could never figure it out. And he didn't like problems he couldn't solve. She had accused him of having secrets; but she had secrets too… perhaps just as many as he did. If they could only come clean, get everything out in the open, then perhaps she could be his. Forever? Who knew… the days would come as they always did, and they'd live them as they passed.

But things had to give. She had to explain her cryptic comments, explain _why_ she was pushing him away. And he had to explain the truth, his flightiness, his own insecurity, and his still boyish mentality when it came to commitment and his friends. His friends and their secrets… big secrets…

Suddenly Sirius sat up, grinning wickedly in the darkness as he plotted his next move. He wouldn't save Julia a dance, he'd save her a nice long walk…

***~*SJSJSJSJ*~***

Sirius watched James walk away, whining a little at his sloped posture. He didn't like defeated Prongs; he wasn't used to Prongs carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Though in his animagus form it wouldn't be a problem… he was extremely large for a stag.

The interesting thing about being an Animagus, Sirius always thought, was how the bits of your personality that were already animal like became more pronounced after your form is assumed. Peter was always a bit fretful, and tended to sneak and hide to avoid detection and trouble, and this tendency caused him to turn into a rat; causing him to seek protection from others through James, Sirius, and Remus. James always carried himself well; tall and proud, majestic… Sirius had always been amused by Lily's comments about "Prince James and his heavy crown." She needed to see James in his Animagus form for a lengthy period of time to really see his heavy crown. And that majesty and calm snuck into James' personality at the most random times, the passion and steadfastness of what he wanted… and stubbornness to not give it up.

Though some of those characteristics – Peter's self-preservation techniques and James' majesty- were something his friends enjoyed, Sirius found himself annoyed by his dog characteristics. The sense of smell was a plus, like now… when he could smell Julia coming down the stairs. His looks were a plus, cute and fuzzy… but the thoughts, and the pattern of thinking as a dog… Sirius was random enough as it was, but in his dog form, it took on a whole new level of insanity.

_Here she comes oh here she comes I can smell her… she smells so good I want to lick her all over here she comes here she comes she is the best girl in the whole world, _he thought Julia wandered into sight_. _Sirius barked, and internally laughed at Lily's shocked expression.

"Who lets a dog into Hogwarts?" asked Julia in an amused voice. She wandered over to him, grinning brightly and kneeling down to pet him. Ignoring Lily's shocked expression, Sirius heeded to his desires and jumped onto Julia, licking the side of her face and burying his nose in her neck.

_You smell so good and you taste so good, oh can I keep you? Can I keep you, Julia? Will you keep me and pet me and play with me_? He thought as she scratched at his belly.

Lily suggested that Julia take the dog outside, causing Sirius to wag his tail wildly. Lily gave him an amused smirk as she bid Julia farewell and headed on down to the ball.

"Come on you," said Julia, standing up and patting her leg. "Let's go back outside. I didn't realize that Hagrid brought pets inside the castle," she mused lightly as she wandered toward the door.

Sirius wasn't about to go outside. He barked once and took off in the opposite direction, his tail wagging as Julia's eyes widened and she followed after him.

"Oh no," Julia moaned, breaking into pursue the dog. She followed it all the way to the corridor where she and Sirius used to meet, a small pang of sadness hitting her as she stared at the door to the empty classroom. "All right," she said firmly to the dog, that was still wagging its tail happily. "That was fun but…"

Julia's eyes widened. The dog stood up and started to shift in form. She took several hasty steps backward, pressing herself up against a wall and watching, shocked, as the dog shifted and solidified into the form of…

"_Sirius_?" she whispered. "_Sirius Black_?"

"In the flesh," he laughed, stepping forward. "Or in the fur if you prefer… hey, that's kind of poetry, don't you agree?"

Julia's jaw dropped, her mind was frantically trying to catch up. Sirius put his hand on her face, his thumb brushing her cheek bone. His touch seemed to bring her senses back.

He flinched when she swatted his hand away and stepped forward. "What? What on Earth? What the hell are you playing at?" she shouted, ignoring his protests and shushing noises.

"Easy! Settle down, Jules… it's-"

"I will _NOT_ settle down! You! You are a _DOG_! You are … _literally_… a dog! What in God's name-"

Sirius clapped a hand over her mouth, swearing in a low voice as he dragged her into the empty class room and shut the door behind him. "Someone is going to find us! Just calm-"

"You … ANIMAGUS, _Sirius_! _Animagus_… how-"

"Yes, I'm an animagus. It's a secret, I wish you'd stop shouting... please," Sirius said, fighting back tears of laughter at Julia's expression.

"'A _secret_?'" she repeated incredulously. "I think that's a bit of an understatement, don't you?"

"Well, a few people know… so it's not like a life or death secret I suppose," he mused.

"Who knows?"

"James, Peter, Remus…"

"Oh, well of course they know. Why wouldn't-"

"Lily knows too," he said, sniggering when her eyes went wide then narrowed angrily.

"_Lily_? As in Lily Evans my best friend? She _knew_ you were an animagus and she didn't tell me?"

"We swore her to secrecy," said Sirius matter-of-factly. "I, for one, am glad to see she can be trusted."

"Oh, yes… that's just grand. Lily's _so_ trustworthy," Julia growled, crossing her arms over her chest. Sirius smiled. She looked lovely in her sparkly red dress, with thin straps covering her shoulders and a low plunging neckline. Her hair was down, he loved her hair down…

"Did you leave your hair down for me?" asked Sirius, grinning and moving closer to her.

Julia backed away, her expression turning hard. "You are an Animagus. You have rendered me incoherent and speechless; congratulations, there aren't many things that do that. Now…explain to me _why_ you decided to show me your secret talent to-"

"That's not my only secret talent," Sirius said seductively. Julia scoffed and walked toward the door. "Wait, wait… Jules, I was kidding. Joking," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her back toward the desk that was in the corner of the room. "I'm just trying to make you laugh."

"Stop trying to make me laugh, and start explaining to me why you decided to spill your secrets to me tonight," she said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest and shrugging away from him.

Sirius sighed and nodded, and then revealed everything about himself and his life. The stories tumbled out, unstoppable, relief flooding him as he confessed.

One of his best friends was a werewolf, the other two were Animagi, along with himself. His parents disowned him because he didn't agree with their family values of Pure-blood supremacy; Lindsay and Ambrose Potter took him in, they were more like his parents than his biological ones ever were. James was more of a brother to him than Regulus ever would be. He even indulged her with trivial things, like the time he snuck into the kitchen as a dog and terrified the house elves, and all the pranks he and James had played on the Slytherins. He told her about Evelyn Fosters and all the times he spent getting off with her in the broom shed after Quidditch matches; he confessed that when he had initially started kissing her, he had meant it to be nothing more than a snog here and there.

"But I liked you. And to be honest… it shocked me. I kept saying it to James, that I liked you. '_I like that girl_,' almost like if I said it out loud someone would contradict me, or tell me it wasn't true. But it was. And… I couldn't stay away from you; not just because you're sexy as hell and a bloody fantastic snog, but because you… you understood me. You just… we're the same. You're lighthearted, I'm free… we just… don't you see how we just gravitate toward each other? Like magnets?" he asked, moving closer to her and placing his hand against her cheek. Julia swallowed, her eyes wide and her expression sad.

"That's everything I can think of, Jules. All my secrets. I know I wasn't supposed to get attached… but I did… I am. So… can you … can you tell me what you mean when… Julia? What's wrong?" he asked, ruffling his hair as she pushed him away and jumped off the desk, walking across the room with her face buried in her hands. He followed, placing his hands on her bare shoulders, his expression full of concern and his heart beating very fast. "Talk to me… come on. You talk to Lily… I tried to get out of her what you meant but she wouldn't tell me-"

"Sirius… I can't… I can't… explain… it's too-"

"Jules," said Sirius, his voice low and sad. He rested his head against her shoulder, she could feel his breath, warm and soothing, against her skin. "Please… are you sick? There's nothing that could make me not be attached to you. Nothing. I don't care if you have scales or dragon pox or-"

"Sirius, I'm… I'm going to die before … before I turn twenty."

"What?" he asked, raising his head and widening his eyes when Julia began to cry harder.

"I'm going to die… before I turn twenty, I'm going to die. I don't know how… or why… or… what will cause it, but my Great, Great… oh, you know… my grandmother saw it when I turned 10… and everything I've ever seen anywhere says the same thing. '_Full of life to show her worth, for life shall cease twenty years after birth_,'" Julia whispered, repeating the phrase her grandmother had murmured in a trance like state at her tenth birthday party.

Sirius was quiet, Julia could feel him breathing against her skin. He finally walked next to her and turned her face to his, swallowing before he spoke. "Jules… those … it's not an exact science, divination. It-"

"Sirius, you don't understand. It was predicted, it wasn't like I was screwing around with tarot cards or tea leaves… my grandmother _predicted_ it. After that, my mum refused to do any kind of divination…but I started to see things, and I would know about things before they happened. Like I … I saw Lily before we were friends; I saw… I saw you running away from home. Why do you think I didn't act surprised when I wrote to you?" she asked, sniffling and wiping tears away from her face with her hands.

Sirius frowned. Her letter back to him after he'd mentioned needing to leave home hastily _hadn't_ sounded surprised… he hadn't given it much thought at the time. "How… if you saw me…how long did I travel?" asked Sirius, trying to keep the skepticism out of his voice.

"You traveled three days," Julia replied instantly. Sirius' eyes widened as Julia's met his. "You … you stayed at the Leaky Cauldron and… I saw you walking… just… walking through fields and the woods, carrying your trunk. Then you caught the Knight Bus to Bristol, and then walked to Cricklade."

Sirius breathed slowly, trying to calm his explosive thoughts. She had seen what he went through, where he'd gone, and what he did. "Still… you _didn't_ see that I was an animagus. I traveled as a dog for a while, I slept as a dog in the forest. You didn't see that… it's inaccurate… you aren't –"

"Sirius… no… it's going to happen. Every time I look … every time I try to find myself in the future, I'm not there. And that's why. That's why I didn't go out with Diggory, that's why every boy whose ever kissed me was just a snog and nothing else. That's why I didn't… I didn't want to kiss you. Because I liked you and… I saw this happening and I can't… I can't-"

"Why? You could be wrong… and even if you're not… what's stopping you?" asked Sirius curiously. "You can't tell me that you don't want to experience everything: love, happiness, closeness… I know you better than that. You want everything, you love life. You-"

"I do… I want all that but… but I've seen what losing someone does to people!" sniffed Julia, crying again. "I've seen what it does… what it did to my mum when my Grandmother died. What it did to my parents to hear... to hear that I'm going to die. I've seen what losing someone did to Lily, what it's _doing_ to Lily…"

"I don't understand," said Sirius, a confused expression on his face.

"Do you think I want that for you? For you to grieve over me or… cry? Do you think I want people to be destroyed because… because I'm gone? No, I don't want that! That's why Lily is my … my only close, close friend. I mean… Mary and I are friends, but we're not close. I couldn't help it with Lily, she just… she just pulls you in. I can't stand think about her, or my mum and dad… or anyone else grieving over me! I don't want that… and that's … that's why I can't get attached to anyone or let anyone get attached to me!"

Julia sobbed, tears falling down her cheeks, her fingers furiously wiping at them. Sirius watched her, feeling his heart sink. He swallowed. "It could be wrong… it…"

"It's not wrong…it's just _not_, Sirius. I know… I know divination is inexact, and things change and signals and signs can be misinterpreted… but… this is my fate. I'm not going to get married, or have kids, or anything like that. My future just… it stops. I don't know how… but it just stops," she said, wiping a tear away from her cheek with a shaky hand. "So that's why. That's why when we first started all this I told you it'd never mean anything to me, and that's why I told you so many times that you shouldn't want me and you shouldn't… I don't… it's not an excuse, it's … it's not even a good explanation…" she sniffed.

"But, things change," Sirius said, taking a step closer to her. "Julia… the future changes; it's-"

"My future hasn't changed for the last seven years… it's the same outlook again and again, nothing. I should have never dragged you into this… you … changed _everything_ and-"

"So things _did_ change… your future changed, Jules," said Sirius.

Julia sniffed, wiping her eyes and looking up at him. "Only slightly… I saw you, and despite my intentions I… I started to care about you. I always liked you, but I started to care about you and I started to become attached… and I saw _you_ getting attached," she sputtered, turning her face away so he couldn't see her tears. Sirius moved in front of her, tipping her head up to look into her eyes. "You _can't_ get attached to me. Lily is already attached to me and it's going to be hard enough on her… and my parents… I don't want to hurt anyone else and-"

Sirius leaned forward and kissed her softly, slowly… trying very hard to communicate a lot of unsaid things with a kiss. His lips pressed against hers again, and he placed his hand against her cheek, forcing her to look at him. Words formed in his mouth, then fell apart, then formed again as Sirius tried to find away to express how he felt.

"I'm already attached to you," he said. "It's too late to tell me not to be. I've been… attached to you for a long time, Jules. And I'm not attached to a lot of people. In fact, I can name the number of people I'm attached to on one hand," he explained, brushing her hair from her face. Sirius paused, trying to find away to quell her fears. "You could be wrong about this… its-"

"I'm not wrong… I'm not. And I _don't want_ you to hurt because of me. I don't want to… to think about you shutting yourself off from everyone or… or grieving when I'm gone or… or crying over me. I can't do it, Sirius… I can't. I don't want you to hurt because I'm gone..."

Sirius leaned close, pressing his forehead against hers and wrapping his arms around her waist. She softened against him, the way she always did… her body making room for his almost instinctually. Sirius caught her gaze and held it, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Julia… I'd hurt more if you never let me in."

"What?"

"You… I'll hurt more if… if I don't get to spend all the time I can with you," Sirius explained, feeling his cheeks color. He determinedly kept his eyes on hers, feeling very vulnerable and uncomfortable as he tried to explain that he wanted her with him _now_, no matter what happened in the future… his or hers.

"If I didn't … if I _don't_ tell you this, if I don't explain it… I'll sit alone in some empty flat somewhere… regretting that I never said anything. And I don't want to regret - I _don't_ regret. No matter what happens… I'll… I'd regret it for my whole life if I never had you in it, even if it was only for a little while. And that… _that_ would hurt more than any grieving or crying I would ever do."

He sighed, feeling her eyes on him, feeling her read his emotions and his thoughts the way she always did. Julia knew him, she knew him almost as well as James did. And _he_ knew _her_… and he knew she was going to push him away; she was going to tell him that he was better off without her. She was going to tell him that she'd never be able to give him what he wanted, and she was going to push him away to try and keep him safe and happy… like she must have with Diggory, and any other boy she'd ever kissed…

But then she was there, her lips were against his and her fingers were against his scalp. Her cheeks felt wet, and she was sniffling as she kissed him… but she was kissing him.

"Damn it… damn it, Sirius Black. Why are you so loyal? Why are you such a masochist? Why-"

"I'm not a masochist, and I'm loyal because the people I'm attached to mean more to me than my own life. Julia Trelawney Tottleham… I'd hurt more if I was never with you… than I ever will if I'm without, I promise," he whispered, kissing her again the way he had wanted to for weeks.

Julia's mind seemed to shatter at his touch; his soft and still some how aggressive and hungry touch. She didn't care anymore; Sirius was right. No matter how short her life was, she wanted to know everything there was. Laughter, companionship, passion, love… she wanted it all. And he was who she wanted it from.

Julia tugged Sirius closer, pulling his t-shirt over his head as he pushed her back against the wall behind them. Weeks of pent up passion and emotion seemed to explode between them like a brilliant fireworks display. Julia felt Sirius tug at the zipper on the back of her dress, and she shimmied the straps down her shoulders at the same time his fingers unclasped her bra and pulled it off. He pulled her close to him, his body flush against hers, his warm skin lighting a fire in her soul.

"Sirius… promise me," she whispered, "I don't want anyone else, and I won't… it's not going to be a long time but will you stay with me? Just with me?"

Sirius groaned and nodded, breaking the kiss for only a moment. "I promise… no one but you, I don't want anyone but you. And I will keep you for as long as I can… as long as you let me."

Julia whimpered, grabbing the front of his trousers and pulling him close. His mouth crashed against hers, his responding moan causing shivers to run up her spine. She shifted away from the wall as Sirius pulled on her dress. "Do you want –"

"Have I _ever_ wanted you to stop?" asked Julia, unbuttoning his trousers and sliding them down his hips.

Sirius chuckled. "No, you haven't," he whispered, kissing her lightly as he stepped out of his clothing and pressed himself against her.

Julia gasped, sliding her hands over Sirius' naked torso and hips. She bit her lip and looked him over quickly, feeling heat rush through her skin as he slid his hands over her waist and under her dress.

Sirius kissed her lightly, resting his forehead against hers and giving her a significant look. "I want you… I want you more than I've ever wanted anything. I want you in every way possible, Julia… do you want- "

"Yes," Julia interupted, arching her back and tangling her fingers in Sirius hair as he bent to kiss her again and tugged the material of her dress and kickers over her hips. He released it, letting the material slide out of his fingers and on to the floor; his hands slid over her backside as he lifted her up and pulled her close. "I've never done this before… I-"

"Neither have I," murmured Sirius against her ear. "I don't care… I just want you close to me."

Julia whimpered again as he set her on her feet. Sirius bent down, pausing to kiss her stomach and nestle his face between her legs as he found his wand inside his trousers. Julia sank down to the floor, kneeling next to Sirius as he conjoured a few blankets and a pillow. He nodded his head and motioned for her to follow him behind the desk, where she bit her lip nervously as he laid out the material by the dim light of the only window in the room.

"Why-"

"I want to see you," he murmured, using his wand to light a few of the random candles that were on the desk. She walked shyly over to him, closing her eyes as he slid his hands up her legs and gently pulled her down onto her knees. "All of you," he whispered, kissing her hungrily.

Julia felt herself go limp as Sirius slid one hand to the small of her back and the other into her hair. He laid her back against the pillow and blankets, his eyes roving slowly over her naked figure. Sirius ran his hands over her breasts and her stomach, around her hips and down her legs. "You are so… I don't have a word," he muttered, leaning down to kiss her. Julia ran her fingers through his hair, her fingernails digging into his scalp. Sirius groaned and kissed the inside of her wrist. "This is … I'm … I'm not nervous… but I'm not going… I haven't-"

"I don't care, Sirius," she whispered back, another set of tears falling from her eyes. Sirius brushed them away and kissed her as she pulled him close, his hips settling against hers as his hand moved between her legs to gently stroke at her. Arousal raced through him as she closed her eyes and arched into him, spreading her legs wider as she tugged at his shoulders. "I thought you wanted me close to you," she murmured, kissing him again.

"I do," Sirius agreed, nipping her collar bones as his hands slid to her hips. He held her still, steadying his own breath as he nestled his face against her breasts, then kissed higher to her lips before pushing himself slowly inside of her.

Sirius groaned, trying as hard as he could to quell the urges inside of him as Julia flinched sharply, her legs squeezing his hips as her back arched and she gasped loudly. "Shhh…" he murmured, kissing her gently. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Julia replied, her voice raspy and strained. "I'm… I'm all right."

Sirius kissed her, gently moving his hips closer to hers and holding her tightly. He slowly moved, his own senses screaming for release as the friction of her around him caused warm waves of pleasure to move over his skin. He kept kissing her, it helped distract him from the sensations, in addition to being immensely pleasurable. After a few minutes of painfully slow thrusting, Sirius felt Julia start to relax, her body softening under his. He paused his kisses as he pushed forward again, groaning involuntarily and smirking when she shuddered against him. "Are you all right?" he asked in a throaty whisper.

He felt Julia nod as her legs relaxed and her hips subtly rocked against his. Sirius groaned again, his eyes squeezing shut at the sensation of her movements. Her teeth grazed his earlobe, her lips pressed against his neck; He tilted his head to kiss her hungrily, groaning as he thrust and she arched in response. "You feel good," she murmured, shuddering as the sound of his desperate moan echoed in her ears.

Sirius nodded, feeling her hands slide down his back to his hips. "Feel… _ohhh_… mu-mutual," he gasped, resting his forehead against her before pushing himself up on his hands. His hips snapped harder against hers, and her fingernails scratched at the skin of his lower back. "God… _Julia_," he groaned, bowing his head to look at her face. She was biting her lip, her eyes fluttering closed with each thrust he gave. He moved quicker, smirking when she bent her knees and crossed her ankles around his back. One hand stayed at his hips, the other sliding up his chest before tangling in his hair and pulling him closer to her. He began to thrust a little more aggressively, smirking as she groaned loudly against his lips. She whispered his name, he swallowed the sound and moved deeper inside her.

The burning sensation had ceased, as had the painful stretching that happened when Sirius first entered her. There were new feelings, sensations she never thought she would experience: heat, pleasure, rhythmic pulsing… Sirius' hand against her thigh, his fingers in her hair, his lips against hers… the feel of his breath on her skin, the scent of his hair, the way her body curved around his. Sirius groaned again, the sound ran straight through her. She blushed as she kissed him, trying to control her own desires … trying to appear modest…

"You're blushing," he whispered curiously, decreasing the pace of his thrusts as he rested against her.

"I… it's warm, you're making me warm," she whispered in reply, burying her face in his neck and covering it with kisses.

Sirius hummed, nudging lips back to his. He looked into her eyes, still moving slowly against her. Julia bit her lip, a shy look crossing her face. "Don't be shy," he murmured. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Do I feel good?"

"Yes…"

"So do you," he grunted, thrusting harder into her. Julia gasped, her legs tightening around his hips as she arched into him. "You feel amazing," he continued, praising her movements and the way they complimented his. Julia closed her eyes, her mind becoming blank as Sirius murmured sweetly, seductively into her ear. She wondered if he had finished and was simply trying to help her reach her own peak of pleasure, but he still felt stiff and full inside of her… thrusting, pushing, friction building…

She unwrapped her legs from his hips and pressed her feet into the floor, bucking her hips into his thrusts. Sirius growled approvingly, bringing a hand to the outside of her thigh and pushing himself deeper into her. His thrusts became firmer, steadier; she moved with him, following his rhythm, gasping against his lips as the pleasure inside her began to build.

"Julia," Sirius murmured, kissing her again. "You're amazing… you're beautiful…" he whispered before kissing her once. She whimpered, relishing in the feel of him against her, inside her; the fingers of one hand tangled into her hair, his other pulled her leg up around his hips. He thrust harder, she arched into it, groaning loudly.

Sirius smirked, feeling the beginning tremors in his lower belly. He shuddered at the way she moved against him; sinuously, seductively… he'd been right about his observations. "Julia…" he groaned, kissing her again and grinning wickedly at her responding groan over his increased pace. "You are wonderful and sweet…" he murmured. "But you are also... a bit naughty, aren't you?" he asked, groaning as the rhythmic contractions began to form in his stomach. He willed them to stop as he thrust harder, wanting to get her to the peak as well. "Let go," he encouraged. "Only you… I only want you… and I want all of you…"

Julia groaned loudly, her back arching and her head falling back as she gripped his hips with her hands, her legs falling back and open wider. "God, Sirius," she moaned. "Don't stop… please don't stop," she begged, her voice cracking as the tingle in her stomach began to move lower.

Sirius grunted, his lips meeting hers and then pulling away. "I won't," he promised, closing his eyes as his pleasure reached the point of no return.

"_God_," Julia groaned, Sirius' eyes watching her as she threw her head back and clutched him tightly. "Harder… _harder_… oh… _ohhhh_," she moaned loudly as pleasure surged between her legs and moved all throughout her core. She heard Sirius groaning as well, his thrusts erratic but forceful as she requested. She rocked her hips against his, crying out as her orgasm raged on. As the contractions slowed, Sirius lips met hers again and his thrusting ceased, his body resting against hers as he exhaled loudly and buried his face against her shoulder. Julia left her legs wrapped around his hips, sliding her hands up her back and resting one around his shoulders, the other tangling in his hair. They were silent for a while; Julia let her eyes close and simply relaxed into the feeling of Sirius' lips against her neck, his warm breath tickling her skin.

"Do you realize how warm you are?" Sirius asked after a few long moments filled with nothing but the sounds of their breathing.

"How do you mean?"

"You're just… warm. All over; even the sound of your voice is warm… and your hands are warm and everything," he whispered, kissing her neck and smirking as she flinched and giggled at the way his breath tickled. "It's soothing."

"Well I've finally returned the favor then," she mused quietly.

Sirius leaned up on one elbow, quirking his eyebrow at her. She giggled. "For the beginning of the year? You said you gave good massages and you weren't lying, it was very soothing."

Sirius chuckled. "I can give different types of massages now, yes?"

"I reckon if you visit me over the summer I'll let you practice your technique," she teased seductively, leaning up to kiss him.

Sirius moaned quietly, pressing her back against the pillows. "What about now? We are in a class room, no better place to-"

The door rattled, both of them froze. A second later it opened slowly. Julia shrieked and covered herself while Sirius jumped to his feet, cursing loudly and grabbing his trousers. He tossed her dress to her and had just knelt down to help her with it when a hand appeared inside the door frame and waved wildly.

"It's me! It's just me," James' voice called, sounding as though he was trying not to laugh.

Sirius growled. "Impeccable timing, Prongs," he muttered, causing Julia to laugh and lay back against the blankets. "What the bloody hell do you want?" Sirius called, getting to his feet and pulling his trousers on.

* * *

_A/N: As I said, probably full of errors, but it explains a bit of back story and has a bit of fun. I may add more to it later, but for now my focus is on BTF. thanks!_


	7. Reunion  July 1977

_A/N - More is coming for **Before The Fawn**... my Beta is reviewing a chapter and I have #40 and 41# in progress, but I also have a 12 page short story due for my fiction writing course in college and since I'm being graded on that... well... you get the idea. Hope these two outtakes tide you over. _

* * *

July 1977

**Reunion**

**

* * *

**

Sirius ruffled his hair and straightened out his robes. He cupped his hand over his mouth and breathed into it, checking his breath to ensure it was acceptable. James snorted with laughter. "You've uh… you've got some stubble around-"

"Shut up," Sirius growled, chuckling lightly. "It's not like you don't do the same thing whenever you're around Lily."

"Accept I know I'm not going to be kissing her …"

"You could."

James sighed heavily. "I wish."

Sirius was about to say something encouraging, but the door opened in front of him and Julia's bright face appeared. He didn't even have a chance to say "hi" before she flung herself at him and kissed him fiercely. Sirius swayed on the spot, holding her and trying to steady himself on the narrow step.

James chuckled and turned his eyes away, staring off into the distance behind Julia's small house. She continued to kiss Sirius hungrily… he slowly began to feel very awkward. "Er… Hi, Julia…" he finally murmured.

Julia and Sirius broke apart, and her expression became sheepish as she looked at James. "Oh… sorry... I didn't… um… I didn't realize you were there, James," she admitted.

"I noticed," he replied with a laugh. "Where's _my_ kiss?"

Julia laughed as Sirius scowled. "Careful…"

"He's saving _his_ kisses for _Lily_," she whispered into Sirius' ear. "I'm so happy to see you! Why are you here?" she asked, looking at James and Sirius both for an answer.

Sirius shrugged. "We were in the neighborhood and-"

"Oh, shut up, Padfoot," James laughed. "He hadn't gotten a letter back from you yet and was getting twitchy, so I drug him up here."

Julia grinned, watching Sirius frown over at James. "My owl is off on letter carrying mission for my parents, which is why I haven't written you back," she explained. "They're gone for the weekend, actually; otherwise you could have met them."

James nodded, and then began to laugh hysterically. Sirius and Julia both looked quizzically at him. "Perhaps I should… well… perhaps I should head on back," he offered, grinning wildly. "Padfoot is here now and since your parents are gone… wink, wink, nod nod…"

"James," said Julia firmly. "Come inside for a bit, I'll make some tea."

She grinned at Sirius and escorted them inside her small, but pretty house. There were various family photographs lining the walls, some muggle and some wizard. "Your dad must be a muggle," observed James. "He looks a bit perplexed in some of these photos."

Julia laughed. "My mum met him at a little shop," she explained, guiding them to the dining area and sitting them down while she busied herself making tea. "She said she'd been waiting for him to arrive… I think he was a little frightened of her at first, but he adores her now so it all worked out."

James and Sirius laughed, listening to her tell little stories about her family life while they waited for their tea. They sat at the table for twenty minutes or so, talking about the few short weeks they'd been apart. Julia found herself itching to be close to Sirius, and was relieved and amused when James got to his feet and pushed their chairs closer together so they could hold hands. "For the love of God… you like each other, I think by now I've noticed that… you don't have to shelter me from it," he explained rolling his eyes.

Sirius nodded, first settling to hold Julia's hand, but then he slid closer and placed his hand against her back, kneading small circles with his fingers. He watched as she sipped her tea slowly, regarding James with a concerned expression. "Have you talked to Lily?"

James shook his head. "I wrote her a letter," he said in what he hoped was an off-hand voice.

"Did you send it?"

"He hasn't yet," Sirius explained, watching James scowl at him.

Julia sighed. "I may Apparate down to Southampton and smack that girl upside the head," she said thoughtfully. "She spent the entire train ride home crying-"

"Why?" asked James. "I could tell she was upset when you guys got off…but… I wanted to call her and talk…"

Julia shook her head. "She scared. She thinks her mum is dying of a broken heart… losing her father was hard on her mother, obviously, and she's scared of getting hurt if something were to happen to you. She's scared because she thinks she'll put you in danger because of-"

"I don't _care_ about any danger… I would –"

"James, I _know_," said Julia, sighing exasperatedly. "She's really just scared of … of being in love with you."

"Why?" asked James.

"Because being in love is scary… you know that," she said. "Don't you ever feel scared around Lily? Or nervous?"

"No," said James honestly. "I feel … elated. I feel happy when I'm around her and-"

"What about when she gets close to you? When she rests against your shoulder or almost kisses you?" asked Julia.

"That's not scary at all, I love that… I _would_ love that if she'd ever kiss me," James grumbled.

Sirius sighed. "He feels scared, he just doesn't realize it," he said to Julia.

"How do you know how I feel?" asked James.

"Because I know you," explained Sirius. "And you get scared in odd ways. If Lily ever did kiss you, you'd start worrying about the size of your tongue, or appearing to eager with her. You'd worry about hurting her because you want to pin her to the bed and-"

James laughed. "Well, obviously I worry about that," he explained. "Not that I would do that or anything…"

"You also worry that you aren't good enough for her," said Sirius knowingly. "You never waver in your confidence, Prongs… but when _she_ looks at you, when _she's_ noticing you… you worry that you aren't good enough for her. You're afraid she won't think you're as wonderful as you think she is."

James made a face, and then nodded acquiescingly as he took another drink of his tea. When he lifted his eyes, Julia was giving him a gentle smile. "Send the letter," she advised. "You _are_ good enough for her… she knows it. She loves you, James… don't give up… I promise that-"

"I won't," he murmured, sighing heavily. "I… listen, I'll let you guys have some alone time. I'm going to… maybe I'll go to her house and visit… yeah…" he said, getting to his feet. "You'll probably be here for a few days, Pads?"

"I'll keep in touch," he said, watching James walk toward the front door. "Mate… you don't-"

"No… I do. I'll see you soon," he said. "Bye, Jules."

With that, James waved and headed out the door. They watched through the window as he disappeared in a swirl of robes, both of them sighing heavily as they turned back to each other. "Is he all right?" asked Julia.

"He's just … he's sad," Sirius explained. "But he's all right."

"You two…" she said, smiling wickedly as she leaned closer to him. "You speak in code… it's like you can read each other's minds."

Sirius shrugged. "Prongs and I have been friends since our first year at Hogwarts. We were inseparable, as I'm sure you noticed. I've stayed at his house for four different Christmas and Easter breaks… and that was before I came to live with them last summer. We just… I just get him; and vice versa."

Julia nodded, leaning her head into Sirius' palm as he threaded his fingers into her hair. "How are you?" he asked.

Julia smiled. "I'm good."

"I missed you," Sirius confessed, leaning close and kissing her softly.

Julia giggled seductively against his lips, chewing his bottom one and sliding onto his lap. "I missed you."

"How much?"

Julia grinned, leaning her head back as Sirius began to kiss along her throat. "Here, let me show you, she whispered, pulling her t-shirt over her head and kissing him fiercely. Sirius groaned, sliding his hands up her waist and holding her close. She rolled her hips against his, causing him to groan as her slender fingers set to work pulling his own shirt off.

Sirius chuckled in a low voice as he kissed along her neck, quickly removing her bra and pulling her flush against him. "I missed you more," he murmured, pulling her lips to his and groaning quietly into the kiss.

"Not possible," she replied. It came out more like "nnn… pssmbllmm" since Sirius had kept kissing her while she tried to speak.

"I don't know," he whispered, shaking his head and giving her a disappointed face. "I'm not entirely convinced that you missed me at all."

Julia gave him a mock glare before pushing his arms away from her and standing up from his lap. She gave up on trying to remove Sirius' t-shirt, instead bringing her hands to her own jeans and unbuttoning them quickly. She smirked as Sirius' eyes widened at her; she stepped out of the fabric and tossed them at him before turning and walking toward her bedroom down the hall. "You can throw those in that hamper there on your way out then if you're not convinced," she said lightly, gesturing to a basket full of clothes near the couch.

Sirius jumped to his feet, tossing the jeans into the basket as he followed Julia quickly down the hall. She giggled wickedly and tried to shut the door in his face, but he forced it open and grabbed her around the waist. "Nice knickers," he commented before kissing her hungrily and pressing her up against the door.

"Thanks," she whispered, breathing heavily he kissed her neck and slid his hands over her naked torso. "Some bloke got them for me last Christmas…"

"Some bloke?" asked Sirius with a grin, snaking his hands under the fabric of her knickers as she worked furiously on his trouser buttons.

Julia shrugged, tossing her long blonde hair out of her face and grinning again. "Just some bloke that I mess around with," she whispered into his mouth. "He told me I had nice legs."

"You do have nice legs," Sirius commented, assisting her with his trousers as he pulled her knickers off her hips. He lifted her higher, positioning her hips so they were level with his as her legs squeezed his waist tightly. They both groaned loudly as he entered her, moving slowly at first, then quicker and more forceful as Julia relaxed.

Sirius was in ecstasy; he couldn't prevent the quiet grunts of pleasure that echoed in his chest with every thrust. His hands gripped Julia the underside of Julia's thighs tightly; she pushed against him with her hips, curving, opening herself to his aggressive thrusts. They were kissing in between ragged breaths; Julia was trying to support herself as much as possible by gripping his shoulders tightly, but as her control slipped it became harder and harder to use her muscles.

Sirius seemed to sense that she was tiring, though he didn't seem to be. He pulled her away from the door and held her close as they both fell onto her bed, not once ceasing contact with their bodies. They spent the next hour like that, immersed in each other as though there had been a six month absence instead of only two weeks.

"You are trying to kill me," said Julia, her voice weak but bubbly with laughter.

"I'm not a murderer! I'd never do that," replied Sirius indignantly. "You didn't seem to mind that much," he noted, kissing her neck.

She shrugged. "You said you needed convincing."

"You are convincing," he smiled, moving to kiss her lips and run his fingers through her hair. He pulled her against his chest, letting his eyes close as the lull of her breathing soothed him. "You're sure your parents are gone-"

"For the whole weekend," she assured him.

"Good," Sirius replied, his body relaxing. "I didn't want to have my first meeting with them be introduced by finding us in this position."

Julia lifted her head. "You want to meet them?"

"'Course I do. Don't you want me to meet them?"

Julia nodded eagerly. "Oh, I do… I just… I wasn't sure how you'd feel knowing-"

Sirius kissed her, shaking his head and lacing his fingers into her hair. "Don't you think they'd want to know that someone cares for you the way I'm sure they'd want someone to?"

Julia smiled. "You care about me?"

"Don't sound so surprised," he chuckled. "I'm not as black as my name suggests."

Julia laughed, she traced her thumb over Sirius eyebrows. "I already knew that," she whispered, blushing a little and feeling elated at his words. "You can't be black with eyes so bright."

Sirius grinned, pulling her down against his chest. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. "Right now my bright eyes want to rest… and I'm sure yours feel the same."

Julia nodded, yawning as she snuggled against him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For coming to see me," she replied. "For caring about me."

Sirius chuckled. "Don't thank me, it's effortless. I told you… this is much, MUCH, easier than trying to _not_ care for you."

*****SJSJSJSJSJ*****

"_Lily,_

"_How has your summer been so far? It's been relatively calm here; the most exciting thing has been Sirius' twitchiness and talk about Julia. Nothing too revealing, he's not one to kiss and tell, but I'm sure she was – she did drag you into a compartment for the whole train ride. Have you heard from her? Sirius wrote her but hasn't heard back… we're going to visit tomorrow._

"_If you'd like company, we can come visit you if you wish. Perhaps you'd need help with things around the house, or maybe you'd just want some company. Maybe it would…_

"_I'm trying too hard to be helpful, aren't I? You're so good at helping people you've probably got it all covered. If anything, perhaps you could give me lessons on being more helpful… or at least effectively helpful instead of what I'm being now…_

"_This letter has little substance really. I just wanted to write to you. I thought maybe getting a letter from me would make you smile. It might even make you laugh. I could tell you another one of my father's horrible jokes, or we could come up with ways to tease Sirius and Julia… or just Sirius. He needs teasing, his ego is too big. I don't know anyone else with that problem… hahaha._

"_What I'm really trying to say, in all my inane babbling, is that I really, __**really**__, __**really**__, miss you. I loved talking to you at the ball and… I just miss you, Lils. Write me back, please… it'll take your mind off things._

"_If you need anything, you know how to find me… and if you've forgotten where I live or that number you dial on the telephone (I had to look that word up in my muggle-studies book, just so you know), the information is all below my signature. Enjoy my drawings…_

"_Love, James Potter."_

Lily was laughing, and crying, as she read James' letter. She was laughing over his babbling, and the random drawings of a snitch, a broomstick, and what looked like a dragon that was drawn to cover up some kind of a flower or butterfly. She wanted to write him back and tease him about hiding his non-manly drawings… but she was crying too hard at the moment.

Her mother was sick again today; vomiting violently from a round of treatments she had endured the previous day. Petunia was off ordering flowers and trying on her wedding dress; Lily's family was sending cards… but she was the only one there. She'd made her mother some oatmeal, hoping to soothe her stomach, and had in secret gave her a sleeping draught so she could rest as she needed to. That was one of the glorious things about potions, she thought to herself. They didn't require magic so she needn't break any rules.

Of course, being seventeen now allowed her to do magic whenever she pleased… but it still felt unnatural somewhat. _And Petunia would throw an absolute fit_, she thought.

She wanted to write back. She wanted to tell James that she missed him too. She wanted to tell him that he was right, and that he should come running to Southhampton to finish what she had tried to start the night of the ball…

What she did not want to tell him about was the dreams she was having; they were embarrassing beyond all belief. Dreams where he would be touching and kissing her in ways she'd only heard about from Julia; dreams where he'd be whispering softly in her ears and running his hands through her hair. Dreams of him sitting next to her on some random beach, gloriously half naked in his swimming costume, his tousled hair dripping wet from swimming as he grinned over at her with his beautiful smile and deep, sexy, hazel eyes…

Lily's hands were shaking just recalling the dreams… let alone actually talking about them to someone.

Lily sat down with the letter and pulled out her quill, trying to control her thoughts and compose a reply. She got as far as "James, Your letter did make me laugh, thank you. Summer has been fine here so far, I've been keeping busy…" but then crumpled up the paper and threw it in the bin, thinking that James would see right through her attempt at nonchalance. Smart as he is, she thought. If I didn't like him so much I'd hate him for being so smart.

She couldn't think of what to write to him. How she felt couldn't be expressed in a letter, it couldn't be expressed in words… it could only be expressed in a kiss. And Lily had no experience kissing anyone, let alone kissing James who had kissed Felicity and several other girls at school, let alone girls outside of school Lily was sure. He'd probably run screaming, she though with a frown. Kissing James would also bring all sorts of additional complications into Lily's already complicated life, and kissing James would also be fodder for teasing amongst her friends, and kissing James would be absolutely mind blowing she was sure…

If James were there she'd kiss him just so she could stop thinking about kissing him.

There was a faint tapping at her window and Lily looked over to see Julia's owl, Gerard, waiting impatiently to be let in. She opened it up, flinching when the owl landed on her shoulder and tugged at her hair. "You are either just a grumpy, grumpy owl, or you hate me… I haven't decided which and I don't think you have either," she mumbled, taking the letter from him.

The owl hooted, its eyes fixed on Daisy who was sleeping in her cage. He looked back at Lily impatiently. She sighed. "If you don't want to wait on me, don't… I'll send it with her because she's more than capable of finding where Julia lives. Go on… go nip her hair or something," said Lily, giving the owl a playful pat on the head. She watched as the owl flitted away, pulling out a news paper clipping she'd save and beginning to write a letter to Julia… which was much, much easier than thinking about kissing James.


	8. Champagne  August 1977

August 1977

Champagne

* * *

"We need to go, we need to get there now," James' father said, tossing James his cloak and flicking his wand. Sirius and Julia stood up and watched as some James' clothes packed themselves neatly into an open bag and Sirius' did the same thing. "Voldemort left as soon as Dumbledore showed up, but-"

James waved his hands. "Okay… hang on here… so you're telling me you talked to Voldemort? Not to one of his little henchmen, but to him? And he asked-"

"He asked if your mother and I were ready to take a stand against the filth permeating our world and work to eradicate muggle-borns from our society and take our rightful place back at the top," Ambrose Potter explained, tossing a cloak at Sirius and giving James a grave look. "And then he asked whether or not we were proud that you were infatuated with a Muggle-born. He questioned whether we thought she might have poisoned you or something along those lines-"

"Lily wouldn't think of doing something like that," James snapped. "We only just-"

"James, I know," said his father, trying to quell some of James' instantaneous rage. "We pointed out that according to Voldemort's credo, a Muggle-born wouldn't be able to brew something as complicated as Amortentia. Of course then he went on about how we were betraying the sacramental value of our heritage by allowing you to date Lily or… anyway, long story short, Dumbledore arrived, Voldemort scarpered, and then when we explained what Voldemort had said he suggested we get to you and go look out for Lily. Someone inside his organization must know that you two are… well… whatever you are and they're trying to use the threat of harm coming to her or you to get us to join up… probably more so to get you to join up," he explained, exiting the door and heading back downstairs.

Sirius and James followed, Julia behind them biting her lip nervously. James' mother was packing a few things in her bag when they met up with her. She looked at Julia and patted her shoulder. "We'll find her, don't worry," she said. "James… there are going to be other people meeting up with us, but our first task is to find out where that wedding is and get them there in case the Death Eaters decide to do something big. Then we'll find Lily."

James nodded, his mind racing with worry. They headed outside and James' father disapparated while gripping his and Sirius' cloaks, leading them to a park directly across from Lily's house.

"James, you stay outside. We're going to play like we were in the area and find out some information, then we'll come out and tell you the plan," his mother explained, following his father across the street and leaving James, Sirius and Julia standing scared in the field across from Lily's house.

James paced, his long legs moving quickly as his feet wore a path in the summer grass. "Mate," Sirius said finally, making him stop his movements. "You are going to walk a new pathway here… just… settle-"

"I can't settle! Fucking Voldemort came and asked my family if they wanted to join up… and now they may or may not have gone after Lily to get to me? She could be anywhere… she-"

"Don't say it!" Julia shrieked. "All right… just don't say it. She's… she's going to be fine. They won't get her, she won't let them."

"She won't let them?" asked James. "Like she'd have a choice!"

"She's stronger than you think, James," Julia said, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself. "She's powerful and she's instinctual… she won't let them take her."

Sirius watched her curiously, glancing at James when he swallowed and moved closer to Julia. "What do you mean by that? You sound like-"

"Just… she's going to be okay. Just trust me," Julia said, still squeezing her eyes shut. "What is your Mum doing?"

"She's talking with Lily's Mum," James noted, watching his father walk out the front door and disappear on the spot. "I'm not sure where my dad is-"

"Look!" Sirius shouted suddenly, calling their attention to the flash of red hair that appeared suddenly across the field from them. Without another word, James took off after Lily, his long legs racing to make sure she wasn't harmed.

James tried to grab onto her hand, but she shrieked and whipped around, brandishing her wand at him. He reacted instantaneously. "PROTEGO!" he shouted, watching as an invisible barrier erupted in front of him and Lily stepped back. "Lily, don't! It's me! It's-"

"JAMES?" she screamed. He dropped his shield and held open his arms, bracing himself as she raced forward and leapt into them. He breathed deeply, holding her close and letting the relief that she was safe flood through him.

***SJ*SJ*SJ*SJ***

"Bloody, stupid, evil little wench," Lily was growling hours later as she stalked past where Julia and Sirius were standing. They watched as she grabbed a glass of Champagne from a tray and downed the contents in three gulps.

"That might be the nicest thing anyone's ever said about me," Sirius mused, trying to make her laugh.

Lily stood up straight, her eyes filled with rage and her posture defensive. She huffed and grabbed another glass, staring at Julia whose eyes were full of concern.

"What did she say to you?"

Lily laughed humorlessly. "Ha! She said that her and Vernon had talked and they'd be willing to give me a room in their new house to stay when something happens to mom… like I'd have no where else to go or no where else I'd want to go…"

"Is that all?"

"Oh, no… it comes with the condition that I agree to 'clean and keep up on things,'" Lily explained, drinking the contents of another glass.

Julia made a face and shook her head. "She's a piece of work isn't she?"

"You're damn right she is! She said it'd be better for me to be a maid than to marry someone 'like' me just to fit in. Because it's not like anyone could ever actually love me, or want to marry because they love me and not because they pity me… freak that I am and all," Lily grumbled. She drank again and then threw the empty glass against the concrete. "Oh, I am so angry! I cannot stand her! She's horrible... she's been horrible to me ever since I found out I was a witch. And why? I have no idea… it's not like I ever-"

"She's jealous, Lils. She's jealous of your power, of your life… you have meaning to it. You have a purpose and the ability to do great things… she's just going to be normal. She's jealous," Julia explained.

"She doesn't have anything to be jealous of," Lily grumbled. "It's not like this is easy or anything. I've had to deal with persecution, people want to kill me because of what I am – both in our world and in the muggle world – I have to live in fear of bringing danger to everyone around me because I'm a muggle-born. It's not like this is some walk in the park!"

Lily huffed angrily, downing another glass of champagne. Julia watched as she breathed slowly and closed her eyes, the amount of alcohol she had consumed in such a short period of time on am empty stomach finally catching up with her. "It's not a walk in the park for any of us, Lils," she said quietly.

"I know… I know, I'm sorry," Lily said. "It just… it made me angry… can you see me? Being her made? Just the thought of that…"

"You know," Julia said with a small smirk, "There are probably a few people who wouldn't mind seeing you in a little maid's uniform… if you catch my drift."

Lily grinned, her cheeks coloring slightly. "I catch it, but he's dancing with my mum… and I don't want to interrupt."

Julia nodded, watching Lily take another drink of Champagne. "You know, you're pretty well pissed now… I'm not sure-"

"Pshhh," Lily muttered, laughing as she took another drink. "I'm fine…"

Julia knew Lily wasn't fine, though. And subsequently decided to walk her back to her house; Sirius insisted on coming for the time being as it appeared that Mrs. Evans and James were having a very deep conversation and he was bored. Though as soon as they arrived at Lily's house, there was a lot of entertainment to be had.

"Whoo…" Lily laughed as she stepped through the door, instantly pulling off her shoes and sitting down on a chair. "Have a seat guys… I'd offer you a drink but I think I drank it all," she laughed giddily.

"That's an understatement," Sirius snorted, sniggering behind his hand as Julia shook her head at her friend.

Lily flexed her toes and kicked out her legs, examining them curiously. "I do have nice calves…"

"Lils," Julia laughed. "You have nice everything."

"When you say that… it sounds sexual. And I know that you have probably told Sirius that you come up and get off with Mary or I at times… how did it feel to be rejected for a girl?" Lily asked Sirius with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"Um… were you two getting off together?" he asked, looking at Lily and ignoring Julia's roll of the eyes. "Can I watch?"

"Oh for God's sake-"

"Can Prongs watch for that matter? Hell, we'll make a little show out of it," he teased, flinching when Julia smacked him as Lily giggled uncontrollably.

"You are such a dog," Julia muttered.

"Bow wow," Sirius replied, listening to Lily laugh loudly and Julia try to refrain from chuckling.

"You two…" Lily said, pointing at the pair of them. "You shagged while I was dancing… you were in that room shagging."

"Yup," said Julia matter-of-factly. "Tell us something we don't know."

"I really, really, really want to kiss James."

Julia widened her eyes and Sirius laughed. "Go get him," Julia said quietly. "Go!"

"Is he going to go get him? I think you should go get him," Lily said, standing up and swaying on her feet. "I'll go get him. I'll go get him so I can kiss him so I can stop thinking about kissing him."

"No, you stay," Julia said.

Sirius bit his lip. "He's not going to want to kiss her like this," he said very quietly.

"What do you mean?" asked Julia.

"She's pissed… look at her," Sirius laughed. "James … he's not going to take advantage of-"

"But she wants him to!"

"Yeah, until she thinks back on it," Sirius said. "C'mon Jules… would you have wanted your first kiss to happen while you were drunk?"

Julia sighed. "No… you have a point," she conceded. "Why are you so damn noble… the pair of you?"

"Are you going to go get James so I can kiss him?" asked Lily, who had now wandered over to the couch and was arranging pillows to lay on.

"I'll go get him," Sirius laughed, kissing Julia on the cheek and walking out the door. Julia bit her lip and turned back to Lily, snorting with laughter as she watched Lily lay back against the pillows and sprawl out as much as the couch would allow.

"Perhaps we should get you in something a little more appropriate before James arrives," Julia suggested.

Lily looked down at herself. "He likes my dress, though… why, what's wrong with me?"

Julia laughed, gesturing toward the fact that the hem of Lily's dress was hitched up over her hips, exposing her knickers and her long, pale legs. "I thought James was a leg bloke," Lily mused.

Julia laughed and grabbed Lily's hand. "C'mon, I think some pajamas-"

"I don't have any lingerie-"

"_Lily Evans_!" Julia scoffed, laughing hysterically. "You are _not_ going to lose your virginity while you are pissed off your arse drunk. I told you not to drink that champagne; _James_ told you not to drink it."

"I was angry! It made me feel less angry… you don't think James would shag me, do you?"

Julia's eyes widened as they entered Lily's room. She didn't answer, merely helped Lily change clothes and then took her down stairs. "Jules?" Lily asked, her voice full of curiousness.

"No, he won't shag you, Lils. Not like you are," she laughed.

"What was it like?"

Julia blushed and twisted her fingers. "It um… well it hurt, at first… like… hurt a lot. But then it got easier, and better and… well… yeah, it was nice. Very nice."

"Nice doesn't seem like an effective enough adjective," Lily said observantly.

Julia chuckled. "No, it's not… but I'm rather lost for words at the moment. I think you drank them with your champagne."

Lily giggled uncontrollably, and then sighed, lying back against the pillows. Julia rolled her eyes. "Perhaps we should get you into bed. You look like you're about to pass out," she noted.

"But I'm waiting for James."

"Lily, James isn't going to want his first kiss with you to happen and you not be able to remember it the next day."

Lily giggled. "He'll want to kiss me no matter what."

"This is probably true, but-"

"I've been imagining it… kissing him, I mean," Lily said, rolling on her side and looking at Julia shyly.

"From some of the things you've said I think you've been imagining other things as well," Julia teased. "Lils… come on, let's go up to your bed. I'll send James up to tuck you in."

"No, I like it here… these pillows are amazing," Lily gushed, snuggling into one of the decorative pillows on the couch. "Seriously… my mum has amazing taste. Jules, lay your head on this… It's like sleeping on angel wings."

Julia laughed hysterically, trying to stop when she saw Sirius and James approaching the door out of the corner of her eye. "Lils, you are-"

"You oughta try this, Jules… they're- OH! James!" Lily shouted, jumping to her feet and throwing herself into James' arms. He caught her and swayed a bit with the sudden impact of her crashing into him.

"Woah," James murmured, an amused yet concerned grin crossing his face. "I thought I said the champagne wouldn't help your anxiety. How much did she have to drink?" James asked Julia, righting Lily on her feet and keeping his arm firmly around her waist.

Julia smirked, watching James fight a smile as Lily snuggled into him and nestled her face on his shoulder. Julia explained the encounter between Petunia and Lily to James, laughing when Lily angrily piped up and commented about how audacious the offer was.

"A maid… can you see it? Little black skirt, white apron… course you'd probably like that, wouldn't you, James?" Lily cooed, smirking as she walked close to him and bit her lip seductively.

James' eyes went wide; he coughed and composed himself, a sympathetic expression crossing his face before he told her she was better than that. Lily agreed, proudly declaring that she was a witch and should have hexed her sister instead of listened to her insults.

"No, that wouldn't have been good," James chuckled. "You are a witch… a witch who has had too much champagne," he noted, sweeping Lily off her feet and walking towards the stairs. He chuckled as Lily made a pleased little sound and stretched out dramatically in his arms.

He carried her upstairs, walking into her room and not bothering to turn on the light before setting her down on her bed. She swept her hair from her face and looked up at James, who had to control the screaming voice inside his head as he gently guided her down to her pillow and covered her up. She was looking at him with an intense amount of longing in her eyes… it made his blood pump fast through his veins.

"I wanted to dance with you," she murmured, leaning up on her elbow and moving her lips very close to his ear.

"The feeling is mutual," James said, leaning close to her and letting her nuzzle his cheek.

"We could dance now," she suggested.

"No music."

"You could sing… or hum…"

"I can't carry at tune," James laughed. "I'm tone deaf."

"I doubt that… you carried a tune just fine at the ball," whispered Lily.

James sighed, running his hands through her hair and lying her back against the pillow. He sat down next to her, smiling as she took his hand and placed it against her cheek, her own hand moving to tug at this shirt. "You need sleep, Lils…your eyes are heavy-"

"Bedroom eyes, James," she murmured with a shy smile. She snuggled into her pillow, leaning into his hand as he caressed her hair. "Aren't you going to ravish me? That's what typically happens in my dreams when you're in my room."

James felt his whole body heat up. He shifted and took a deep steadying breath, leaning very close to Lily's smirking face. "If I'm ever lucky enough to ravish you, as you so delicately put it, I want you fully sober," he reminded, smiling when she laughed and nodded in agreement.

Downstairs Julia was sitting on Sirius lap, listening idly to James' and Lily's conversation as it drifted down stairs. "I am impressed with his self control," Julia noted.

Sirius laughed. "If that were any other girl, a year or two ago Prongs would have thought 'well, all right then' and gone for it… even though he carried a torch for Lily, he would have gone for it. But ever since she started to acknowledge that torch, he's … well he's changed a bit."

"You sound unnerved by that," Julia noted.

Sirius shook his head. "Not unnerved… it's odd to see us going in different directions. We've always been on the same path."

Julia quirked an eyebrow. "How are you going in different directions?"

Sirius shrugged. "Prongs is much more mature than I am, much nobler. You know me, Jules… I'm a scoundrel… I'm always going to be playing pranks or thinking of mischief. James thinks about the bigger picture now… I still just think about my own," he explained, looking away from her.

Julia smirked and took his face in her hands, pulling his gaze back to her own. "Well, I happen to like scoundrels. You are much nobler than you give yourself credit for, and your gaze at the world is selective – you see the important things, and just let the rest go."

Sirius smirked. "You see the important things."

"Of course I do. Why do you think I'm looking at you right now?" asked Julia, leaning forward to kiss his forehead softly.


	9. Sept 1 1977  Welcome Back, Potter

_A little taste for my Remus and Sam lovers._

* * *

September 1st, 1977

Welcome Back, Potter.

"Gah!" Sam muttered, tripping over her feet and trying to right herself. As she stumbled, Remus moved forward and his broad hands were suddenly around her waist, holding her steady against his extremely warm body before helping her stand upright again. "Julia! Jul… ooohhh, that girl," she growled, her cheeks flushing attractively as she stared after her friend who was now escorting Peter quickly away from where she and Remus were standing.

"She's very forceful at times," Remus mused, running his hand through his hair and trying not to look nervous. His pulse was racing, the blood pounding in his head as he released Sam when her balance had returned. She made an irritated noise, then swung her shoulder length hair over her shoulder to turn and look at him. Remus swallowed. He'd forgotten over the summer how pretty her blue eyes were against the contrast of her dark hair.

"Thanks for catching me," she smiled, turning to face him and stepping closer.

"Oh… erm… n-no problem, I suppose," Remus shrugged, ruffling his hair again.

"You're very quick," she continued.

"Not always."

"Oh, now… I don't believe that," Sam said, stepping very close to Remus. She was noticibly shorter than he was, her nose level with his chin, forehead with his lips. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

Remus chuckled, ruffling his hair again. His breath hitched when she reached up and tousled it with her slender fingers, catching his hand and placing hers inside it. "I've always liked your hair," she said quietly.

"I've always liked yours," Remus replied, unable to stop himself. "It's… it's longer than it was last year."

"I've been trying to grow it out," she mused. "Did you like it shorter?"

"Um… no? No, it was nice but… I like it now."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked, fixing her blue eyes on his as she placed his hand against her cheek, his fingers nestled into her hair. Remus swallowed again, letting the soft strands slide through his fingers as she leaned into his palm.

"Yes, I'm sure," he replied. "It's very nice… like this."

Sam smiled, looking immensely pleased. Remus was torn between thinking she was the most adorable thing he'd ever seen and finding her incredibly sexy; He suddenly became overwhelmed by the urge to kiss her, but then fought it down when he remembered the scar that ended at the corner of his mouth.

"I suppose I should thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," Remus protested with a laugh. "I didn't do any-"

"If you hadn't have caught me, I could have fallen and broken my hip," Sam said with wide eyes.

Remus laughed. "I highly doubt your hips are that weak."

"Have you been looking at them?"

Remus' laugh faded and his face flooded with color. "Um…er-"

"Because it's all right if you have," she whispered. Remus chuckled, looking incredibly nervous as he stared down at her mischevious expression. "Either way… you saved me from major injury, or minor sprain. I owe you a thank you."

"If you insist," Remus said, feeling himself shake slightly as she moved close.

Sam stood up on her tip toes and pressed her lips lightly against Remus' cheek, right at the tip of his scar, at the corner of his mouth. She lingered there for a long time, her breath against his cheek and the faint smell of her perfume overwhelming his senses. Remus longed to turn, but his rejection instinct made him freeze on the spot. He saw Sam smirk slightly as she moved her lips to his ear.

"Thanks for catching me, Remus," she whispered. "I'll be around if you want to do it again."

She kissed his cheek softly again, and then gave him a wink before waltzing off in the opposite direction. Remus felt the butterflies riot in his stomach, but smiled to himself as part of his mind imagined various ways he could catch Samantha Pitchfield.

James smiled at the door to Lily's room before walking across the hall to his own. It had been approximately three hours since they'd arrived back at Hogwarts, and already Sirius was in James' trunk searching for something.

"You know none of my shirts fit you," James said, idly examining his four-poster bed and trying to decide where to place his personal items. "My arms are longer than yours."

"And I have better fashion sense than you do," Sirius mumbled before pulling out a record player and radio that James had taken from his parents house. "This is what I was after…and these," he explained, pulling out a few albums he and James had purchased over the summer. "These will add a bit of atmosphere to our annual Welcome Back to Hogwarts festivities, am I right?"

James grinned broadly. "Hell yes they will! Good to know you're going to be with us; I figured you would be shagging Julia-"

"Oh, she's coming with us by the by," added Sirius as he shoved a few of James' shirts back into his trunk. "But not until later."

"_Aggghhh_," James groaned dramatically. "_No_, it's _boys'_ night! It's the last time we'll ever have to get drunk on the first night before our first lessons of our last year!"

Sirius laughed. "I have no idea what you just said right there, my man, but Julia's coming out," he said simply. "If Lily would fess up to the fact that she wishes to shag you senseless, you'd have her coming out as well."

Sirius gave James a look, to which he nodded acquiescingly before turning over to examine his empty wardrobe. Peter came in just then, sniggering uncontrollably before walking over and sitting down on James' bed.

"What's funny?" asked Sirius suspiciously.

"Your girlfriend is funny," Peter said. "She was talking with Pitchfield – who by the way has it bad for Moony, poor bloke – and-"

"'_Poor bloke_?'" laughed James. "Why's that? Pitchfield is just his type, and she's attractive to boot."

"Well, I only meant that… well… it's not like he can-"

"Why can't he?" James asked. "There's no reason he can't go out with her."

Peter shrugged. "Try telling him that. Anyways, Julia was talking with Sam when Moony and I walked by and she starts going '_Oh, hey it's Remus Lupin! Look Sam, it's Remus Lupin! We were just talking about you Remus, weren't we Sam?_' and all this… then she tripped her and Sam fell right into Remus' arms. I don't know what happened after that because I moved out of the way so Moony could catch her, and Julia just grabbed me and drug me off," he said, sniggering again.

James chuckled slightly. "Why doesn't she do that with Lily?"

"Because _Lily_ did that to her," Sirius laughed. "Remember the mistletoe?"

James grimaced but laughed anyway. "Yeah, I remember. I remember I saw more of your tongue in her mouth than I ever want to witness again… so try to keep it reined in tonight, all right mate?"

Peter looked confused but Sirius just laughed. They heard footsteps coming up the stairs and Remus wandered in, looking red-faced and sheepish, but rather pleased with himself. "_Moo-oony_! You look like you just got done groping a certain bird… a certain Ravenclaw bird? Am I right?" asked Sirius with a wink.

*~*~*~*~*SJLJRS*~*~*~*~*

"And what did Sam do?" Lily was asking Julia, an overly excited look on her face.

"Now hang on just one second," said Julia with a stern expression. "You're going to go off on this tangent that Remus should go out with Sam because we all _know_ he fancies her as well - he gets so nervous and red faced around her, but never does anything about it, it's rather sweet actually… but then you're going to tell me that you shouldn't do anything about your enormous crush on James and that's-"

"It's not an _enormous_ crush," Lily replied with a chuckle.

"But it's a crush."

"Not exact-"

"_Lily Evans_… don't you _dare_ try to tell me-"

"Oh, _fine_… yes, I have a crush on James Potter, all right? Are you happy now?" asked Lily, rolling her eyes.

"Actually, no… I'm not," huffed Julia.

"What? _Why_?"

"Because you should be _kissing_ him right now and telling _him_ how big of a crush you have on him, not sitting here talking to me about it."

"Oh please," Lily replied. "First off, you do realize that the thought of kissing him makes my stomach do flips because I have _no idea_ what the _hell_ I'm doing… and secondly, _you_ should be walking on clouds instead of worrying about my lack of a love life! How many times did you and Sirius shag on the train?"

"Once," said Julia honestly.

"_Once_?" Lily replied skeptically. "That was an awfully long –"

"Sirius likes foreplay," Julia replied mischievously, idly examining her nails. "Do you want to know what foreplay is?"

"I'm not sure my innocent eyes, or ears, could handle your foreplay stories," Lily replied darkly. Julia laughed and rolled her eyes before stretching out on Lily's bed, her long blonde hair fanning around her. Lily sighed and leaned back against her pillows, smiling happily at her friend's peaceful expression. "I'm happy you went for it."

"I am too… I'm happy that Sirius decided to show me he was a dog," she laughed along with Lily. "Had he not done that I probably wouldn't have told him everything."

"You told him _everything_?"

"_Everything_."

Lily nodded, chewing her lip. "How'd he react?"

"Like you did… he thinks what you think."

"Does that change-"

"It is still That Of Which We Do Not Speak, Lils," Julia said simply. "I'm happy though, and you _were_ right. I shouldn't have let that stop me from going after things I want."

Lily smirked and fixed her eyes on Julia's sheepish expression. "How'd that taste coming out of your mouth?"

"Like spoiled pumpkin juice," she replied. "But you were right."

"Hmm… I'll remember that then."

"You'll remember I'm right too… about _you…_ and your giant crush on James Potter."

"It's not a giant crush-"

"Oh, _stop_ _it_ Lily," Julia laughed. "You told him you'd been imagining him naked!"

"I was only teasing him," Lily replied. "Though, it's not a bad image if you think about it."

Julia sat up suddenly, fluffing her hair and toeing on her trainers. "That's it… you are coming with me."

"What? Where are we going?"

"Those boys are out there right now in that shack, drinking and doing _boy_ things. And Sirius wanted me to come out there and join them," she explained.

"_Oooh hoo_ no," said Lily cautiously. "I am not sneaking out on the ground this late at night. Besides… let them drink and do… _boy_ things… whatever it is the four of them do. I'm surprised he told you about it."

"He didn't even want to go," explained Julia. "He _wanted_ to stay behind with me but he didn't want to disappoint James."

"_And_ he wanted another shag," muttered Lily.

"Probably, but I've no complaints about that," Julia laughed.

"Merlin's beard," Lily chuckled. "_Nympho_."

Julia turned and gave Lily a seductive glare. "It's not my fault I'm a fantastic shag," she teased, watching Lily laugh loudly. "Trust me… you might have no idea what to do while kissing someone, let alone anything else, but _trust me_… when you get there, you're going to want to do it all the time."

Lily scoffed. "I dunno… I'm quite shy about-"

"The shyness goes away," Julia insisted. "Besides, there's nothing better than to have someone want you that badly. And it's not just the physical part; it's the cuddling, and the way your skin feels against someone else's and…" Julia's eyes widened and she smiled coyly as her cheeks flushed with color. "We're going… you're coming with me."

Lily giggled uncontrollably. "You should see your face. I'm not sure I want to see you when you get a hold of Sirius with that look in your eyes."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I'm not sure my fragile innocence could handle what you look like you want to do with him."

Julia laughed. "You're just jealous."

"Of him, yes… I wanted you all for myself," Lily teased.

"Oh, Lily… you know you'll always be my first love," Julia sighed, rushing over to Lily's side and tackling her. "We've been together so long, and we've been through so much… I do love you, but I have physical needs which you just cannot satisfy."

"How do you know? I could be a fantastic shag," said Lily, watching Julia's eyes widen with laughter.

"I bet you are a fantastic shag," whispered Julia. "I think we should go see _James_ and let _him_ find out what kind of a shag you are."

"He's with his friends," grimaced Lily. "I don't want to-"

"You are coming with me, whether you-"

A loud tap echoed against the glass of Lily's window, causing both the girls to jump and hug each other tightly. "Oh, it's just Daisy," Lily breathed finally after a few seconds, jumping up and moving to let her owl inside. Daisy rubbed her head against' Lily's hair as she took the note from her beak and gave it a curious glance. "It's for you."

"For me?" Julia asked, taking the note and unfolding it. Lily watched Julia's blue eyes scan the paper, watching curiously as she laughed and shook her head. "Come on, I'm supposed to bring James his invisibility cloak, and you are coming with me out there."

"I'm sure that they would rather it just be-"

"No, Sirius has asked _you_ to come and talk some sense into Remus… and he mentioned James is very, very intoxicated, apparently; he thinks you'll find it amusing," Julia explained, tugging on Lily's arm.

*~*~*~*~*SJLJRS*~*~*~*~*

"How'd you suddenly get into mmm-mmm-muggle music?" Peter asked in a curious and slurred voice as he slumped over his favorite broken chair. "How'd your dad get into it?"

James shrugged, taking another drink from the bottle of Firewhiskey he'd claimed for himself and grinning at Peter. "My dads always been into muggle things… we've always listened to the radio, but I just started paying attention to it," he explained. "I was bored… so I started paying attention…"

"He pays attention because he's hoping to hear something Lily likes," Sirius muttered quietly.

"That too!" James exclaimed with a laugh. "That… that would be an added bonus to my musical curiosity. I want to be cluttered… cultiv… cultured and intellgnecey… intella… _intelligent_."

"You _sound_ intelligent," Remus sniggered.

"Fuck you Moony," James laughed. "Why are you even here? You could be off shagging Pitchfield… she threw herself at you-"

"Actually Julia threw her at him," Sirius chuckled.

"Whatever… the point is," James said, rolling his head around to look at Remus, whose eyelids looked heavy and cheeks flushed with color. "The point is… thepoint… _point_… I don't know if I had a point. But she's fit… fucking _fit,_ and smart too… only Ravenclaw bird that actually uses her brains, if you ask me."

"Ravenclaw… a raven is a bird… ravenclaw bird," Peter sniggered suddenly, rolling onto his side to take another drink of his glass of Firewhiskey.

"I don't know what I'm doing!" Remus protested. "I don't… I'd probably scare her off…"

"You _are_ kind of scary looking," Sirius teased.

"Hey now… come on, Moonyss... Moony is an all right looking bloke," James defended. "You've got that whole… I'm A Good Boy But I Look _Bad_ thing going… HEY! You know," he said, suddenly full of energy, "you know…you should get some leath_… leather!_ Sirius wants a bike and you should get some leather. She'd dig that… her knickers would probably fall off and you wouldn't have to do any work even!"

Remus seemed to consider this option through the bottom of his bottle of mead while Sirius laughed uncontrollably. "If it's that easy, Prongs, why don't you get some leather and just hang out by Evans' room?"

James shook his head. "Lily isn't a leather girl… I think she's a music girl."

"Maybe you should sing to her," suggested Peter thickly while Sirius laughed again.

"There was that one song," James murmured, vaguely reaching for the albums that were lying next to him. "Claffon… clappon… clap..."

"Clapton?" Sirius offered. "Derek and the Dominos is the band that sings that song."

"Yeah…" James slurred. "Here it is," he muttered, pointing vaguely at the album cover. "Laylay… Layla… _LAYLA! You've got me on my knees, Layla_…"

"That _could_ be Lily," Remus said thoughtfully. "If you drew out the i long enough… Liiiily… " he muttered, then dropped his voice to a whisper. "Saam… Sa-man-tha…"

Sirius laughed uncontrollably as Remus vaguely waved his middle finger in his direction.

"_I'm beggin' darlin' please_!" James crooned in a deep voice, his head falling back as he sprawled out on the arm chair, his legs dangling over one side as his head and shoulders laid over the other.

"Speaking of darling," Sirius muttered to himself, "where _is_ my girlfriend?"

"_You_ have a _girlfriend_," James laughed. "Padfoot… the self-proclaimed eternal bachelor is the first one of the Marauders to get a _real_ girlfriend."

Sirius grinned and leaned back against the bed he was sitting by. "What can I say? My charm is un-resistible."

"You mean irristable… irresistible," Remus corrected through his laughter.

"Whatever… the point is-"

"Irresistible my arse," James chuckled. "Tottleham is irresistible. You can't keep your fucking hands off her… bunnies…"

"Her bunnies?" Sirius laughed curiously. "What exactly are her bunnies?"

"No, I mean… girls have … not a bunny it's a… it's a _kitty, _if we're being polite… but you two are _like_ bunnies," James advised.

"Can you blame me?" Sirius laughed. "She's a fox; we've been saying it for years."

"I'm not denying it," said James, suddenly letting out a great heaving sigh. "What _is it_ with the girls that Lily hangs around with? They're _all_ attractive."

"Birds of a feather… flock…" Peter suggested sagely. Sirius looked over just in time to see him pass out and roll off the chair. He slid a pillow underneath his head to soften the fall.

"Never takes him much does it," James murmured thoughtfully.

"Unlike Moony here who burns it off so quick you never really get drunk," Sirius observed.

"Unlike you, who's usually the most intoxicated of all of us, but now that you've got a bird you're trying to be all… mature and… shit," Remus muttered.

"Moony said shit," James laughed hysterically. "He _is _drunk! He's actually drunk!"

"Kettle is calling the cauldron black, Prongs old boy," Sirius laughed.

James sighed heavily again. "Oh God… we're back aren't we?" he mused. "We're back and I'm head boy and I'm drunk and Lily lives across the hall from me now… and she's so _fucking_ gorgeous. She's so incredibly fit… her hair and the way she smells, God… maybe I can make my door transparent and just… catch her in her little nightie or her towel when she goes to the shower…"

"She has a shower in her room, Prongs," Remus pointed out.

"Oh… yeah… way to ruin my dreams, Moony," James grumbled. The song on the radio changed and James' foot began to tap along with the beat of it. "I know this one… _people talk about me, babe… they tell me I'm doin' you wrong, doin' you wrong_…"

Sirius chuckled as James' low voice mumbled the words to the song and Remus slowly nodded his head along with the beat. A movement by the door caught his eye, and Sirius stood up and slowly walked to the door to the room they were occupying.

"This place is _creepy_!" Julia whispered when he stuck his head around the door.

"Well, hi," he grinned. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked, looking at Julia who was standing beside Lily.

"Long enough to hear James sing a bit, and talk about how you were the self-proclaimed eternal bachelor of the group," Julia teased.

Sirius grinned, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her close. He kissed her soundly, ignoring Lily's giggle and awkward shuffle away from them. "Not so fast, Evans," he said through the kiss, grinning when Julia laughed. "I think you should come in here, you'll find the atmosphere much more amusing."

Lily blushed, biting her lip as she listened to James' voice sing the song that was playing over the radio. Sirius tugged on Julia's hand and pulled her inside, watching over his shoulder as Lily slowly followed.

"Moony, Prongs! We have company," he said jovially, assuming a seat on the broken bed frame and mattress before pulling Julia onto his lap.

"… _really love your peaches wanna shake_… wha!" James stammered, his eyes falling on Lily's slender figure in her cloak just before he fell clumsily off his chair. Remus and Sirius erupted in mirthless laughter as Lily walked quickly over to James.

He jumped to his feet, raking his fingers roughly though his hair and adjusting his clothing. "Hey… hi… hey… wotcher, Lils? How… hey… you um… you want a drink?"

"No, I'm all right," Lily said, trying not to laugh. James was trying his hardest to appear sober and controlled, his back straight and his posture tall as he leaned into the chair. Every time he shifted his weight, Lily could see him sway and lean against the chair for support until his balance came under control. Her eyes fell on the bottle of Firewhiskey in James' hand. "Oh, James… you are going to be a wreck tomorrow."

"What?" asked James, suddenly concerned. He raked his fingers through his hair again and looked over his clothing, trying his hardest not to stumble as he moved around the chair closer to her. "Oh, this?" he asked, holding up the bottle of Firewhiskey which was three-quarters of the way empty. "Oh… that's… well… Moony and Padfoot… and Wormtail before he passed out… they were helping-"

"You liar," Remus laughed. "You drank that whole thing yourself… alcoholic," he teased.

"I'm not, no I'm not… shut up Moony," James grumbled. His eyes turned to Lily, concerned and pleading with her as she chewed her lip with a worried expression. "I'm not at all, I'm not an alcoholic, I swa… swear… this is-"

"It's a thing you guys have done every year, I know," Lily laughed. "You aren't an alcoholic, James… but do have a seat, you are worrying me with your standing."

James chuckled and sat down, his hands running through his hair again. He looked up at Lily, all five feet five inches of her; his heart began to beat very fast in his chest and he cleared his throat. Lily heard this and bent down to look at him closely. "Are you all right?" she asked. "Maybe you guys should head back to the-"

"No, not yet," said Julia randomly. "We just got here."

"I thought you said this-"

Sirius' thought was cut off when Julia kissed him suddenly, shushing his observation and making vague gestures in Lily and James' direction. Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Rabbits…"

"I said bunnies earlier," James laughed. "But Sirius thought I was talking… well… er-"

"His exact quote was '_you can't keep your fucking hands off her' _and then he paused, then he said '_bunnies_,'" Sirius explained with a laugh. Julia sniggered uncontrollably in his arms. "Which made me think he was talking about-"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Yes… I get the picture," she said with a giggle. "You don't need to explain."

"Yeah," Julia sniggered. "Lily also has bunnies, she sees them every day in the mirror."

Lily laughed, though she tried valiantly to look offended. James looked quizzically at her. "I thought you liked cats…"

Sirius roared with laughter. "Let's hope not for your sake, Prongs…"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake," Lily muttered, her face flushing with color. "It didn't take long for this conversation to turn south."

"Yeah," said James in agreement. "You two and your… bunny attitudes… we're trying to keep it classy in here."

"Classy as in three-quarters of a bottle of firewhiskey classy?" Sirius chuckled. "Or classy like '_Lily is right across the hall from me and she's so fucking fit'_ classy?"

Lily blushed and watched as James sputtered defensively. "I didn't… well … I _did_… but I…I'm sorry?"

"Why are you apologizing?" asked Lily, ruffling his hair. "I've had worse things said about me."

"It's was a compliment… you are… you're beautiful," said James, looking up at her again. "Here… you sit. I'll stand… you should sit."

"No, James… I don't think you _can_ stand," Lily said, gently pushing him back into the chair.

"I can… I'll be-"

"No, love… just sit, it's better-"

"You called me '_love_!'"

"James," Lily laughed, feeling her cheeks redden again. "Sit down."

"But you look so uncomfortable standing… here, I'll make room," he offered, angling himself into an awkward position in the chair. "Sit… please… I insist."

Lily sighed and sat down, part of her feeling enormously pleased when James placed his arm around her shoulders and snuggled against her. He set the bottle of Firewhiskey down and placed his other hand on her leg for a moment, then pulled it off with a start and rested it against the chair. "Sorry… I won't be aggressive… I promise."

Lily laughed gently, shifting to allow James to snuggle against her shoulder. "You're fine," she murmured, listening to him sigh contentedly as he began to play with her hair.

"So, Evans," Sirius began, pausing his thought to kiss Julia quickly on her cheek, "got any advice for Moony on how he can woo Sam Pitchfield into his large and capable arms?"

"He doesn't need to woo her," Julia muttered. "I put her there earlier this evening. What happened after I left with Pete?"

Remus chewed his lip and traced the opening of his mead bottle with his thumb. "Um… she thanked me, said I was… quick… and then she kissed me-"

"SHE KISSED YOU?" four voices instantly responded.

"On the cheek! Let me finish… Merlin… " Remus stammered, crouching down lower in the chair. "She kissed me on the cheek… she said it was to thank me. And then she said something about… I could catch … no, she'd be around later if I wanted to catch her again."

"Which you do," Lily replied matter-of-factly.

"She said I saved her from breaking a hip, and when I said I didn't think her hips would be that weak she asked me if I'd been looking at them," Remus added, looking at Lily curiously.

"Which you have been," James sniggered.

"I have-"

"Oh, come off it Moony," James continued with a laugh. "You'd never say anything but every time she walks by you stare at her arse so hard-"

"The only time you'd notice this is when she's walking with Lily since you're staring so hard at _her_ arse," Remus interjected with a wicked smile.

Lily chewed her lip and blushed while James threw Remus a murderous look before breathing deeply. He turned to Lily with apologetic and slightly pleading eyes. "I … he's just joking, I was only joking with him and-"

"Liar," Lily smirked, her eyes full of mischeviousness.

Julia laughed, the sound muffled by Sirius' lips as he kissed her. "You are a horrible, horrible, horrible tease Lily Evans."

"And James is a horrible liar," Lily replied, still smirking with her eyes fixed on James' amused and shocked face.

"I am not," James replied in an offended voice. "I can-"

"You want to be a good liar?" asked Lily honestly.

James swallowed. "No… but I … don't want to offend you?"

"She's not offended," Julia interjected, watching Lily blush and smirk again. "She's flattered."

James looked at Julia, and then back at Lily, with a fiercely hopeful expression. "Would it flatter you to know that I stare at-"

Lily cleared her throat. "I think we should go back to the castle," she murmured. "It's very late now and-"

"Yes, lets," said Sirius, his voice muffled against Julia's neck. "Castle… back there… yes…"

Lily blushed as James' eyes followed her while she stood from the chair, reaching down to pull Remus to his feet before helping him up. Julia and Sirius kissed fiercely for a moment before the latter stood and attempted to shake Peter into consciousness. "Oi… Wormtail?" he asked, but when Peter only murmured a reply, Sirius shrugged and cast a locomotor charm on him, guiding him to the door.

James cleared his throat, taking wobbly steps toward where Lily was standing. He leaned close to her and smirked. "Compliment or not, I promised you I wouldn't be aggressive anymore tonight," he murmured before stumbling slightly. Lily grinned and snuck under his arm, supporting him as Remus sniggered and followed them out the door.

"Well, if you're walking along side me you can't stare at my arse," she replied, listening to him chuckle lightly. "So let's try this for the time being."

Sirius and Julia walked beside Peter's unconscious figure, talking animatedly while Lily supported James and walked along side Remus as they headed back towards the castle. Lily found herself blushing furiously, but also immensely pleased by the way James' arm rested around her waist. As they came closer to the castle, talking lightly the entire way, James began desperately trying to appear sober.

"I'm fine, I am," he assured Lily as he leaned into her for support.

"I know you are, James," Lily chuckled. "But you're also warm and it's chilly, so let's just stay close."

James grinned, his eyes alight with some emotion Lily didn't recognize, but it made her feel warm on the inside and smile as his long fingers began playing with her hair softly. "I like being close," he said very quietly as they walked through the castle gates.

"Lily?" Remus asked quietly when they reached the stairs to Gryffindor tower.

"Yes, Remus?"

"Does… how do you know if a girl fancies you?"

Lily smiled and giggled quietly. "Sam fancies you, Remus," she advised before muttering the password to the Fat Lady and helping James inside. Remus followed, shutting the door behind him and flushing with color as a pleased smile crossed his lips. "She's fancied you since third year."

Remus nodded, glancing at James who was leaning against Lily for support and very obviously sniffing her hair. He chuckled. "All right…" he replied, a concerned expression crossing his face.

"Remus, '_all right'_ what? All right she fancies you or… what?" asked Lily curiously.

Remus blushed, shaking his head. "I need to sleep… I can't think when I've had this much to drink," he confessed before muttering good night and heading up the stairs to his dormitory.

Lily sighed, and then stumbled as James leaned too heavily into her. He righted himself instantly and held onto her waist. "Sorry, sorry… I … lost my balance… I was trying to hear what Moony was saying… sorry about that, Lils."

Lily laughed and shook her head. "All right, Potter… come on, up you go," she said, pulling his arm around her shoulders and walking with him up the stairs.

"Potter? You haven't called me Potter in a while," he said in a disappointed voice.

"I was only trying to be authoritative so you'd listen to me," she reassured him as they pushed open the door to his bedroom. She walked with him to his bed, grinning as he plopped down and let out a relieved sigh.

"You needn't be authoritative," said James, his deep voice full of unwavering sincerity. "I'd listen to anything you said. I'd do anything you ask."

Lily blushed and smiled at him. "James … you're drunk."

"Not that drunk."

"You were singing," she pointed out.

"Did you like it?"

Lily laughed. "You have a very soothing voice. I liked the song."

"I listened to the radio all summer… I thought about you while I listened to it," he said, taking her hands and pulling her close.

"James, you should rest," she suggested, squeezing his fingers. He released on of her hands, and Lily lifted and ran her fingers through his hair.

James audibly moaned, leaning his head into her hand as she gently scratched at his scalp. "_God_…that feels good," he confessed. "Will you stay with me for a bit? I don't… I won't be aggressive, Lils, I promise... I just want you to stay with me for a bit. I just want… I just want to hug you."

Lily chewed her lip, nodding and allowing James to pull her down onto his lap. She coaxed him onto his pillows and let him lay his head on her stomach. She played with his hair with one hand, the other wresting against his arm that was wrapped around her waist. She felt her cheeks color and was incredibly pleased when James kissed the back of her hand and then began to kiss along the inside of her forearm.

"That kind of tickles," she confessed.

"I'm a good kisser," he mumbled, kissing the palm of her hand and nibbling on one of her fingers before looking up into her face. "I am - I mean… I've never kissed myself or anything, but I really enjoy kissing so I'm probably pretty good at it."

Lily laughed. "Is it possible to kiss yourself?"

"I'm not sure," James confessed.

"If it is I'll have to figure out how so I can get some practice."

"You can practice on me," he offered quietly.

"You are drunk, James."

"I seem to remember you asking me to kiss you-"

"And you didn't, remember?" she pointed out. "If I was going to kiss you, I'd want you to remember it."

James sat up. "Oh I'd remember; trust me, I'd remember."

Lily smiled shyly and chewed her lip. "You are so very, very drunk James."

"I'm sobering up quickly," he noted.

Lily sighed. "I should go…"

"You said you'd sit with me," James protested. "I'm sorry… I… I didn't mean to be aggressive. I wasn't trying- do you want me to sing? I'll sing if you stay…"

Lily couldn't help but laugh, biting her lip when James frowned. "I'm not laughing at you, James. You don't have to sing to get me to stay… just… lie down, all right?"

James obeyed, flopping back down onto Lily's lap as she resumed stroking his hair. He was quiet for a few moments, and Lily assumed he had fallen asleep so she disentangled his arms from around her waist and moved quietly toward the door.

"Lily?"

She paused, biting her lip and turning over her shoulder. "Yes, James?"

"If you want to practice kissing anyone… I'm a good teacher," he said with a roguish smirk.

She smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Lils?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Lily sighed, feeling incredibly happy and devastatingly sad all at once. "Good night, James," she whispered before shutting the door behind her.


	10. Sweetness

_A/N - Short and sweet... I applied for a job this week, and thus spent a lot of time dressing up and being well behaved =). I should have a new chapter of BTF up by Wednesday._

* * *

December 1st, 1977  
Sweetness

* * *

"I cannot _believe_ that James didn't let something spill," Julia muttered bitterly. She felt Sirius laugh against her stomach, his lips pressing to her belly button before he looked up at her.

"You're still upset about that?" he teased. "It's been almost three months now."

"I'm not upset! I'm just so shocked that neither of them spilled," she replied defensively. "Lily I can see holding something like that in because she just does that. But James… he brags about _everything_ usually. I'm guessing he's been telling you all the stuff they get up to …"

Julia trailed off, glancing at him innocently out of the corner of her eye. Sirius smirked wickedly. "He hasn't told me a thing."

"Liar."

"Honest! Completely honest," he replied, kissing her stomach again. "You definitely know more than I know. Unless you count how he told me about her attacking him when he came back from lessons one day."

"She _what_?" Julia asked scandalously.

"He walked into his room and was setting down his stuff when she ran across the hall and jumped him," Sirius laughed. "Knocked him flat on his arse, he said."

Julia sniggered in response. "I knew once she got over whatever mental block she had that she'd be all over him. I take it he's thoroughly enjoying himself."

Sirius chuckled and rolled on his back. "He's having a hard time controlling himself," he explained, sniggering and shaking his head.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that he's probably sneaking off from lunch early everyday to have a wank before has to focus on anything," he laughed. "He gets riled up so easily…he'd spontaneously combust if he didn't do that."

Julia scoffed. "I doubt Lily is doing anything _that_ provocative."

"Yes, but let us not forget that Prongs has been fantasizing about her for years… _years_!" he emphasized. "All _kinds_ of dirty little things. Things that would probably make _you_ blush," he teased.

"_Nothing_ makes me blush."

"Liar."

"Not anymore at least," She giggled, squirming when Sirius sat up and playfully pushed her knees apart. "Stop that!"

"I thought you said you didn't blush anymore," he laughed, kissing her kneecap before crawling back over top of her. "Your cheeks are red."

"You are evil," she growled playfully. "_Black_…just like your soul."

Sirius made a face. "I'll show you what black is," he teased, kissing her fiercely as his hips pressed against hers. Julia sighed pleasurably, fisting her fingers into his hair and holding him close. "I'll stay here and please you until you _black_ out."

J&L * S&J * R&S

Lily was kissing him slowly… _tortuously_. James' hands were locked in her hair as she pressed him back against his pillows. She shifted against him, causing him to groan loudly and press his hips back against hers. Lily sighed and it caused him to shudder. The sound of her _sighing_ caused him to shudder uncontrollably. _I'm hopeless_, James thought. _Completely hopeless_…

"You're not hopeless," Lily murmured against his lips. "I think you're fantastic."

James groaned, his eyes squeezing shut as Lily began to kiss his neck. "I didn't mean to say that out loud…" he murmured against her lips.

She smiled, kissing him again. "You do that a lot… I think it's amazing."

"I think you're trying to kill me…" James murmured back in a teasing voice, inhaling sharply when she kissed his throbbing pulse point, her lips slowly moving towards his ear.

"_Never_," Lily giggled, nipping his earlobe the way he did hers, causing him to quiver and clutch her tighter against him. "I love you too much; I want to keep you around forever."

James' voice broke a little as he let out a soulful, embarrassing moan when she rocked herself against his hips and pulled his hands out of her hair. She placed them on her waist before leaning forward and kissing him softly. His breath was shaky, his hands holding onto her hips for dear life. "You keep saying stuff like that, and I'm going to take you up on it," he threatened playfully.

"Please do," she replied in a breathy voice, her mouth crashing against his as James' voice cracked in his throat. She let out a shuddering sigh when James' hands moved over her hips to her thighs, clutching them tightly as she breathed against his lips. "_Please_ take me up on it."

James murmured something she couldn't understand, sitting up abruptly and laying her back against the mattress. Lily felt her heart race, adrenaline pumping hard through her veins as nervousness fought with desire. She wanted him to do something, _anything_… she couldn't put a name on it. There was a horrible, yet wonderful, ache inside of her stomach; and each time James slid his hands over her thighs it intensified. When he kissed her neck it rose sharply, when he rocked against her it seemed to burst through her skin…

And when he tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her hungrily, it quivered uncontrollably… craving more, though _he_ seemed completely happy to stay put. Happy to keep kissing her, pressing his hips against hers, and cradling her against him like she was something precious…

"I love you _so much_, Lily," James breathed, kissing her again with a moan. "I love kissing you and touching you… I love you so much…"

Lily sighed, her heart fluttering wildly out of control at his words. His hands stayed put in her hair, his body close to hers as they kissed fiercely. The ache intensified, but her heart was satisfied by his words and touches…

She had everything she'd ever wanted, how could she ask for more?

J&L * S&J * R&S

Sirius was somewhere, kissing Julia… or doing other things with Julia. James was with Lily. James was _always_ with Lily now, which made Remus smile even though he felt a little jealous. Once again, James and Sirius had things that he, Remus, never would have. Effortless intelligence, endless charisma, _lives_…

Love…

At least with those two pre-occupied, Remus could easily convince Peter that it was necessary for him to go to the library and seclude himself to study. N.E.W.T's were already hell, and it was only the beginning of December. He needed to buckle down to earn the marks that would ensure someone would take him seriously as he applied for work.

"_Dammit_," a quiet voice murmured from around the corner where Remus was sitting. He recognized it instantly, but was not used to it sounding so frustrated.

There was a quiet crack, a small explosion, then the sound of a chair falling over. The voice growled angrily. "Bloody fucking… _ugh_!"

"Sam?" Remus called quietly, peeking around the corner to see Sam lying on the floor upside down in her chair. The mature part of him wanted to appear strong and sympathetic, the still boyish part of him simply wanted to laugh. Unfortunately, the boyish side won out.

"Thank you _so_ much," she grumbled. Smoke was fading, and in its place were the charred remnants of what appeared to be a doll of some sort. The table was scorched, and Sam's hands were blackened as they lay uselessly at her sides. She frowned and stared up at the ceiling, silently praying that Remus would simply walk away, but knowing that he was too good to do any such thing.

"It's a shame I wasn't a few minutes earlier," he mused from close to her. Sam opened her eyes to see him reaching out a hand to help her up. She took it, trying to appear like a composed responsible woman rather than an embarrassed bundle of nerves. "I could have saved you from your fall."

"Yes," Sam replied, smiling as Remus helped her to her feet and then picked up the chair. "Your skills would have been useful."

"What are you doing?"

Sam sighed. "Defense Against the Dark Arts," she explained, gesturing toward her text book. "That damn cloaking defense skill… I just can't get it."

"You got it fine the other day," he said, sitting down and gesturing for her to do the same.

"Only because James was helping me," she frowned. "How can you stand him?"

Remus paused, looking confused. "I didn't know you –"

"No, I like James… that came out wrong," she replied. "I meant, how can you stand to be around him and Sirius when they pick up everything so damn easy?"

"It does get a bit annoying at times," Remus chuckled. "But it's also incredibly handy, and they're very supportive, obviously."

Sam frowned. "Yes, this is true. I just hate not getting things right away," she explained, watching Remus smile knowingly.

"I'm sure you're fine," he replied. "Would you like some help? I was coming down to read up on my potions but-"

"Oh, I don't want to distract you," Sam sputtered, twisting her fingers nervously and pulling her hair behind her ears. She'd much rather have an encounter with Remus when she felt confident and sure of herself, not embarrassed and incapable of performing simple defensive spells.

"It's not a distraction, Sam," Remus smiled. "I need to work on it anyway."

Sam nodded, smiling in what she hoped was a confidant manner as Remus began asking her questions on the theory behind the spell. She answered them, having memorized the text, but she didn't really grasp what she was saying. She didn't even really grasp what Remus was saying. He was distracting… everything about him was distracting. His hair was in his eyes, and every now and then he'd flick his head to get it out of his vision… but it always fell right back. Sam loved the color of it; blond-ish but streaked with a grey color… it was very handsome looking.

He was handsome. He was attractive. James had the smile, yes, and Sirius may have that aristocratic flair so many found attractive; but Remus was handsome. Roguish almost. Sam's eyes were drawn scar that ran the length of his cheek, and another faint line across his forehead. She longed to touch them for some strange reason, she couldn't explain it. She understood entirely why she wanted to kiss him, and to play with his hair… but she didn't know why she wanted to touch his scars. Maybe it was because they made him seem vulnerable somehow…

"You look sleepy," Sam noted, causing Remus to look up at her. He did look tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin was paler than normal.

Remus cleared his throat. "No, I'm fine if you want to keep going."

Sam nodded, sliding her chair closer to him to look over the text. "Ooooo," she murmured involuntarily when she leaned against him. "You're so warm!"

Remus chuckled nervously, hating himself for not realizing that sooner or later she'd pick up on one of the many things that gave him away. "Yeah… it's… it's a thick cloak."

"I'm freezing," she replied, snuggling against him. "I didn't realize how cold I was until I moved next to you."

Sam rested her head against his shoulder, sighing contentedly as she shivered against him. Remus was torn between self-loathing, and self confidence. Sam looked up at him, her bright eyes a little shy as she smiled gently. "You don't mind, do you?"

Self-confidence won this round.

"No, not at all," Remus replied, lifting his arm and putting it around her shoulders. He felt a rush of warmth as Sam grinned broadly and slid closer to him, shyly turning her eyes back to the text which Remus had a sudden urge to completely ignore.

"So, the main thing you should focus on is disillusionment… blur the surroundings instead of yourself," Sam noted in a steady voice.

"Yeah… yeah," Remus replied, clearing his throat and trying to focus on studying. He couldn't concentrate. Sam's body against him and her warm scent were all he could focus on. He felt desperate and helpless, curious and shy… nervous. And when he felt nervous, all Remus could do was to ask questions as they came to his head.

"Hey… were you nervous earlier? When I was over here… were you nervous?"

Sam looked up at him, curiosity in her eyes. "I wasn't nervous, _per say_. I was more embarrassed than anything."

"Why?" Remus asked, leaning away from Sam and looking at her curiously.

She laughed. "Because I'd fallen out of my chair and you found me lying all over the floor. I'd much rather you find me being brilliant and beautiful than sprawled out after a failed spell," she explained.

"I find you brilliant and beautiful all the time," he replied quietly before he could stop himself.

Sam's eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed with color. She looked incredibly pleased by his compliment, and a little shocked as well. "Thanks… the feeling is mutual," she murmured, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

Remus felt a knot form in his stomach. The last time he'd kissed someone was when he was 13 years old. And that had only been because Sirius had forced him too by threat of leaving hippogriff dung in his sock drawer. He had no idea what to expect, or what to do. He also knew that he probably shouldn't be kissing anyone… as soon as they got attached to him, they'd discover his secret and take off running.

"Where'd you get your scars?" Sam asked suddenly.

Remus swallowed, the knot tightening fiercely. He felt almost sick. "Oh, I'm… I-I'm clumsy," he lied. "Really clumsy."

"I doubt that," she scoffed in reply. "You're the steadiest person I know."

Remus chuckled. "I doubt that."

"You shouldn't doubt yourself," Sam replied. She stared at him, her blue eyes soft and reassuring. Then she did something he was completely unprepared for. She lifted her hands and traced the scar along his forehead with her fingertips, then moved them along the scar on his jaw, stopping at the corner of his mouth.

"I don't have any scars," she mused, still tracing them lightly. "I think they give you character. They tell something about where you've been and what you've been through."

"True," Remus replied, his arm still awkwardly around her shoulders. "But it's not bad that you don't have any."

"I think it is," she replied. "I haven't had anything difficult in my life."

"Oh yes you have," he replied, sounding almost stern. "I've seen people give you plenty of grief for being muggle-born. You've been tormented just as much as Lily has. She mentioned once that you thought about not coming back here."

Sam nodded, looking down at the few scars on Remus' neck. "True. But that's just words."

"Words sometimes leave worse scars."

Sam looked up at his hazel eyes, her expression vulnerable and shy. Remus swallowed. "I'm glad you came back… by the by. I know you were thinking about not coming back… and I'm glad you did. I'd… it wouldn't have been the same here… without you."

Sam tipped her head and smiled shyly, then leaned forward unexpectedly and took Remus completely off guard. Her lips pressed against his gently, lingering there, responding when he leaned into her and returned the kiss. She sighed contentedly, her fingers still tracing his scars. Remus tightened his hold on her and parted his lips gently, surprised by the sudden relief he felt at her touch.

"You're very warm… your lips are very warm," Sam murmured when they broke apart, not pulling away from him. Remus looked unsure of himself. "I'm sorry… I probably should have-"

She let out a pleased sigh when he leaned forward and kissed her again, lingering longer as she parted her lips this time and tugged him closer. She pressed her forehead against his, smiling as she noticed the pace of his breath quicken.

"_God_, Lupin…" a sneering voice muttered. "How disgusting. Course you're whole little gang is screwing filth now, why would you be-"

"_Watch your mouth_," Remus replied dangerously, tugging Sam close and glaring at Avery over her shoulder. He stood up, moving her behind him and grasping his wand inside his robes.

"No need to get so defensive, just general commentary on your activities," Avery replied innocently, stepping around the table between where Remus and Sam were and leaning against it. "Why're down here-"

"Could ask you the same question," Remus replied. "It's after curfew."

"That it is… but you are-"

"A prefect," Remus replied with a smirk. "With extended hours."

Avery made a sneering expression, then turned his eyes to Sam with a wicked smile. "Why's she down-"

"He was tutoring me," Sam said, her voice cold as she stared at Avery who now sniggered.

"_Tutoring_ you? And I thought Ravenclaws were the brilliant ones of the bunch," he laughed. "Well, I suppose being a mud-"

"_Shut your mouth_!" Remus snarled, stepping forward but halting when Sam gripped his arm tightly. He took a deep breath. "I suggest you go back to your house."

"On my way, on my way," Avery laughed. "You should be thanking me, Lupin. I probably saved you from some horrible muggle illness you could have gotten if you'd snogged her much longer."

With that, Avery sauntered away, humming lightly between sniggers. Remus sighed as Sam released her grip on his cloak. "We … we probably should head back too," he mumbled, feeling sheepish and regretful.

Sam nodded, gathering her things and walking along side him as they moved toward Ravenclaw tower. When they reached the blue entryway, she paused, looking at him with a slight smile.

"Thank you for defending me," she said lightly.

"Of course I would have… I'm sorry that… I'm sorry-"

"It's just words, Remus," Sam replied. "I'm sorry that he interrupted us."

Remus swallowed, a shy smile crossing his face. "I'm sorry for that as well."

Sam smirked, stepping forward and leaning up on her toes. "Next time you decide to let me kiss you, let's do it somewhere more private, shall we?" she whispered before kissing him softly on the mouth. Remus smiled, tracing his hands along her arms and nodding in agreement when she pulled away.

She smirked at him and walked toward the door. "Goodnight, Remus."

He nodded, smiling uncontrollably, his boyish confidence ignoring the critical voice in his head. "Goodnight, Sam."


End file.
